Parents that don't dress kids properly for weather!

[Scottish Joan]

Hello Joan,
Do you have someone you trust, whom you can discuss your parenting approaches with, just to make sure you are acting in the best interest of your children and not letting personal challenges in the way of parenting? Would that be a counsellor/therapist, relative, or their father?
As a parent, I think you need help.

I don't understand what you are saying but one thing is certain, I DO NOT need help!!

Next, the father is with me regarding zipping the jackets and doesn't believe that its affecting their "mental health".

I really can't get what all the fuss is about, both girls keep their jackets zipped once its zipped by me or daddy.

All this fuss over zipping a damn jacket, its not exactly hard to do themselves but instead its us that do it for them but they end up wriggling about and fidgeting about which baffles us, why fidget about just because a jacket is getting zipped up!!?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I think this thread has run its course. We are going around in circles.

Scottish Joan, you've had several comments from other members. It's clear that most do not see this issue your way but it's also clear that you have a fixed opinion that you are not interested in questioning.

 

[Retired]

I don't understand what you are saying but one thing is certain, I DO NOT need help!!

Joan,

It is unfortunate that this discussion appears to be upsetting, and hopefully you might want to maintain an open mind to the feedback being provided with the best of intentions.

All this fuss over zipping a damn jacket

Interestingly, some of us who are following this discussion, wonder the same thing, but perhaps from a different perspective.

It almost seems that you are asking for validation from us to something to which you may have already received opposition to elsewhere.

Joan, it is obvious you have the best interests of your girls at heart, but consider that your best intentions may have become overzealous, to the detriment of the development of your daughters.

Have a look at these articles to see if anything there sounds familiar:

10 Signs You Are Micromanaging Your Kids

Are You an Overly Involved Parent? | Education.com

If what you are currently doing does not seem to be working, consider modifying your approach to try something else that might work better.

Modifying your approach is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength.

 

[Scottish Joan]

Both Caitlyn and Nicole are now in bed with runny noses and colds (have been ever since 8pm) due to not being properly dressed for this poor weather (we had heavy rain, low temperatures and a bit of wind) so now I DO feel like I am the bad parent :-( :-(.


Daddy let girls play on their bikes for a while despite rain as long as they were properly dressed for the weather but as soon as they got out, their jackets were off which meant that girls were then outside in pouring rain with only t-shirts on.

As soon as girls got back in, we noticed that they were soaking wet so daddy gave them a row for putting off their jackets then grounded them for a week.

So 2 lessons learnt by girls today.

 

[Retired]

Two things come to mind for me, and I may be wrong on both counts.

Could it be your daughters removed their jackets in defiance of constantly being fussed over with regard to being zipped up?

Granted their colds are likely the result of getting wet and cold, but kids are constantly exposed to viruses. When someone is exposed to a virus, and their core body temperature drops, the virus is given the opportunity to thrive. The fact that they got cold and wet did not cause their cold, but likely provided the environment for the cold to develop.

I would submit, however, that it sounds like your daughters are reacting to your unrelenting focus on their jackets and zippers.

Based on your earlier comments, you appear to resist any suggestion that you may need to modify your own approach in dealing with your daughters.

Until you soften that point of view, it seems unlikely this impasse with your daughters can be resolved. I can see your daughters digging in their heels even more as they get older, in acts of defiance, though.

Did any of the points listed in the two articles I suggested in my earlier post sound familiar at all?

 

[forgetmenot]

Cold are not developed from not zipping up a jacket Colds are viruses so they were in contact with someone that had a cold who either coughed on them or they shook thier hand and had a sore and virus got in that way Doing up a coat does not prevent someone from getting a cold
even if they kept their jackets zipped up all time the cold would have developed if someone sneezed on them just so you know ok

 

[PrincessX]

This is an incredibly interesting topic! mg:

 

[MHealthJo]

It's possible that they may feel more of a 'reward' in doing something that stands up or rebels against a very controlling, regimented environment, than any 'learning' or change that they might possibly feel from the negative consequences. They may feel more of a need to fight against the controllingness of their environment, no matter if the consequences of doing so are unpleasant.

Keep in mind that for them to have a happy and successful future and to feel interested in their parents later on, their childhood needs to have plenty of feeling listened to and plenty of the feeling that what they prefer and how they feel is important, and for it not to be overly regimented or extremely rule-bound in too many highly detailed aspects of life.I assume that your goal is for them to have a happy and successful future.

Colds will happen no matter what they are wearing, and we live in an age where antibiotics can deal with the unlikely factors of complications and prevent death. But stress-related problems and lack of validation from childhood are issues that are very complex and difficult to treat, and can have lifelong consequences such as mental illness, alcohol and drug abuse, other addictions or severe escapism behaviours, teenage pregnancy and motherhood, unemployment, risk-taking behaviour, aggression, crime, severe relationship problems, homelessness, and suicide.

 

[rdw]

I work in a high school setting and we often talk about logical consequences with students. Ie no jacket - cold and wet is the consequence. This is a life lesson not just a lesson in the immediate. The children catching a cold due to playing outside without jackets does not make you a bad parent - it is the logical consequence of their choice .

 

[PrincessX]

Actually the articles Steve recommended are a useful read and easy to understand/ implement.
I especially liked the recommendation for parents to stay out of their kid's room, in order to provide respect and privacy.
This lifts a lot of work off my shoulders,
On a funny note:
There should be an exemption of this rule, in case parental lack of supervision invades animal rights and leads to worsening health of mice, cockroaches and other animals, who would find a shelter there. All living organisms need some basic living conditions in their environment after all.