Parents

[Ashley-Kate]

it has ben 4 years that my parents ahve divorsed and since then a lot has changed i only see my father 3 times a year he has 2 new kids? and a wife my mom has a new boyfriend and well i live in another province so i lost my friends that i had been with ever since i was in elementary school.. but the biggest change is my father he has been in and out of my life for many reasons and now well he just seems to be too invasive.. asking me everything about my health and all and well those questions only are asked when he is in public when i am around it is the opposit he just does not talk and says nothing i hate it because i question his love for me and the real reasons that he? is interested in my life..
i don't know what to believe i wrote to him many time asking him but he never says,, i don't know what to do.
yours trully <ashley-kate

 

[Diana]

Divorce can put children and their parents in really tough situations. I once knew a guy who's parents had been divorced since he was four years old. As a teenager he decided he hated his father, and it sounds as though his father gave him reasons to. I guess his father made him feel like a burden when he would stay with him on weekends or whenever, and it doesn't sound like he was very affectionate towards him. Later, in his early 20's this guy began to have more contact with his father again, and they started getting closer. In fact, the relationship got to a point where he would often go and spend a weekend at his father's place and spend time with him and his step-mother. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes people just don't know how to communicate with each other. Maybe his father was just not a good father, but was able to relate to his son differently when he got older. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but when the guy was able to accept his father's faults (not by catering to his every request) they were actually able to relate with each other in a respectful manner - and even an emotional one.
There could be different reasons for why your father shows concern to you in public. Maybe he doesn't know how to bring up the topic when you're alone. He might feel uncomfortable or be afraid of your reaction. Often we feel safer when there are other people around. I think that divorce definitely causes communication problems between the child and the one parent they see less. These problems can be overcome, but they get so mixed up with emotion and resentments (often one parent will appear as the bad guy - sometimes rightfully so, sometimes not).
I know this is hurting you, but I think at this point in your life you should focus on the support you DO have, not what you don't. Utilize that support to help yourself gain strength and increase your health. I'm not saying to turn your back on anyone, but just to realize that just because your father isn't outwardly being affectionate with you now doesn't mean that nobody cares about you. I think you have to start TAKING. Not in a selfish way, but take whatever is handed to you and do your best with it. You need to conserve your energy for the long run, not waste it on worrying about things you can't change at the present time. Perhaps later you will be in a position to deal with your relationship with your father.

 

[Heather]

I know this is really late (I have been away from here for a bit -- have moved as well).

But my parents were divorced and I satyed with my mum. Well at first my dad wanted NOTHING to do with me, and his mother and him even tried to have me put into foster care because they wanted to hurt my mum! Well then I started to do well and he began to show an interest in me! When I was struggling -- the time I needed him most he dumped me and allowed me to fend for myself, but when I was doing better he wanted to have stuff to do with me. Also he used to show more interest in me when others were around as if to prove to them he was a good father.

Well this just annoyed me, but I played along and tested him. Now my relationship with him is still not great but a lot better.

So I just want to say to you try and hang in there, but if it gets too much remember you are the 'child' or 'daughter' rather and he is the parent!!!

Heather...

 

[Ashley-Kate]

just when you think the matters could not get any worst my dad is taking my mom to court next month for child support reduction he hardly payes anything now but even at that why should that be put on my back no they always find a way to get to me and my sister more my dad now he is always putting down my mom but i have not spoke to him in like 5 days now i got in a fight with him over the phone about the not being able to see hime mor elike my little brother and sister over march break cause he did not have the time to get us.. he doesn't even work ..grr. but anyways thanks for your comments
ashley-kate

 

[Heather]

Oh hun,

I am so so sorry!

My dad tried to get out of paying that as well, but here it isn't through court usually but similiar thing.

Oh hun *hugs* and I hope it all gets better for you soon.

Heather...