PTSD But Can't Remember Traumatic Event

[CrystalDreamer59]

I talked to my therapist and they said that the reason I often feel as though I have two sides to my personality is because I might have PTSD. They even went on to mention about how when a person feels threatened a part of the brain known as the limbic system goes off causing a fight or flight response while the part of the brain that controls logic is put in the background. They said that the reason I feel constantly threatened by other people is because of something traumatic that happened when I was really young or something. The funny thing is I have no memory of the traumatic event that happened. The earliest memory I have is being about 3 or 4 years old and feeling like I was bad for some reason. Possibly due to feeling guilty about something. But looking back I can't remember what I could possibly feel guilty about. To this day I still have this feeling that I am bad, but it's not as bad as when I was younger. I know this all sounds strange and you probably are going to say that I need to let this go, but I can't help but be curious about what could of happened in my past that caused me to feel this way.

 

[Retired]

what could of happened in my past that caused me to feel this way.

That is something you must investigate with your therapist who has the skills and knowledge to access that information and those memories in a safe and clinical environment.

 

[CrystalDreamer59]

Okay I'll talk to my therapist about this next time I see them if I have time. Maybe they can suggest something that will safely help me remember and maybe even help get rid of this guilt I have.

 

[CrystalDreamer59]

I wasn't able to talk much to my therapist about the traumatic event since I had so many questions written down that I also needed to ask. I already have planned that the first question I'll ask them next time is how I can move on from the pain I feel from the traumatic event (whatever it was) and have a happy future. Unfortunately I don't see them again for about two weeks so I want to get your input. I'll still ask my therapist. I just would like some extra guidance until I see them again.

 

[Jesse910]

Hi Crystal Dreamer,

I too suffer from PTSD. The first thing I'd like to say is when your mind allows the memory to surface, it will. There isn't a timetable for it. True, you can speak to your therapist about this and explore possibilities within your childhood. However, that may not resolve the specific information you are seeking. Throughout my early years, I always gravitated to males not females. My mother, while giving and caring in her own way, was not the person I would go to for comfort because she was not a touchy/feely person. When I was in my early grade school years, something happened to me by a strange babysitter's relative. For years, I had an unpleasant reoccurring dream that was very unsettling. I could see the rooms within this house and experience the smells. I could not recall what transpired. It was only when I got married and my husband did something to me that the memory completely surfaced. I have been able to work on that situation in therapy. Is it resolved? No. However, I understand what happened and I know that I was not at fault. And, I'm still working out the kinks of what happened. Some situations are very difficult for me. Others, aren't so tough any longer.

Understanding ourselves is a life-long process. In the interim, enjoy your life as best you can. Do the things you love, and give yourself a measure of grace each day. When and if your memory surfaces, find a trusted friend or therapist who can provide a safe haven for you. Trust your gut at all times for it is seldom wrong. And, take care.

 

[GDPR]

Crystal,

I also have PTSD and agree with Jesse that the memory will surface when your mind allows it,when you are ready.If you try to 'force' a memory,then you risk having false ones.

Sometimes though,looking at pictures from your childhood,watching TV shows from back then or even listening to old music helps,but everyone is different.For me,I think it took the death of my father for me to even feel safe enough to truly look back.

 

[CrystalDreamer59]

I am now wondering if I'm better off not remembering anything about whatever traumatic event happened to me. However even though I have no memory the feelings linger on especially guilt. It seems to help reminding myself that I'm not all bad and that I do have some good qualities, but sometimes it's hard to believe that about myself and others as well. And yeah I can't just force the memory to come to me or I will end up with a false memory.