mudpuppy
Member
I've been starting my own consulting business lately, and it's really beginning to take off. Every time I turn around I'm getting new opportunities. I'm thrilled at how quickly word is spreading, and since much of it is coming from clients I've already done work for, it must mean I've been doing a good job.
The problem starts with how vulnerable I'm feeling right now. Like it will all fall apart if I make any mistakes. I know in my head that it's not true; mistakes are just a chance to shine even brighter in the recovery, but the worry is becoming overwhelming at times. What if I screw up? What if it's more than I can handle? What if? What if? What if?!?
I can control it pretty well during the day; it only blindsides me occasionally, where my stomach tries to climb up my throat to strangle my brain. It's at night when it gets bad. I wake in a panic 2 or 3 times a night feeling like everything's going to come to an end. It's hard to get back to sleep afterwards. By the time morning arrives I'm cranked up to such a level of anxiety that I can hardly choke down some cereal. I have some OTC sleep aids but they leave me feeling stunned the next day, which isn't much help.
My day job doesn't help, either. It's still chugging steadily toward oblivion with a full complement of cheerleaders on board. Our flagship public event in mid-October has fewer than 20 registrants instead of the usual couple of hundred. Is anyone in charge worried? Of course not, there's going to be a sudden influx of registrants at the last minute to save the day! Granted, that's never happened before in all the past years, but this year will be different, just you watch!! :facepalm:
I know that the daily frustration of spending 40 hours a week on the far side of the looking glass doesn't help, nor does the very real possibility that the consulting could very well be my main source of income before the year's over (I'm my only household income). However, I can't change any of that, but I really need to find a way to deal with it.
I've read a lot of what's posted and stuck to the top of this section, and there's a lot of good stuff in there. I guess I just need to get it out so it doesn't grow too big.
Thank you for listening to me babble. Just knowing you're here is a big help.
The problem starts with how vulnerable I'm feeling right now. Like it will all fall apart if I make any mistakes. I know in my head that it's not true; mistakes are just a chance to shine even brighter in the recovery, but the worry is becoming overwhelming at times. What if I screw up? What if it's more than I can handle? What if? What if? What if?!?
I can control it pretty well during the day; it only blindsides me occasionally, where my stomach tries to climb up my throat to strangle my brain. It's at night when it gets bad. I wake in a panic 2 or 3 times a night feeling like everything's going to come to an end. It's hard to get back to sleep afterwards. By the time morning arrives I'm cranked up to such a level of anxiety that I can hardly choke down some cereal. I have some OTC sleep aids but they leave me feeling stunned the next day, which isn't much help.
My day job doesn't help, either. It's still chugging steadily toward oblivion with a full complement of cheerleaders on board. Our flagship public event in mid-October has fewer than 20 registrants instead of the usual couple of hundred. Is anyone in charge worried? Of course not, there's going to be a sudden influx of registrants at the last minute to save the day! Granted, that's never happened before in all the past years, but this year will be different, just you watch!! :facepalm:
I know that the daily frustration of spending 40 hours a week on the far side of the looking glass doesn't help, nor does the very real possibility that the consulting could very well be my main source of income before the year's over (I'm my only household income). However, I can't change any of that, but I really need to find a way to deal with it.
I've read a lot of what's posted and stuck to the top of this section, and there's a lot of good stuff in there. I guess I just need to get it out so it doesn't grow too big.
Thank you for listening to me babble. Just knowing you're here is a big help.
