Reaching Out

[scm24]

Hi. I'm scm. I've been an emotional recluse for the better part of two years. This is my first real step outside my own front door. I'm 49, forced into retirement because of a massive physical, emotional, mental breakdown in 2002.

I continue to struggle with fatigue, ancient self-worth issues that keep resurfacing every now and then, some remnants of social anxiety and other assorted scars that keep me limping along. But I'm glad to be alive, which is a refreshing change for me, one that I celebrate with gratitude and rusty joy. I'm also very lonely and want to reach out to try to be a part of a larger community, but am not ready to go too far afield. So I'm going to try joining a network community first and see how that goes.

I also want to give back, because it's time to. I'm very grateful for the people who have helped me find my way back to my life, and would like to try and become one of those people for others on their own journey.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Hi!!!

But I'm glad to be alive, which is a refreshing change for me, one that I celebrate with gratitude and rusty joy.

I like that. I'm glad that you're glad to be alive.

Janet

 

[jubjub]

Welcome, scm24. This is a GREAT place to take those first few steps and you don't even have to leave the comfort of your own home! We're always glad to see a new face around here. I look forward to seeing you around the place!

Anna

 

[scm24]

I'm glad that you're glad to be alive

Thanks! Two years ago I made a very deliberate once-and-for-all choice to choose life, even though it didn't look like it was worth fighting for. It wasn't an easy thing to turn my feet around from the precarious precipice I was standing on and force my weary feet to walk in the opposite direction. Since then pretty much every choice, every decision, whether in the smallest things like what colours I wear, what I choose to read or what TV shows and movies I chose to watch or not watch, or in the big things like what former friends I've had to let go of...everything I've chosen to do or not to do has been done to build myself a life that I can enjoy. I'm still a work-in-progress, but I'm beginning to be able to relax and just be alive. I'm very glad I made that choice.

 

[HA]

Welcome SCM24!

It made me feel better to receive a welcome so I'm extending one to you.

Cheers
Judy

 

[Ash]

Welcome to the group. It's a pleasure to have you!

 

[momof5]

Its great to have you here, and I am also happy that you have decided to live life and take those small steps out. Take your time and move in a way that you are comfortable.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you and your successes as you travel outward.

 

[scm24]

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you and your successes as you travel outward.

First, thanks to all who have extended your welcome...it's nice, real nice.

I actually first arrived here on the 4th (of Nov) to post a desperate plea for help. That led to a number of responses and then an extended conversation with one member in particular. We moved that conversation over to another forum, broadening both "my travels outward" and my network of support. It's been an awesome uplifting of the spirit and heart. This is a good place to be, it's already making a good difference in my life and perspective. I'm feeling a renewed strength of my authenticity (i.e., that I'm not alone, abnormal or invalid) that I haven't felt in a long time. Thank you!

 

[momof5]

One good thing about the web is the ability to travel outward to gain some strength without going out into the world, if that makes sense. It gives you the ability to hear what others are going through, and this helps you to see that you aren't alone, and that others do go through exactly what you are going through. And no, you aren't abnormal, not at all.

It really is good to know that you are taking steps and that you are feeling better, I'm so thrilled for you!