Relating to others

[phalanx]

Success depends on recognising opportunity when it presents itself.- Benjamin Disraeli

I am beginning to struggle with who I am and how I relate to others as much as society.

A good example is relationships with women. Apart from slight negative body image, and bad fashion sense.

I have got to the stage where I pull away because of internal conflict.

I feel annoyed at how I am suppose to be 'lucky' or likewise that I am an 'idiot' if I do not seize the opportunity.

I suppose if I am being truthful I struggle with how I relate to people, recognising the other person's will.

I suppose also I have become scared of being happy? Becuase I can get hurt if I get too close to people.

any advice?

 

[Daniel E.]

I suppose if I am being truthful I struggle with how I relate to people, recognising the other person's will.

Of course, it's much easier to relate to people who share a common interest/desire/will. The saying "hell is other people" makes a lot of sense to me when people who don't share similar interests are forced to interact, e.g. the reality shows on TV that have strangers living in the same house.

I suppose also I have become scared of being happy? Becuase I can get hurt if I get too close to people.

And, from a behavioral point of view, it's often difficult to change one's habits and routine ways of interacting with the world.

 

[Into The Light]

I feel annoyed at how I am suppose to be 'lucky' or likewise that I am an 'idiot' if I do not seize the opportunity.

who is it that says you are supposed to seize the opportunity? is this pressure you put on yourself, or is this something other people say to you?

when there are things you feel you "should" be or "should" do, it can lead to a lot of unhappiness. try to change your thinking from "I should" to "it would be nice if I could do or be x"

I suppose also I have become scared of being happy? Becuase I can get hurt if I get too close to people.

i can relate to the fear of being happy. a lot of it has to do with that being a change from what is currently familiar. i was miserable when i was depressed but it was familiar. i went through a period where i was afraid to get well, simply because i didn't know how it felt anymore. it was a fear of the unknown.

there is also a thread about getting close/too close to people that may be helpful to you. see Avoiding getting close to people.

 

[phalanx]

I am fairly dis-socialative, as a defence method.

However I have become more so, yet at the same time aware of my effect on others.

I notice how I miss eye contact with people, even my family.