It is so tough to be in an intimate relationship for men, whenever it is so apparent, that from a physical standpoint, you do not "measure up" in terms of height, hair, muscles....all the things women desire and want. Then, on those rare occassions, when you attain a date; go out and other men--(99.9% of others in my case) look so much better physically than you do..knowing she WILL notice it..well it is very disturbing!!!! Poor genetics can rob one of so much! (Hence, I decided early in life to never have kids...and I have and will adhere to it!!!) Then you get the feedback, "It's what is on the inside that counts!" Yeah, pretty people can say that to people like me and it makes them feel better. Also, what about "total packages" physical attributes and atitude...where does this leave someone...like ME????
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ThatLady
Member
It leaves you to be you, witsend. Develop the positive aspects and let what you consider to be the negative aspects take a backseat to them. I know a lot of people who might not be considered externally attractive; yet, in their company I laugh, I smile, and I enjoy great conversation and good times. It really isn't all about what you look like. If you make yourself glow from the inside, it will be seen and appreciated.
morpheus
Member
I agree, witsend. I was the same way. I thought that I was doomed to be alone because of what I looked like. I worked out and lost weight and palyed around with hair and facial hair styles. I fianlly found someone who looked past that and saw inside me and fell in love. She told me straight out that she never liked guys that looked like me or dressed like me, but there was a force that drew us together.
I'm happy to say that I no longer feel that way about myself and I know you will too, in time. Just believe in yourself and love yourself. And you'll find someone. It's always when you aren't looking that you find what you want. It's about additude.
Wake up and look in the mirror and say, "I look good" and make that a reality. Dress in what makes you feel good. Do what makes you happy and it will change your outlook on life and relationships. Promise.
Good luck, morpheus
I'm happy to say that I no longer feel that way about myself and I know you will too, in time. Just believe in yourself and love yourself. And you'll find someone. It's always when you aren't looking that you find what you want. It's about additude.
Wake up and look in the mirror and say, "I look good" and make that a reality. Dress in what makes you feel good. Do what makes you happy and it will change your outlook on life and relationships. Promise.
Good luck, morpheus
Hi Witsend,
I understand where you're coming from, it's taken me awhile to realize that an "it girl" doesn't exist. I always thought that in order for man to "truly love me" I would have to look like Cindy Crawford or Marilyn Monroe, that whoever I dated would always consider me "runner-up", i.e. "I'm dating her because I couldn't get anyone else". But then I realized that men are just in the same boat as women, that they don't neccessarily want an "arm-piece", someone other guys will envy, they just want someone they can trust, they can depend upon and they can laugh with; which is all women really want too (I don't want to speak for all women, but a sense of humor is really important, and from some of your e-mails, I get the feeling you have a pretty good sense of humour). In fact, one of the greatest loves of my life was 5' 3" and skinny but he made me laugh, and that is what attracted me to him. Being able to laugh and see the lighter side of life can be so important.
Take care witsend.
I understand where you're coming from, it's taken me awhile to realize that an "it girl" doesn't exist. I always thought that in order for man to "truly love me" I would have to look like Cindy Crawford or Marilyn Monroe, that whoever I dated would always consider me "runner-up", i.e. "I'm dating her because I couldn't get anyone else". But then I realized that men are just in the same boat as women, that they don't neccessarily want an "arm-piece", someone other guys will envy, they just want someone they can trust, they can depend upon and they can laugh with; which is all women really want too (I don't want to speak for all women, but a sense of humor is really important, and from some of your e-mails, I get the feeling you have a pretty good sense of humour). In fact, one of the greatest loves of my life was 5' 3" and skinny but he made me laugh, and that is what attracted me to him. Being able to laugh and see the lighter side of life can be so important.
Take care witsend.
Crawford...
Hey Mary!
Thanks for your words of encouragement! Yeah, life becomes one long, drawn out battle for some of us! These are feelings I have had--well, since a child...they only grow stronger and I feel more and more insecure...Yes, I understand what you are saying about character and personality traits---but what happens whenever "Mr. Perfect" comes along...possessing the body AND those traits.....
Hey Mary!
Thanks for your words of encouragement! Yeah, life becomes one long, drawn out battle for some of us! These are feelings I have had--well, since a child...they only grow stronger and I feel more and more insecure...Yes, I understand what you are saying about character and personality traits---but what happens whenever "Mr. Perfect" comes along...possessing the body AND those traits.....
Hello again,
And who is "Mr. Perfect"??? I never found him, just like he never found me (not that I'm Ms. Perfect, that makes me laugh). There is no "Mr. Perfect", we're human beings and we're all kind of screwed up. No one has the "perfect" body and the "perfect" traits, in fact, I don't even know what type of "body" you're talking about. I have one girlfriend who insists she loves skinny men, another who likes barrel-chested types and me, I like someone who makes me laugh, I truly don't care what they look like.
And I think of Marilyn Monroe, I always thought that every man thought she was perfect, the "ultimate", until I heard my Dad (yes, me Dad) say he didn't like her, thought her mouth was too big. :0) He liked dark-haired, petite women (like my Mum). But I'm talking about physical attributes know and that's not the idea I want to impart. It is truly that inner "thing" (that we all have) which is important, this may sound silly, but if you love yourself, others will too.
My Mum always used to tell me what she disliked about herself, she said it made her feel good. It made me feel sad. I thought to myself, that if you couldn't like yourself, the one person who knew you best, how could anyone else like you?
Hope this makes sense and doesn't make you feel worse.
Cheers.
Hope this helps.
And who is "Mr. Perfect"??? I never found him, just like he never found me (not that I'm Ms. Perfect, that makes me laugh). There is no "Mr. Perfect", we're human beings and we're all kind of screwed up. No one has the "perfect" body and the "perfect" traits, in fact, I don't even know what type of "body" you're talking about. I have one girlfriend who insists she loves skinny men, another who likes barrel-chested types and me, I like someone who makes me laugh, I truly don't care what they look like.
And I think of Marilyn Monroe, I always thought that every man thought she was perfect, the "ultimate", until I heard my Dad (yes, me Dad) say he didn't like her, thought her mouth was too big. :0) He liked dark-haired, petite women (like my Mum). But I'm talking about physical attributes know and that's not the idea I want to impart. It is truly that inner "thing" (that we all have) which is important, this may sound silly, but if you love yourself, others will too.
My Mum always used to tell me what she disliked about herself, she said it made her feel good. It made me feel sad. I thought to myself, that if you couldn't like yourself, the one person who knew you best, how could anyone else like you?
Hope this makes sense and doesn't make you feel worse.
Cheers.
Hope this helps.
HAHAHAHA......sorry about that, my fault..(SHOULD HAVE EXPLAINED MYSELF)--well, arms that do not look like pencils, wrists that do not look like toothpicks, legs that do not look like broomhandles, a chest that has "some" muscle to it, skin that isn't acne laced, and hair! Thanks again for your interest and response!
Oh, not sure what to say, not a counsellor type, but I do have acne laced skin, along with my oldest brother and it sucks. My husband had me going to dermatologists constantly for the first two or three years of our relationship, until he finalle realized that it wasn't my fault, it was "genetics" and no matter how many times I washed my face or put on special creams, I would still get pimples. He came from a family of "perfect skin", if you saw what he put on his face every evening, you would be thunderstruck.
Mary
Mary
Just wanted to add one thing about my Mum, it hurt to hear her put herself down because of what she looked like. She was an amazing woman who was always there for me, no she wasn't perfect, but I could always count on her and that mattered so much more than her "fat knees" or "thick waist".
My boyfriend has the same body type I believe your speaking of, he is very skinny, small arms, he works out and tries to eat a lot, but he cannot build muscle or gain weight. I truly do not understand why he worries about it. He is so hot, he is perfect in my eyes. I love staring at him and never has crossed my mind that he is any less attractive because of his body type. Im not into any type of guy, I have had big ones small ones, medium ones. To most women it truly doesnt matter, it is who you are as a person.
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