Resolution

[rdonovan1]

I was just wondering if anyone might happen to have any suggestions on how to get resolution relating to a relationship that I had with a woman in 1987.

I have read a lot of books on the subject and I have been using stuff like NLP and hypnosis as well as psychology and the enneagram and of course the MBTI to help me to just learn from the relationship and as to what what happened, but for some strange reason none of that seems to be working because so far all that I can do is to just read books and to theorize about what happened and as to how I might be able to learn from it.

I know that it may sound crazy, but over the years like I have noticed some strange patterns that tend to suggest to me that there is more to the relationship than meets the eye.

I am not crazy at all nor do I have schizophrenia, but due to my studies and some special training that I have had I have learned to be more observant and as a result I have noticed patterns in the relationship that tend to suggest that perhaps there could be either a psychological connection between me and this girl or perhaps even a religious connection.

And like a private investigator or a detective I have been trying to prove it, but so far with very little luck. At the moment it kind of seems like an unsolved mystery like you might possibly read about in one of those who done it novels.

So far I have been looking to religion, psychology, NLP, Hypnosis, the enneagram, the MBTI, private investigation, sales & marketing and any other source that I can to try to explain it, but as I said so far I have met with limited success.

Due to previous convserations that have occured within my family about it and even a suggestion that my ex wife once made to me I have turned to private investigation in conjuction with everything to try to understand everything. At one time my ex wife referred me to a website called classmates.com with the suggestion that I look up this girl on there to see if she was listed there, but unfortunately she was not.

I did however find a link to an internet background check company that was on the same page and as a result I figured that I would try to see if she was listed there. I paid the money and got a startling report back, yet at the same time it was kind of confusing.

A lot of this started to come about after my mother had mentioned an incident in which this girl had asked about me in the early 90's when she met up with my parents while she was working at a department store in our home state of Minnesota.

Since that time I have been curious as to why this girl might have asked about me and so far the only conclusion that I have been able to draw is that she still had feelings for me at least at that time.

I tend to find the whole thing a little on the bizzare side because she is the one that ended the relationship with me in 1987 after I had just come back from a trip to the boundary waters in Northern Minnesota with a church group.

I'm not really sure as to how to explain this whole thing without it sounding weird, but between what happened and some of the information that I have gotten since then I have come across some strange patterns that at the moment don't make a whole lot of sense and since then I have been trying to make better sense of it all.

Just for reference she did not end the relationship with me in person like she was supposed to do according to the Emily Post book of etiquette. She did it over the phone.

Shortly after she ended the relationship she started to follow me one day while I was going to a firearm safety class and then the next year while me at her were at school one day I told her that I wanted to drive truck over the road and live in Colorado.

Well since that time I have driven truck over the road and based upon some of the information that I have found she is now living in Colorado and is married.

According to one report that I came across she is currently living in Colorado Springs and I tend to find that a little on the funny side because when me and her were dating I told her that I wanted to go to the Air Force Academy and the Air Force Academy is located in Colorado Springs.

From what I have found out from some of the reports that I got her husband is from the Denver area and they got married in Minnesota one week to the day prior to when I got married to my ex wife which also took place in Minnesota not too far from where my ex got married at.

I keep trying to put this whole thing behind me, but for some reason it keeps popping back up in my face and at the moment I am not really quite sure as to how to properly deal with it.


Does anyone happen to have any suggestions?

 

[Lana]

Hi RD;
When a relationship ends, we go through a grieving period where we work out all kinds of things. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that in this instance, you focused on finding things that hold you connected to this girl, rather then accepting that the relationship ended.

I think that we move on in life, often carrying a part of those that we shared our selves with. Sometimes, accepting the end is more difficult and that's when a person can begin to look for connections that hold things in place. I suspect that's what happened here. You have spent time and effort in looking for this girl, ordering reports about her, looking for small instances of thins that relate to the past you two shared and so you never gave yourself a chance to accept the finality of the relationship.

Her asking your mother how you're doing was probably out of concern, rather then some mystical connection. If anything, I'd say she may feel residual guilt after the way she ended the relationship. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean anything more than that. Her living in Colorado is probably a coincidence so I wouldn't read too much into it.

How about, instead of spending your time and effort in maintaining a connection to this girl, you spend some of the vast knowledge that you acquired and explore the area of grief, loss, and how to move forward after such events? It's been a very long time and I think you deserve some peace.

 

[rdonovan1]

You have a lot of good points there. Much of my focus has just been to learn from it so that I am not making a lot of the same mistakes that I made with her in the future with another woman.

Running around doing the same things over and over again, but expecting different results is crazy and that is what I am trying to avoid.

If a person wants to deliberately feel pain, then they can go to the hardware store and buy a hammer to beat themselves over the head with.

I've been for the most part able to deal with the psychological aspects of the relationship because of everything that I have been studying relating to psychology, NLP, hypnosis and anthing else that I could.

I'm still working past some of the emotional and spiritual stuff though.

In NLP, Hypnosis and the martial arts and even in things like private investigation you tend to learn to be a lot more observant of both your own behaviors and those of other people and since people are nothing more than another form of animal we can and do tend to display certain behavioral patterns. Some of that come from evolution and some of it comes from the way that our parents and society teach us as to how we are supposed to behave.

I forgot to mention that due to studying business I have learned to pay attention to both the big picture and to the details because both are important in the success or failure of any business.