Self harm

[queenofgothic]

i was a self harmer and have not cut myself for 4 years, although i still think about it all the time, my arms are cover in scars that i'm not ashamed of cause it's part of who i am. but i do find it diffcult to wear short t-shirts in summer. 4 years ago i met a guy who pulled me out of my depression and made me promise him i would never do it again. but the thoughts and feeling are all coming back, but instead of cutting myself i constantly bang my wrists of the walls so there bruised and i say i fell down the stairs.

<edit by Admin: do not include graphic details of acts of self-injury, since these may be triggering for other members>

i'm scared if that i tell my partner and family the truth that they'll be dissapointed and ashamed of me because i have been doing well, i don't want to cut my arms again but i feel anxious and my stomach is in knots.

 

[Cin]

self harm

I just want to say well done for not cutting for 4yrs, thats a massive achievement. I know you said your partner pulled you out of the depression but with the self harming its something YOU have to want to stop. Im not saying that when you do do it for you, it will be a straight guarentee that its gone, but you will feel you are doing it for you and no one else. I don't know you and i don't know anything about your situation but, to stop self harming for four years; somewhere along the line you probably thought of you. And it should be like that.
Do your partner and family understand self harm? How do they view it?
Im sorry if this has not helped much, i just wanted you t know your not alone in trying to stop.

 

[queenofgothic]

self harm

thank you cin for your reply.
it was very helpful, i have never really thought about stopping for me it was always for my family, and the pressure and strain i was putting them under, i suppose thats why i might be feeling the way i am now because i never really understood why i did it in the first place. i just kept myself together for 4years for them. my family view self harm as 'attention seeking' which really winds me up and i've never really talked about it with my partner but i should really. i am proud of myself for not giving in for 4years but to keep the pretense up and pretend that i'm alright, i just feel like a ticking 'time bomb' it's driving me insane but i don't want to give in.

 

[Sylvia]

self harm

everyone has their setbacks. I would like to ask you a question if you don't mind...have you ever thought of getting help for your self injury. I think it's great that you are able to stop for so long but having the urge to cut is never good. you might want to think about getting professional support from a therapist. I would suggest getting help before you fall back into the vicious cycle that cutting is. I hope things get better and good luck to you!

~ Sylvia

 

[queenofgothic]

self harm

i have had help in the past i saw a phsychiriast, when i first started and was on anti deppressants, i didn't find it helpful thought, i felt uncomfortable talking to someone i didnt trust. i just learned to deal with it over the years, i would rather sit and write how i feel down and post in to someone! so i didnt have to see them and talk about myself and how i feel. but i am considering it again but i'm abit apprehensive about it.

 

[Sea Swirl]

self harm

I know what you mean about the feelings coming back. I often feel the temptation to do it again. I don't want any more scars (my arm is a mess, and I don't want to damage any more of my body) but lately I
have longed for the pain. I wish there was a way to cut that wouldn't leave marks.

I think unless you get long-term therapy and don't give up, the pull will be there to do it again. I can't afford help, so I don't know how to deal with it except to just squelch the desire and tell myself not to do these things. And distraction, of course. It helps to just think of something else.

 

[queenofgothic]

self harm

i have found a job now where i work 10hrs a day, i have found lately that i dont have enough hours in the day to think about self harm which i suppose is a good thing, but i'm burning the candle at both ends as they say, not eating probaly now and i've lost a tonne of weight. but my partner has started to self harm, which has really hurt me, i don't know what to say to him, i should cause i've been there, i'm really at a loss at the moment, any suggestions on what to do?

 

[Daniel E.]

self harm

...but my partner has started to self harm, which has really hurt me, i don't know what to say to him...

Is he seeing a therapist, getting antidepressants, exercising daily, etc.?

 

[queenofgothic]

self harm

no, he isn't but he knows the battles i've been going though with self harm,and trying not go down that route again, so for him to go and do, has completly destroyed me i feel really confused and angry.

 

[ThatLady]

self harm

Queenofgothic, how long have you and your partner been together? Were you together during your own self-harming period?

I can understand how confused and angry you must be. Those are normal feelings to have when confronted with something like this. You're fighting tooth and nail to keep your head above water and the person you count on for support falls apart on you. Not only does he fall apart on you, but he does the exact same thing you've been fighting so hard against. I'd be angry and confused, too.

I'm hoping you'll share a little more about the reltionship between the two of you. When did it start and under what circumstances? How long have you been together? Has the relationship always been based on mutual exchange of support, or has one member been the primary support-giver? A little background might help to illuminate some of the reasons for your partner's current behavior.