More threads by Ashley-Kate

flower that slowly fades that could describe me as i sat in my therapists she looked at me and told me this whole anorexia thing is a way to make me feel special and that's when i blurted everyhting out i got so mad so ****************ed at her i can't even describe how i felt

i told her that i am scared to death that if i eat i will be allowing myself to live and living scares me so i'd rather feel like i am dying all the time then have to fight with life .. i told her that i didn't wake up one morning and decide i wanted to be thin this is not a game i told her that i chose to be this way not just like that it was not from one day to another it was within at least a year i told her that i would rather die than to deal with the facts i told her that i would not see her anymore cause she had no clue and i got mad cause she told me that i would never be able to disappear completely and out of madness i guess i stormed out of her office telling her that i would prove to her that disappearing is possible

it is as if her telling me i couldn't only made me want to prove her otherwise i am so mad so tired so sad so exhausted i just don't know how to take this anymore i don't know if i want to live enough to want to eat

sounds pathetic i know


Re: so sad

flower that slowly fades

and flowers bloom again if they soak up lots of water and some nutrients and of course some sunshine and fresh air. Tonight to help me sleep I am going to think about what flower I would like to be. :zzz: Mari
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