Ashley-Kate
MVP
flower that slowly fades that could describe me as i sat in my therapists she looked at me and told me this whole anorexia thing is a way to make me feel special and that's when i blurted everyhting out i got so mad so ****************ed at her i can't even describe how i felt
i told her that i am scared to death that if i eat i will be allowing myself to live and living scares me so i'd rather feel like i am dying all the time then have to fight with life .. i told her that i didn't wake up one morning and decide i wanted to be thin this is not a game i told her that i chose to be this way not just like that it was not from one day to another it was within at least a year i told her that i would rather die than to deal with the facts i told her that i would not see her anymore cause she had no clue and i got mad cause she told me that i would never be able to disappear completely and out of madness i guess i stormed out of her office telling her that i would prove to her that disappearing is possible
it is as if her telling me i couldn't only made me want to prove her otherwise i am so mad so tired so sad so exhausted i just don't know how to take this anymore i don't know if i want to live enough to want to eat
sounds pathetic i know
i told her that i am scared to death that if i eat i will be allowing myself to live and living scares me so i'd rather feel like i am dying all the time then have to fight with life .. i told her that i didn't wake up one morning and decide i wanted to be thin this is not a game i told her that i chose to be this way not just like that it was not from one day to another it was within at least a year i told her that i would rather die than to deal with the facts i told her that i would not see her anymore cause she had no clue and i got mad cause she told me that i would never be able to disappear completely and out of madness i guess i stormed out of her office telling her that i would prove to her that disappearing is possible
it is as if her telling me i couldn't only made me want to prove her otherwise i am so mad so tired so sad so exhausted i just don't know how to take this anymore i don't know if i want to live enough to want to eat
sounds pathetic i know