More threads by Ursula


Hi everybody,

I accepted an invitation by my friend Steve, who moderates the Tourette Syndrome Foundation of Canada Forum, and here I am.

I was born in 1953 in Hamburg, Germany, where I lived until I was 25. I have six brothers and one sister (I am the second oldest), who are all still in Germany. My parents were both unfit parents, and my mother was very emotionally abusive. Every day she told me that I was useless, worthless, ugly, stupid and good for nothing, and naturally, I believed her, because you believe your own mother when you are little.

I was in constant pain, had no energy and was depressed by the time I was seven or eight. I also had very severe asthma.

I was bullied and hated by my classmates, and later coworkers for being different, but didn't know why I was different.

I went to Montreal, Canada in 1978 as a Nanny, where I met my husband. We got married in 1979 in Germany, and have lived in Canada ever since (my husband is Canadian, I am still a German citizen).

I have finally found out these past two years why I have had all the difficulties in life, and having such poor health. I was finally diagnosed last November (2004) with Tourette Syndrome, a month later with Asperger Syndrome (a form of High Functioning Autism), and two months ago with Celiac Disease.

Since being on a gluten free diet, starting in October, my health has steadily improved, but there is a long way to go.

My marriage was a nightmare from the start, for diverse reasons. When I got married I didn't realize that my husband was part of a very cultish church, which turned over the years more and more into a cult, were the leader had absolute control. My husband was severely brainwashed, and women were treated very badly in that church. We finally got out after 18 years (22 years for my husband), nine years ago.

My husband is an absolute control freak. He tries to control what I do, think and say, and how I should say it. And it's very hard to ever get him to approve of anything I do or say. He truly thinks he is perfect in every way. And if I don't see it now, I'll come around in the future to appreciate what a perfect husband he is.

And he controls himself as much as he controls others (he is driving our youngest daughter crazy). He NEVER raises his voice or gets angry (well, he gets angry, but only his eyes show it, which he denies).

I have been seeing a counsellor since the spring, because I was seriously suicidal then. I see him once a week, and it's quite helpful. Just getting out my stress and frustration helps.

I have, as most people with Asperger Syndrome, a very low tolerance for stress. When the stress overwhelms me, I get depressed. Things that won't even register as stressful with most people will completely overwhelm me, like going to a party (which I try to avoid for the most part), a family gathering, etc.

We have five children, four daughters, 25, 24, 20 and 14, and one son, 22. The three oldest are married. Our oldest daughter lives in Ottawa with her husband and four children, two girls, 5 and 3, and two boys, 3 and 1 (yes, twins). Our second daughter is married and is expecting her first baby in May. And our son and his wife live in the same town as us; our son is the youth pastor for our church, as well as right now taking long distance courses with Heritage College (a theological seminary), to get his degree in Theology, and his wife is working right now, but will study to be a pastry chef next fall for a year. The 20-year-old has finished her photography studies, and is working for a year, and wants to do a year with Youth with a Mission next year. The youngest is in grade 9.

There, that should be enough for starters.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Welcome to PsychLinks, Ursula.

There's a lot to digest in your post - too much for my tired brain at 1:15 in the morning. I'll try to flag it to come back later.

One thing: In addition to this forum, you might find this other one of interest, run by momof5, a member and moderator here: Fibromyalgia Friends & Family Forum.


Hi Ursula,
Welcome to the forum!

Every day she told me that I was useless, worthless, ugly, stupid and good for nothing, and naturally, I believed her, because you believe your own mother when you are little.
I understand this except it was on my dads part. I was sexually, mentally, verbally, and physically abused as a child. The sexuall abuse ended when I was 10. The rest continued on for the rest of the time I lived at home.

It has been a long journey of which I took on my own without seeing someone, so you are doing great by seeing a counselor, and I would not recomend anyone fixing themselves without a counselor. Not everyone can make it through.

I also married an abusive alcholic husband. He stopped drinking, but started again about almsot 2 years ago now. I found out in January. Ignored the signs as I attributed things that he was doing to not following his diet for hypoglyceima.

I also have 5 children around the ages of your childerns ages. My daughter who is third in the birth order was married in January. My oldest is stationed in california in the Marines and the other 3 live here at home. The oldest at home is 22, then I have a 16 and 12 year old, both of whom are ready to turn 17 and 13 shortly.

They are great kids, I was truly blessed with them.

The forum David mentions is mine, and you are most welcome to join, and thanks David for promoting it for me.

I have fibromyalgia, myofascial pain syndrome, raynauds phenm, pheripheral nerve disease, 9 discs that are herinated and buldging in my back and a couple of other injuries.

Now just diagnoised with anemia, and need further testing, though with the holidays upcoming and my baking, I'll scheudel this all for after the holidays ;>)

Anyhow, one thing I need to say, no matter what others say to down us, etc.. We are special people. We are actually better then them because we choose to live our lives for us and others around us and to do good to them.

Bullies are the ones that have problems that they can't deal with, so they pick on people.

No matter what health wise we have going on, we are important special people in life and we can make a difference in others lives.

Just keep reminding yourself how special and important you are to those around you who truly care about you.


Thanks, David and Momof5 for your welcome. Momof5, I have found that fibromyalgia and Celiac disease have pretty much the same symptoms. And especially if your symptoms include anemia you should consider this possibility. I was diagnosed with fibro six years ago, and took 50mg of Codeine Contin (12-hour slow release) twice a day for the last four years for the incredible pain I was experiencing. And even that just took the edge off, at night I often took 100mg (which I was allowed to do), and often I had to supplement with extra strength Tylenol.

After going on a gluten free diet in October, I was able to completely stop all painkillers within two weeks! The difference is just incredible. I was also severey anemic five years ago. It's a common Celiac symptom.


Hi Ursula,
I have heard of Celiac however, I don't know what it is. I should look it up since I Have heard it mentioned several times.

right now, they are checking my liver funciton. A few years ago I had an enlarged liver, which was a sort of complication of a gall blader surgery that caused difficulties. So they are checking it again to make sure that this is functioing correctly. (crosses fingers)


Momof5, having gallbladder stones and liver problems are very common with Celiac disease, too! I had my gallbladder out ten years ago. My mother had her gallbladder out in her forties, and died of liver cancer at the age of 66. She undoubtedly had Celiac disease, too, as she had all the same symptoms as me, and it is genetic. And my sister is getting tested for Celiac now as well, because she surely has it, and she had her gallbladder out, too.

The reason for the liver getting inflamed with Celiac disease is, that gluten is a potent poison for people who have it, and so it poisons and destroys the liver eventually. If your's is already inflamed and enlarged, you should get tested for Celiac disease ASAP! Do you have any gastrointestinal symptoms, like diarrhea and/or constipation? Stomach aches? Rumbling in your bowels?

Here are some links for you to investigate:

Celiac Disease and Gluten-Free Diet Support

The second url leads to a little celiac pamphlet, which is a great one to print and take to your clueless doctor, who can then see what needs to be tested for. I took it to my doctor, who copied what blood tests to do for my two youngest daughters, because she didn't have a clue what to put on the requisition for the lab. But be aware that your health insurance may not cover these tests (depending on where you live), we had to pay for Susie to be tested (which is outrageous, but true).

You know, sometimes I think that nobody really cares about me, and that nobody would even notice if I was gone. Because of the Asperger Syndrome I have many issues, including executive dysfunction. Which means in my case that I am entirely incapable of multi-tasking, and can't be organized enough to actually ever keep my house clean and tidy. I try, but somehow it isn't possible for me. And my husband sure lets me know how useless I am. He makes me feel like such a burden.

I wished I was able to go and get a full time job, but I can't handle the stress, I'd have a nervous breakdown within less than a month. I am babysitting two boys two days a week to have a little money of my own (my husband won't give me an allowance, and questions everything I buy, telling me I don't need it, if I don't make some money for myself), and just doing that job is all I can handle. He just told me the other day that he feels like he is married to a child. And I feel that he is right. That's what my mother always said about my dad, too. I feel so useless!


I know how you feel, my husband was like that when he was drinking before.

I should have picked up on things, but didn't as when I was injured at work and all the injuries hit, then the side effects, fms etc.. hit about a year or so after, he didn't mind things in the house.

Then about 2 years ago he started complinaing etc.. I attributed it to the hypoglycemia. Now I know it was the drinking and I should have picked up on it.

I'm going to look at your information, thanks for sending it.

Now I have to get to finishing the christmas decoartions and I am so far behind on mixing cookies. I'm heating up chicken and will have a few pickle slices with it.

Oh, yes to the bowel stuff. I have had this problem since the injuries, mostly not being able to move the bowels. Sometimes I can take something every night and not go for a week or more. Menstrual cramps help though, lol.

With the levels of the disc injury, from t-9 and down the the lumbar area, there are so many areas of the body that are affected by this. So even with the headaches, there is so much going on with me, that I think doc gets upset if he can't figure things out. When so much is there, where does a doc start? I don't blame them for not picking things up.

With my heart failure it took them 2 years to diagnois it, due to fms causing chest pains etc.. It got to the point where I lost a billing job I had at home. All I did was sleep cause I could not breath, and could not work the basic 20 hours required.

A few days after I found out I didnt' have the job I was in the hospital for heart failure. They were looking for something called crest, and one other thing that involved the heart and lungs, can't recall what it was. But the echo study showed that I was only operating at 42% when the norm is 55 %.

Just remember this, you do as you can do, and what you can't at this point, save for another time. I figure if he dont' like it, he can do it ;>)

Also, that doesn't make us lazy, worthless etc...We need to reserve our strenght day to day.
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