Some Questions about mindfulness

[ritc]

Hello,

I am looking for a place to ask questions about mindfulness.

I often believe that I am my biggest obstacle to leading a happy, fulfilling life and have recently turned to mindfulness to see if I can do something about it. I have read Jon Kabat-Zinn (Full Catastrophe Living) and Mark Williams (Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World) on the subject and have participated a few times in a small group practice.

I am currently experiencing sleep disturbance getting from 4 to 5 hours of sleep per night. I fall asleep easily but wake up before the alarm and the ruminating starts and I mostly cannot stop it. I'm wondering if mindfulness can directly help me to get back to sleep when this happens.

I have also had experiences in which reflecting on problems (a kind of ruminating) has led me to the answer to a problem, which may be one reason why I cannot let go of this ruminating habit.

Planning, risk assessment and looking to the future are an important part of my job. How does one reconcile a mindfulness focus on the present with needs for planning, risk assessment and forecasting?

Just a few questions to start but there are more where those came from.

Best regards,
RitC

 

[MHealthJo]

Welcome RitC.

That's a good question, and you are definitely not the first person to encounter challenges and questions with mindfulness practise.

I don't have much knowledge about the usage of mindfulness as an aid to falling back to sleep... I wonder if in those periods you might have more success with another kind of relaxation audio, some yoga, or another kind of breathing exercise? I am really not sure though, so you should feel free to pursue whatever option seems best to you...

Personally I have had some unexpected really good success with long-term difficulties with sleep recently, using long sleep hypnosis audios (just the popular ones on Youtube). I had not really tried much hypnosis before, but I have found the more regular speech and instruction in a hypnosis audio has had a better effect for falling asleep than other kinds of relaxation techniques I have tried to use in the past. I would say though that whatever success you have with other kinds of relaxation, even at other times of the day, if practised regularly, can have a general overall effect of lowering stress and anxiety which could be expected to have some effect on your sleep.

Another thing I will say is that early or unplanned waking can be one of the classic symptoms of depression - not suggesting this is the case with you, but something to keep in mind. Sometimes people don't look like the 'classic' definition of depression, and are surprised when they find that some of what they are going through may still fit the diagnosis.

Wish the best to you.... Hope you can find the answers to your questions...

 

[ritc]

Thank you for the tips MHealthJo, I am curious about hypnosis and will have a look at the videos.

About the depression, I didn't mention it in my first post, but yes I have been on anti-depressants in the past, but I've tired of taking meds. I struggle with what I would call a melancholy nature. Factoring out the work stress, I have difficulty, based on the events in my life, understanding why I should be depressed. I don't know, maybe there's something I'm missing - but it's why I say I believe that I am my biggest obstacle in life and why I have turned to mindfulness to try to overcome this specter that seems to be just a part of my personality. And the anxiety is there too. I just seem to have such a low tolerance for the smallest thing that might set me off balance. Mornings are the worst, evenings I'm fine and I have no problem at all falling asleep.

One think I've learned from my experience with Mindfulness is the importance of breathing. I now often realize when I am holding my breath. It's often when interacting with other people in stress provoking situations and I can feel myself feeling aggressive. By breathing deeply I find I can control the aggressive feeling and I (at least temporarily) feel better.

Mark Williams in his book Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World talks a lot about "being" and "doing". One thing I found helpful was that he explains that you don't need to stop "doing". Rather, mindfulness should allow you to switch between the "doing" and the "being" modes, especially when "doing" stops being productive or effective.

Again, thanks for sharing.
RitC

 

[Modus.Ponens]

Hello,

I am looking for a place to ask questions about mindfulness.

I often believe that I am my biggest obstacle to leading a happy, fulfilling life and have recently turned to mindfulness to see if I can do something about it. I have read Jon Kabat-Zinn (Full Catastrophe Living) and Mark Williams (Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World) on the subject and have participated a few times in a small group practice.

I am currently experiencing sleep disturbance getting from 4 to 5 hours of sleep per night. I fall asleep easily but wake up before the alarm and the ruminating starts and I mostly cannot stop it. I'm wondering if mindfulness can directly help me to get back to sleep when this happens.

I have also had experiences in which reflecting on problems (a kind of ruminating) has led me to the answer to a problem, which may be one reason why I cannot let go of this ruminating habit.

Planning, risk assessment and looking to the future are an important part of my job. How does one reconcile a mindfulness focus on the present with needs for planning, risk assessment and forecasting?

Just a few questions to start but there are more where those came from.

Best regards,
RitC

Hello

Regarding the sleeping problems, the practice of metta is useful. Metta means loving-kindness. The purpose is to cultivate this loving-kindness towards yourself and others. Since you have rumination problems, it would be better if you practiced metta towards yourself. You will, very likely, find that this practice will calm the rumination. A lot of it stems out of a negative self image, so self metta changes this negativity.

About mindfulness vs planning: there is no problem conciliating. Set a specific time for planning; write it down; then forget it and practice mindfulness of the present. I know: it's easier said than done. But there is no actual incompatibility.

How to practice metta meditation? Sit in the usual meditation position. Take a few breaths to actively relax the entire body. Then you direct a mind of unconditional kindness towards yourself. You can't force it to happen, but you have to give a gentle push. Just gently open yourself to feel kindness towards yourself. Mantain and prolong that mind state. You will feel a sweet, calm and pleasant feeling in the body. Then all you have to do is prolong that attitude of kindness, with the help of the associated bodily feelings. The ideal is that you feel this in all your body. But some parts may not feel it. Try to generate the feeling in those parts. If it still doesn't work, mantain your focus on all the body parts that have that feeling. The "mantain and prolong" part is the most important, when you have generated the necessary attitude and feelings. That's the actual meditation.

If you are having trouble generating kindness, and its associating feelings, then remember some acts of kindness that were done to you. That helps. Or remember the feelings you have towards a puppy, or something like that. Sometimes you will have to cultivate the kindness attitude for a while until the associated bodily feelings arrise. That's normal.

You will find that there are inner obstacles to loving yourself, like low self esteem about your looks, or any other thing. When you find these, continue practicing and these low-self-esteem feelings will decrease steadily.

If you have more questions, go ahead.

 

[ritc]

Hello Modus.Ponens,

I was wondering if you could say more about the connection between a negative self image and ruminating. I was thinking it had more to do with anxiety.

Again, considering I have had a life relatively free of external sources of pain (I've been healthy, financially stable, etc.) I have a hard time understanding all of this internal turbulence. It makes me feel really self absorbed. I feel like I should be a stronger person. I know it maybe sounds strange but somehow, I'm associating in my mind this idea of kindness towards myself with permissiveness and indulgence.

 

[Modus.Ponens]

Hello Modus.Ponens,

I was wondering if you could say more about the connection between a negative self image and ruminating. I was thinking it had more to do with anxiety.

Again, considering I have had a life relatively free of external sources of pain (I've been healthy, financially stable, etc.) I have a hard time understanding all of this internal turbulence. It makes me feel really self absorbed. I feel like I should be a stronger person. I know it maybe sounds strange but somehow, I'm associating in my mind this idea of kindness towards myself with permissiveness and indulgence.

I'm not a psychologist, nor a psychiatrist, but I think that if you had self confidence and good self esteem you wouldn't constantly worry about the future _ given that there is no aparent reason for it. If you mean rumination in the clinical sense of constantly worrying about past failure, and associated problems, this also applies. Usualy this lack of confidence stems from a negative image of oneself. This observation, I think, is reinforced by your "reluctance" towards the idea of practicing kindness towards yourself. Why wouldn't you want to be kind towards yourself?

But now that you mention it, I have found it's much more effective to learn from my mistakes when I'm practicing metta, than when I'm not. When I'm not practicing metta, instead of accepting my mistakes, learn from them and change them, I feel guilt and self hate. This guilt and self hate doesn't alow me to change my behaviour simply because I blame myself for my mistakes in an unhealthy way. It creates in me the negative self image of a person who cannot avoid repeating these mistakes. And this image becomes a self-fullfilling prophecy. It's a downward spiral.

Metta is not a selfish love. It's not narcissism. It's unconditional love. But just because you love yourself it doesn't mean you will now do whatever you want, without consequences. Don't worry about that.

 

[ritc]

Another question I have is whether mindfulness is about slowing down (kind of in the sense of the expression "to smell the roses"). For example, if you eat mindfully, won't it take longer to finish eating than otherwise?

Then the next question, how does one practice Loving-Kindness towards oneself?

 

[Modus.Ponens]

Another question I have is whether mindfulness is about slowing down (kind of in the sense of the expression "to smell the roses"). For example, if you eat mindfully, won't it take longer to finish eating than otherwise?

Then the next question, how does one practice Loving-Kindness towards oneself?

1- The original and full purpose of mindfulness is to end suffering through direct, experiencial knowledge of the nature of reality _ interior an exterior _ and your relation with it. You can take the amount of this goal you want and practice acordingly.
To answer concretely to your question: not necessarily. What happens is that you will see directly that when you are in a hurry, you are very tense. And sometimes you do have to hurry: for a big meeting, for example. So what mindfulness provides is a way of figuring out how to hurry without tension, when there is a need to hurry. But in general, you will be much more at ease if you slow down a bit, relax and enjoy the undisturbed and calm minddfulness. There's a saying in my country that translates something like "If you go slow, you'll go far." Or, if you want a more famous analogy, the story of the turtoise and the hare. Even if you are slower in the short term, you'll be faster in the long run.
But even more importantly, why would it matter so much if you are a bit slower? Mindfulness brings peace and happiness. Do you prefer to be tense, unhappy and fast or at ease, happy and a bit slower?

2- I've mentioned this in my last post:
How to practice metta meditation? Sit in the usual meditation position. Take a few breaths to actively relax the entire body. Then you direct a mind of unconditional kindness towards yourself. You can't force it to happen, but you have to give a gentle push. Just gently open yourself to feel kindness towards yourself. Mantain and prolong that mind state. You will feel a sweet, calm and pleasant feeling in the body. Then all you have to do is prolong that attitude of kindness, with the help of the associated bodily feelings. The ideal is that you feel this in all your body. But some parts may not feel it. Try to generate the feeling in those parts. If it still doesn't work, mantain your focus on all the body parts that have that feeling. The "mantain and prolong" part is the most important, when you have generated the necessary attitude and feelings. That's the actual meditation.
What happens is that you generate the feeling of metta, focus on it and it fades. If it fades to the point where it's not easy to focus on it, generate metta again and get back to focusing on the feeling.

Now this is very important: if you do a small amount of practice a day, say 20 minutes, there's probably not much need to worry. It's like higiene for the mind. However, if you practice with more intensity, be prepared to face things in yourself that you are not quite aware of. Strong negative feelings, which were repressed, can bubble up. Or, maybe even more disturbing for some, you can go throgh a very difficult period when you start to realise the nature of reality and your "disfunctional" relation with it. So, if you're going to do this more intensively, you are strongly advised to be followed by a psychologist. Plus, you'll need orientation from someone who knows the terrain well _ which, by the way, is not me.

 

[ritc]

Thank you Modus.Ponens for replying to my question.

Another one I have been thinking of recently is how mindfulness can be interpreted for people who have set out to be positive change agents in the world. From what I have read about mindfulness, intentionally wishing to change the way the world is seems to go against the current of mindfulness. By the way, I am currently reading "Where ever you go, there you are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

 

[Modus.Ponens]

Thank you Modus.Ponens for replying to my question.

Another one I have been thinking of recently is how mindfulness can be interpreted for people who have set out to be positive change agents in the world. From what I have read about mindfulness, intentionally wishing to change the way the world is seems to go against the current of mindfulness. By the way, I am currently reading "Where ever you go, there you are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

This is a good question.

You can be a positive influence in the world. But you have to accept it the way it is now. It's like what an alchoholic has to go through to abandon his habit. He first has to admit that he has a real problem. He has to realise the full consequences of that, without hiding anything from himself. Then, seeing that his habit has to change, he tries to move in that direction. But he has to move in a realistic way. In a way that is completely honest with himself.

Translating that in terms of mindfulness. You can try to do good and change things. But it's not healthy to do it with a sense that things should be the way you want them to be. You will meet a lot of frustration that way, even if you can change some things. It reminds me of a documentary I saw once about nuns in India doing voluntary work, together with lay voluntaries. They said that if you want to live that life, you have to do it out of love. If you're going to do it because you think it's the right thing to do, you will eventualy go back to your home country.

And it's a very good question because it's an aparent contradiction that goes all the way to deepest level of the mind. You suffer because you attach or have aversion to things _ internal or external. But abandoning attachment and aversion doesn't mean that you turn into an emotionless robot. For example, you can prefer having orange juice to having water. But you will only suffer if, on top of that preference, you add attachment.