Someone help me please

[*Secret*Pixie*]

Hello,Thanks to everyone for your support with the frist thread that i have done.I decied to post agin beacuse i have a different subject on my mind.Over the past year i have been with the same guy.He is a great guy when we frist meet and well to say the least to has begun to go down hill over the past couple months.He has cheated on me on several ocassions and i still stay with him beacuse i am sooo scared that if i was to leave him i would start si agin.We have tried in the past to end this but over all i just begin to fall back for him and he takes me back.I belive that if i was to complety take him out of my life i would fall to pieces and i dont want that.I want to be stabel and i wonder how that could ever be possible.He has know about my past since we meet and i have never been able to keep it a secert when i have had a slip up which i have had a couple imes from things he has said to me.Most recenlty i had a sever mood swing and he began to cuse me and to tell me i was nothing and i would never be able to be with with him beacuse i was a crazy ______ ( fill in the blank) That night i went off on myself and took out my pain from him out on me.Well when he found out About it he said that he coudelnt trust me anymore and that i should just go find someone eles beacuse i was never going to be able to be with him beacuse he couldent be with someone who did that to themselves.But the next day he shows up on my door step wanting to just use me for what he wants....and i let it happen beacuse i wanted to feel cared about.I want to be with him and well once agin he got ****ed off at me when after everything i began to cry and he ran out....but the next day he returned and the same cycle conitues.He still says he loves me but i dont know what to do.I have always dreamed of begin with him and since the day that i meet him i knew there was something speical there but i worry all i am in for now is heart break.Another thing that i have to worry about is him.I have always know he was very depressed with very low self esttem and on many occasions he has threated to kill himself if i left him..and has attempted a couple times.I dont know what to truley do and i can not understand how he can feel that way about himself and then not understand what i am goin through..Anyways well i would really love some advice on this topic.thank you

 

[Into The Light]

hello pixie, i know things are complicated and that it's just not that easy for you to leave just like that; however, this is not a healthy relationship. you say he first tells you you can't be with him, but then shows up the next day and uses you under the guise that he loves you.

you also say:

I have always know he was very depressed with very low self esttem and on many occasions he has threated to kill himself if i left him

one thing that is very important to be aware of is that you can never be held responsible should he decide to commit suicide. that cannot be blamed on you. he is responsible for his own actions, and to threaten to kill himself if you leave him is emotional blackmail. do not let this be a reason for you to stay with him.

i realize you feel that you cannot live without him and that you would fall apart without him, but that is something you should try to work on. he isn't treating you with any respect and you would be much better off without him. even though it might feel like it, your life won't be over if you were to leave him.

 

[ThatLady]

Are you in therapy at this time, pixie? It sounds like you could really benefit from someone to talk to. The relationship you describe isn't a healthy relationship, at all. It sounds as though both of you have some very serious issues with your mental health, and that makes it difficult to help each other since you need to be centered on helping yourself. Nobody can help another person when they, themselves, are suffering.

 

[*Secret*Pixie*]

hello,
Thank you for your respones to my thread.in respnes to some of the quesions, no right now i am not in therphy.I have been considering it for a while now and wanting to go but i cant get up the guts to.I mean to me opening up to some stranger is hard beacuse it is hard to open up to people that i care about and everything.And on the outher hand i am scared of what might come from me goin.I am kinda worried about people seeing the real me but mayb that is just weird..Idk...I feel like i have been dealing so much by myself that when i have my high days i dont feel like i need help and on my low days i dont even want to get out of bed.thank you agin for your respones.

 

[ThatLady]

It's very normal to be afraid to start therapy, pixie. I think we all felt that way. It's not easy to think of yourself opening up to a virtual stranger all the intricacies of your life. However, it's not like you have to bare your soul the minute you walk through the therapist's door. Therapy takes place over time, and things come out when they're ready to come out. It gets easier as one moves along. It's much more frightening before you go than it is once you get started.