Stages in depression?

[Into The Light]

i'm not sure if this is the right section for this post but i guess i'll just put it here.

i've been wondering if there are set stages that people go through as they develop depression, and also as they recover from depression. i don't know when exactly my depression began, but i know i was very unhappy for a very long time, and as time went by i just got more and more irritable. i thought it was just stress.

for recovery, right now i have been questioning my purpose a lot lately. why am i here? just to enjoy life? it seems so frivolous, just for things to be fun. what's my value? i just get tired thinking of the lifetime ahead of me, of all the ups and downs i am going to have to face, of possibly having to battle depression again once i recover this time, seeing as they say you have a pretty high chance of getting it again the more often you have it (this is my second time around, however i am beginning to wonder if it's maybe my third, it's hard to say, i remember always feeling alone my whole life, and i know as a teenager i was miserable and withdrew a lot)

i also find i am not wanting to change anymore, now that i am back to a very familiar me. i am really struggling with connecting with other people. i just don't feel the need to be with friends or talk to family. i just want to be alone. the pressure to have to put on a happy face when around others makes me feel a bit hopeless too. then i think i just don't want to bother with life. i just want to be left alone.

i have been this way my whole life, always a loner. i want to be left alone unless i feel sad, and that's when i suddenly want other people around. i have stopped doing things one should do to get well, like exercising and getting out to see people, taking time for myself to just relax, i haven't been doing my mood logs like i was supposed to because i didn't want to work on my feelings. the only thing i seem to be doing is taking my medication and communicating here. i just don't want to work at it anymore now that i am back to a familiar place in how i feel.

are these things everyone goes through while recovering? how do i make myself want to change? i thought i would do anything to be happy again but now i feel stuck. it's frustrating, but not enough to make me want to do all the things i need to.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: stages in depression?

I think probably these are things other people go through. Especially the part about questioning why we're here. I wonder this about myself a lot, what IS my value.

One thing about healing that is hard is confronting yourself. If that makes sense. It's tiring work. It's hard. I think some days you slip back down again and even go backwards.

I can relate to a lot of things you mentioned. I'm not sure what the answers are though. I'm not sure how to make yourself want to change.

Do you think your medication is working? That might be something going on.

I wish I could think better what to say.

 

[Halo]

Re: stages in depression?

First BBC, I think that most people with depression have asked themselves the very questions that you are asking yourself. Second, I was wondering if you are seeing a therapist who you get along with and who you could talk about these feelings openly with him/her, third as Janet suggested, are you/do you think that your medication is working?

I to be honest don't have any magical answers either but I know that I have felt that way myself and it is like a rut. I have never come out of the depression so I don't know the feeling of being in recovery from my depression but I can only imagine what it must be like. I know that I have thought that if this is the way that my life is going to be for the rest of it than I don't want to be here. That was a scary time to be thinking like that and to be that is the same sort of giving up that I am hearing from you. Not living but existing.

Anyway, my suggestion is to go and see your therapist if you have one, if not, go see your gp and get a referral. I think that a therapist could really help you to figure where you are now and where you want to be in the future.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't think there are any set stages, BBC. Even the condition/disorder itself isn't necessarily identical in how it manifests itself in different individuals, although there are of course certain commonly seen elements. That's partly why individualized treatment rather than a "one size fits all" approach is so important.

As to the issue of relapse, there are no guarantees but what we do know from research is that terminating treatment (whether that means discontinuing medication or discontinuing therapy) prematurely is associated with a significantly higher likelihood of relapse within a 2 to 5 year period.

 

[ThatLady]

I think we have times when we just have to lay back a bit and process. Changing the way one thinks is difficult work, and very tiring. Just as we need rest if we're digging trenches in the back yard, we need rest if we're digging trenches through our inner thoughts. I see nothing wrong with taking a short break now and then to analyze where you've been and where you're going.

I also don't see that there's necessarily anything wrong with being a person who enjoys being alone. I'm one of those, in many ways. My working life is spent dealing with people on a constant basis. My personal life is less so. I avoid social situation as much as I can to allow myself some down-time from the constant pressures of social interface. For me, it works.

Give yourself a break, BBC, without beating yourself up for it. Then, return to your exercising, taking time for yourself, and your mood logs. When you feel you need another break, take one without guilt. See if that helps.

 

[Into The Light]

One thing about healing that is hard is confronting yourself.

you hit the nail right on the head with this, janet. i am now having to face myself and i find it difficult.

nancy you put it very well, i am existing not living. i don't want to just exist. what's the sense. i have my next appointment with my therapist tomorrow. i'm not sure how he's going to react to me not having done my mood logs. i just haven't made any progress in the last 2 weeks other than that my anxiety is down noticably.

i do think my medication is working. i am quite sure of it. i would be much worse off without it.

As to the issue of relapse, there are no guarantees but what we do know from research is that terminating treatment (whether that means discontinuing medication or discontinuing therapy) prematurely is associated with a significantly higher likelihood of relapse within a 2 to 5 year period.

david how do you know when you can stop therapy, that is, when it's not premature?

thatlady, i think maybe that is what this is. just a break, and i can get back to all those things in a few days.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

david how do you know when you can stop therapy, that is, when it's not premature?

I would say that's probably something to discuss with your therapist - there is no fixed time - for some people it may be a matter of weeks; for others months.