More threads by David Baxter PhD

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I've Created a "Survivor Needs" Meme
By Marj aka Thriver on awareness

This holiday season, many of us survivors are rushing around trying to get our gift shopping done and get all those items on our lists checked off. For some of us, the holidays are a painful time of triggers and obtrusive memories. Whether you hate Christmas, really get into the holiday spirit, or just tend to run yourself ragged this time of year, it's time to pay attention to some of your own needs.

I know! Let's make a list for ourselves and do it as a meme.

I've created a list of "Survivor Needs" and I've arranged them from 1-25, like an advent calendar counting down to the 25th day of December. I've also sprinkled in a few things that I, as a survivor and a human, just want! For your own list, maybe you need to pretend it's not the holidays. Maybe you can't tolerate touch (even cyber hugs), but you want some healing vibes sent your way. Maybe you don't feel comfortable telling your story, but you want others to know you are a survivor and not feel so alone.

This is your chance to communicate your own, personal survivor needs.

You don't have to wait to get tagged with this meme. Grab it and post a list of your own! Let's focus some attention on self care this holiday season...with an emphasis on getting our needs met in the New Year.

My Survivor Needs
As a survivor trying to thrive:

  1. I need PEACE.
  2. I need some sleep!
  3. I need to feel safe in the shower and in my bed.
  4. I need rapport and effective work with a good therapist who cares.
  5. (Although I've often tried to do without them) I need anti-depressant meds and something for anxiety and sleep when I need it.
  6. I need to be silly and have some fun once in a while.
  7. I need to do safe, healthy anger work.
  8. I need to get in touch with my feelings.
  9. I need to be in my body.
  10. I need safe touch with trusted others and safe cyber hugs.
  11. I need to tell my story and know that I'm not alone.
  12. I need to advocate for and connect with other survivors, and raise awareness about sexual violence and abuse.
  13. I need soft, warm jammies, slipper socks, blankets, hoodies and throws.
  14. I need non-sexual touch and affection with my husband.
  15. I need to exercise assertiveness, boundaries and communication with others to keep myself safe.
  16. I need to get out in nature and know that all can be right with the world.
  17. I need to hold my child and feel his soft cheek against mine.
  18. I need a warm, furry pet.
  19. I need to comfort and re-parent my inner child.
  20. I need to renew my commitment to breaking the cycle...every day.
  21. I need to stay away from most of my family of origin--they are toxic!
  22. I need to continue to work on a healthy relationship with my sister.
  23. I need healthy self-esteem.
  24. I need to know that I am worth good things and I deserve them!
  25. I need to let you know that you're not alone either--I'm here and I care.
And, I also want (but don't necessarily need and/or might not ever have):

  1. I want coffee!
  2. I want chocolate!
  3. I want a cigarette (but I'm not going to have one).
  4. I want a pill that would eliminate my nightmares.
  5. I want to end all forms of sexual violence and child abuse everywhere, forever.


This made me tearful - in a good way... thank you. :)

I'll print it out when I'm back at work and stick it on my pin board..


I need soft, warm jammies, slipper socks, blankets, hoodies and throws.

I cleaned the house for twelve hours non-stop. Now what to do? Hide under my blanket? My computer crashed three times in three weeks. Seems to be working okay now. Started some data entry and noticed we have a new customer named David Baxter. :eek: I mean - that's interesting. :heart: Mari

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Started some data entry and noticed we have a new customer named David Baxter. :eek: I mean - that's interesting.

A customer for what? Don't worry - it's probably not me. :)

When I started my undergraduate degree in Montreal, there was another David Baxter at the same university. He was a jock. He got his name in the papers every week; I got his bills. That's when I started calling myself David J. Baxter. :panic:


H! Most of our customers are in the bakery business and by many of the responses on this forum they provide a bit of therapy. They make things like chocolate bon-bons, chocolate cookies, chocolate cakes, chocolate pies, chocolate custard, chocolate cup cakes, chocolate pudding,chocolate squares. Sorry, I got carried away there - they do not just make chocolate. :heart: Mari


I cried. Why is it that people don't understand these simple things? I'm having a very hard go of it this Holiday Season. I wish Santa knew these things!
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