Taking Chances...

[Plex]

There was a time when I had a lot of friends and acquaintances and I loved it. I loved spending time with them and chatting about anything that came up in the conversation. My mind was open and I treated the other person as though I was interacting with myself, or someone just like me. I felt everyone was a good person. If I did meet someone nasty, I'd still talk to them as if it was my best friend, but I wouldn't pay attention to the negativity. It was something that came naturally.

All that's changed now.

I have no friends and I feel different from others. It's hard to relate to people or have a conversation with them. I don't feel any familiarity to them and I don't feel like anybody will understand me. It's been proven.

Everything went downhill after I started "experimenting" with drugs and alcohol. I met some bad people and I had some really bad experiences with them. My world seems to have changed completely and no matter what I do, I can't get back into my previous life. It's like I'm a different person now.

Another thing, I over-think about everything. When this first started to manifest, my old friends would tell me that it was a waste of time. I couldn't help it and I kept at it. Eventually, my reality changed and viola.

My days are spent inside my head, in my own private world, which I find hard to escape at times.

I need serious help (I'm practically dying) and I've tried many things.

I can't be more honest: I truly have no reason to live.

 

[ladylore]

Welcome to Psychlinks Plex:welcome2:

Are you seeing anyone to address the addiction stuff? I have been clean and sober for 18 months now - what your talking about is familiar to me. I also lost alot when the addiction really took hold.

Welcome again.

 

[Halo]

Hi Plex and first off welcome to Psychlinks :welcome2:

I am glad that you decided to join us and I hope that you will gain as much help and support from here as you can.

Plex, do you have a therapist that you see regularly or have you thought about seeking therapy for the feelings that you describe. If not, I would definitely consider it as having the thoughts of "no reason to live" are seriously scary (having been there many times).

There are some good resources and threads that you may want to read in this forum Addictive Behaviours.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, Plex.

Can you tell us a bit more about your alcohol and drug use, especially which drugs you were using?

 

[Plex]

I only used them a few times each (cocaine and ecstasy were the hardest ones). I smoked a few puffs of weed daily (sometimes more) for about one year and I liked to drink beer - occasionally drinking hard liquor. I drank and used drugs to feel better and enhance my enjoyment of life. I also used, because my new friends were using and I was also interested in the experience, new perspectives and so on. Biggest mistake of my life. Instead of hanging out and developing relationships with the wrong people, I should have stuck with my old friends (who got good grades and played tennis at lunch) and I should have focused on my studies... I have many regrets.

Anyways, I haven't used drugs or drank alcohol for a long time (a few years). There have been periods in between where I'd get drunk by myself, but that hasn't happened in half a year and it wasn't constant.

There were very dark times, where I had thoughts of suicide (still do - sometimes on a daily basis) and couldn't take it. So, I'd look through the medicine cabinet and drink up the cough syrup. Basically, I had moments where I'd ingest anything that would mess me up. Probably, because I wanted to forget about a lot of things and my - at the that time - current situation.

I'm sure I damaged my brain and that's why I'm having these problems.

One more thing, I started to rebel after my father tried to commit suicide. He had a few nervous breakdowns (he owns a successful business). He was also prescribed Risperdal, but never took it. He's better now and doesn't act crazy anymore - that's my job now...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You've had a lot to cope with in your young life, Plex. You need to be sure you don't do (or not do) things that will make it any more difficult than it already has been.

Please see my comments in your other thread.

 

[Plex]

I'm desperate for information.

I do like to study, but it does get irritating at times, because I want to know everything and learning takes takes more time then I'd like it to. Plus, my memory isn't that great, neither is my concentration. When I try and study, I usually end up spending "some" time on it and the other part on thinking about other things. I'm not sure how the mind works, but it seems that this constant thinking seems to be rewiring my brain in a weird way. This may be a large factor in why I'm having these problems. The lack in information is really hurting my mental health.

I've tried to convince myself that medication is the right way to go, but the more I read about it, the more I'm turned off by it.

I need people to start telling me the truth.

For example: I asked a psychiatrist (from New Outlook) about my symptoms, such as: hallucinations, delusions, voices... I don't think I get the last one, though, I can imagine that I hear voices. Anyways, I asked the psychiatrist what hallucinations are and if healthy people get them. His response: No.

Anyone can imagine anything they want. That's called a vision. I asked him if a vision is a hallucination. His response: it can be.

What's up with the mystery and so on? Why should I believe that I have this problem?

I need help.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm not sure how the mind works, but it seems that this constant thinking seems to be rewiring my brain in a weird way. This may be a large factor in why I'm having these problems. The lack in information is really hurting my mental health.

No. It's the illness, schizophrenia, that's causing your problems, not lack of information or too much thinking.

I've tried to convince myself that medication is the right way to go, but the more I read about it, the more I'm turned off by it.

Then you're reading the wrong things. You'll find some resources about this illness here at this forum. read those.

I need people to start telling me the truth.

I am telling you the truth, Plex.

For example: I asked a psychiatrist (from New Outlook) about my symptoms, such as: hallucinations, delusions, voices... I don't think I get the last one, though, I can imagine that I hear voices. Anyways, I asked the psychiatrist what hallucinations are and if healthy people get them. His response: No.

Anyone can imagine anything they want. That's called a vision. I asked him if a vision is a hallucination. His response: it can be.

What's up with the mystery and so on? Why should I believe that I have this problem?

It's not a mystery. You are showing symptoms of a thought disorder, visual and auditory hallucinations, delusional thinking. These are all classic symptoms of schizophrenia. Your psychiatrist is telling you the truth. There is no mystery. This is an illness, a brain disorder.

I need help.

Your psychiatrist is trying to help you. You need to return to him/her and talk about your medication issue.

 

[Into The Light]

plex, here's a link to the sub-forum with information about schizophrenia: Schizophrenia Related Disorders - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Forum.

 

[Plex]

I honestly don't mean to be a pest, but I'm just not getting the answers that I'm looking for. I hope I didn't annoy you, it's just... it's hard to accept this, because I feel there's too little evidence out there. I know, there's plenty, but I've read many conflicting things and I've got something most doctors don't and that's first hand experience.

This ties into the above: have you heard of a Psychiatrist named, Thomas Szasz? (he wrote a book, called: "The Myth of Mental Illness".

Now, there are people who need professional help (maybe partly due to taking prescription meds), but maybe not all.

No. It's the illness, schizophrenia, that's causing your problems, not lack of information or too much thinking.

From what I understand, it's an illness, because of the way someone thinks. Sure, it could go both ways, but if I shut my brain off, would I still be considered to have this illness?

You are showing symptoms of a thought disorder, visual and auditory hallucinations, delusional thinking.

Can you please provide evidence? And how is it abnormal? (for example: perfectly healthy people chat with others in their heads. It's called imagination and visualization.

These are all classic symptoms of schizophrenia. Your psychiatrist is telling you the truth.

He's telling me whatever he believes the truth to be. If someone's been brain washed and I haven't, then it's not abnormal for me to not agree with them.

There is no mystery. This is an illness, a brain disorder.

There must be, or else, there'd be a cure.

You need to return to him/her and talk about your medication issue.

I've got a lot of appointments coming up, but I don't believe they're going to help me...

The point is, they're not giving me anything to work with. Instead, their treating me as if I'm retarded and shouldn't be told the facts about this illness and so on...

I'm just trying to get a better understanding, that's all.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

have you heard of a Psychiatrist named, Thomas Szasz? (he wrote a book, called: "The Myth of Mental Illness".

Yes. I'm quite familiar with Szasz and similar proponents of the antipsychiatry movement. What they are saying is total crap, to be blunt. I'm also familiar with what Scientology has to say about psychiatry and mental illness and that's the same brand of total crap.

See the attached article, The Myth of Thomas Szasz, below. There really are so many flaws in his arguments that it's difficult to know where to even begin. But someone trained in and competent to diagnosis is not going to confuse some who is sad or feeling blue with major depression, or someone with a few eccentric or fanciful ideas with schizophrenia. There are very specific criteria for mental illness and if you have been given the diagnosis of schizophrenia it's because you meet a sufficient number of those criteria to be given that diagnosis.

The point is, they're not giving me anything to work with. Instead, their treating me as if I'm retarded and shouldn't be told the facts about this illness and so on... I'm just trying to get a better understanding, that's all.

I know that there are some psychiatrists who take this unfortunate authoritarian view. I think the better ones do their best to help you be a part of your therapy. But sometimes you need an advocate or you need to become your own advocate.

 

[Plex]

See the attached article, The Myth of Thomas Szasz, below.

Thank you. I'll read it a little later - it's huge!

There are always two sides, have you explored both?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes.

 

[Plex]

Thanks, David, that article was interesting, but it didn't really prove anything... (did I miss something?)

See the attached article, The Myth of Thomas Szasz, below. There really are so many flaws in his arguments that it's difficult to know where to even begin.

Like what?

 

[Plex]

David, I need your help. You're a psychologist and this is what you do - you help people. I'm sure the money's great and all, but I'll assume that's not the only reason people enter the mental health profession...

I saw a mental health worker yesterday (I've got a few more appointments lined up - with others). It's always the same: they ask questions and I respond. I ask questions and they respond. Afterwards, I'm still left with the same questions and doubts. It seems like I know everything they know, because they won't give me any new information. It's always the same. Talking to them is like reading from an introductory psychology textbook. Nothing new there. What good are their degrees and experiences (working with the mentally ill), if they cannot help me. Or similarly - if they cannot convince me?

They must know more then I know, so why don't they just tell me?

This is driving me crazy. I need to know, so just tell me. Please.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't know what you're asking or what you think would convince you, Plex. I think you are very likely getting the same feedback from everyone you see: You have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. From your own statements here, that diagnosis seems likely to be accurate, in my opinion. You have been prescribed medication which you discontinued. You are hoping that someone is going to tell you that you can manage this illness without medication - but that simply isn't going to happen.

Take the advice the doctors are giving to you, Plex. Take the medication. If you're finding the side-effects difficult, tell your doctors and let them prescribe something else.

 

[Plex]

From your own statements here, that diagnosis seems likely to be accurate, in my opinion.

Can you please provide examples of this.?
....................................................................................................................................................................................
Here's another example:

broken leg - swelling, pain, visual, etc (makes sense, doc!).
vs.
Schizophrenia - hallucinations, voices, delusions, etc... (I still don't get it...)

All my symptoms can be explained and seem as something normal.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

No, Plex. You have a mental disorder. You need treatment and that treatment in your case needs to include medication.

Please listen to your doctors.

 

[Plex]

Yes, yes, yes.

So far, you've failed to answer my questions. In fact, you've ignored most of them and in place of answers, you've been repeating the same thing, over and over, again. It's disappointing. Seriously.

You've also deleted my "psychosis" thread. I wonder why...

You might as well delete the rest of my posts, because they're worthless and I won't be returning.

Farewell.

 

[Into The Light]

the psychosis thread has not been deleted, plex. it is still there.

dr baxter is trying to help you. he is repeating the same message to you because it is a very important one and he wants you to hear it.

broken leg - swelling, pain, visual, etc (makes sense, doc!).
vs.
Schizophrenia - hallucinations, voices, delusions, etc... (I still don't get it...)

what is it you do not get?

the hallucinations, voices, and delusions are indeed symptoms of schizophrenia. what you experience is not what people without schizophrenia experience. it's like the broken leg. if you don't have a broken leg, you don't have the swelling, the pain, and the visual. someone who does have a broken leg does have all of these signs and symptoms.

All my symptoms can be explained and seem as something normal.

normal in what way? normal as in things that everyone experiences? how do you feel they can be explained other than as being signs of schizophrenia?

i understand you do not want to believe you have schizophrenia. i think anybody who is told they have schizophrenia by the experts is going to resist that diagnosis. we don't want to have these things be wrong with us. we don't want to be ill. we do not want to be different from everyone else. we want to be healthy and normal. i can completely understand and empathize with that because i know i would react the same way. having a diagnosis like this changes everything.

i imagine the voices and hallucinations would be frightening. it would be very difficult to cope with that.

as difficult as this is, you need to try and accept somewhat that this is what you have. full acceptance may take a long time but accept just enough for now so that you get help with the problem. work together with your doctors. they can help you control the disease and give you a better quality of life. work together with them too for acceptance of what has happened to you and to learn how to cope.