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Dasies and Bruises
Blog by Erin
Oct 2014
After writing my last post a few days ago, I cried a bit, fixed my hair, had a nap and then some dinner. Then I felt a lot better.
That post was all bruises. I need to write some daisies! Here are 30 things about me that have nothing to do with my depression, because as much as it feels like depression consumes my entire life, it isn’t all that I am.
1. I have four tattoos: a typewriter with flowers coming out of it; a birdcage with light bursting out of it like the bird just disappeared; an embroidered heart that says “found” in it; and Little Red Riding Hood with a wolf mask on top of her head. I want to eventually cover all my self-injury scars with tattoos.
2. I love lip balm. I probably put it on 50 times per day.
3. I sometimes wave at dogs and then realize that they don’t really know what I’m doing.
4. My favourite scent is the smell of campfire.
5. I love animals so much! My favourites, in no particular order: pugs, cats, lemurs, chameleons, sloths, alpacas, SQUIRRELS…I’m missing some here. Bats are cool. I’m scared of bears though. Sorry bears, but I don’t like you very much.
6. I unintentionally have a wardrobe full of graphic tees with dogs on them. Boston Terriers mostly, and pugs. I rarely buy clothing, but when I see a dog shirt that I like I must buy it. My favourite shirts have puff sleeves.
7. My favourite colour is teal.
8. I love making crafts. I collage, embroider, felt, colour, decoupage, and make buttons.
9. I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was eighteen.
10. I’m stubborn as hell about the things I believe in. Even with my “people pleaser” ways, I’ve always argued with anyone who puts rules on things like writing and art. I usually win too! Haha. Like, in Grade Six, when we had to write short stories, I refused to put my characters’ thoughts in quotations because I knew that most of my favourite books didn’t follow that rule. When I brought in proof, my teacher gave in and let me do what I want.
11. I love patterned stuff. I love Fossil purses and Kate Spade everything. I can rarely ever afford their stuff, though. Fossil has a have a whole collection named “Erin” this season!
12. My sister is my best friend. She’s three years younger than me. People always get us mixed up.
13. I love decorating everything I own, whether it’s my apartment walls or my laptop or just buying stickers to put everywhere.
14. Adventure Time is my favourite tv show. I have a massive collection of Jake the Dog things: posters, drinking glasses, stuffed animals, and hats (which I never wear but love to look at or put on my dogs).
15. Yes, I technically have two dogs. Digby lives with me and Milo is my family pug. The latter converted me to the world of dogs. Before we got him eight years ago, I was only a cat person. Imagine!
16. I’ve always wanted to write books. When I was a kid I decided I wanted to write and illustrate books, but then as a teenager I decided I wasn’t good enough at art to illustrate. Now I want to collage and write a book, though my biggest love is writing. I haven’t had the courage or attention span to write/collage a whole book yet, but I know I will someday. Hopefully soon.
17. I visit the library about once a week. I’ve thought about applying for a job there because I know London’s libraries like no one else, but I also just don’t trust myself to not get distracted there. In the library I go into scavenger mode; if I worked as an employee I’d probably get fired for reading on the job.
18. I love antiques that are kitschy, colourful, and literary. I have a lot of children’s primers from the past 60 years or so. Little girls in dresses are my favourite and I’ve used them on the covers of most of my Daisies and Bruises zines.
– BREAK: This is really fun! You should write about you, too. –
19. I talk in my sleep. Any time I have a sleepover or am in the hospital, friends and roommates tell me the most wild things that they heard me say in the night. Apparently I laugh in my sleep sometimes, too. CREEPY. Also, I dream in French sometimes.
20. I love quotes. I have a few notebooks filled with them and have a 180 page Word document of found quotes that I paste new quotes into a few times a week. Sometimes people ask me if I’ll send them the whole giant document, but it’s kind of a personal treasure. When I’m talking about things that I am passionate about, I often refer to quotes I have memorized.
21. I have a secret fascination with dolls. I don’t collect them or anything, but I really relate to the feeling of being a doll for others to mould and use and play with. I have a playlist of songs that refer to feeling like a doll. I really want an original Blythe doll.
22. Books are my favourite thing ever but I can’t afford to buy many unless they are used. I’d really like to buy more books and support authors by doing so. Whenever I feel depressed about making money or even caring about buying things in this world, I think, “Oh, but if I could afford books I’d be so much happier!”
23. I like skirts and dresses best on me, but I rarely wear them because I’m either too self-conscious or I can’t stand wearing tights. I have really long legs, so after a few hours of wearing tights with feet my toes start to hurt from being pulled at. LOL
24. I love ice cream. Today I had a pumpkin pie blizzard from Dairy Queen and it was heaven on earth.
25. I go to Starbucks way too often. If I can find a place to sit, I drink lattes and write in my journal.
26. I love squirrels though most people in my city hate them because they’re such tricksters who go through garbage. I just think they are hilarious and way smarter than we realize. One day they’ll take over the world. I also think I’d like to be a squirrel in my next life.
27. I’m really good with maps and directions. I never get lost unless I’m in a new exciting busy city. Geography has always made sense to me.
28. All of my grandparents died before I could get to know them and it makes me sad because I love talking to people I can learn from. Stories make my heart beat.
29. I need a lot of alone time to de-stress and recharge. My best friends are book characters.
30. I have secret messages to myself all over my apartment. Quotes and mental health tips and musings caught in window/glass crayons. My latest mirror writings say “My Life is Just as Important as Mary Karr’s” and “Action Works Better Than Thought.”
When I started writing this list, it was really difficult to think of things to say. I pushed myself to write 30 things though. Try writing a list like this for yourself. Save it some place special to read whenever you feel overwhelmed with pain. We all need to remind ourselves of who we are.
Blog by Erin
Oct 2014
After writing my last post a few days ago, I cried a bit, fixed my hair, had a nap and then some dinner. Then I felt a lot better.
That post was all bruises. I need to write some daisies! Here are 30 things about me that have nothing to do with my depression, because as much as it feels like depression consumes my entire life, it isn’t all that I am.
1. I have four tattoos: a typewriter with flowers coming out of it; a birdcage with light bursting out of it like the bird just disappeared; an embroidered heart that says “found” in it; and Little Red Riding Hood with a wolf mask on top of her head. I want to eventually cover all my self-injury scars with tattoos.
2. I love lip balm. I probably put it on 50 times per day.
3. I sometimes wave at dogs and then realize that they don’t really know what I’m doing.
4. My favourite scent is the smell of campfire.
5. I love animals so much! My favourites, in no particular order: pugs, cats, lemurs, chameleons, sloths, alpacas, SQUIRRELS…I’m missing some here. Bats are cool. I’m scared of bears though. Sorry bears, but I don’t like you very much.
6. I unintentionally have a wardrobe full of graphic tees with dogs on them. Boston Terriers mostly, and pugs. I rarely buy clothing, but when I see a dog shirt that I like I must buy it. My favourite shirts have puff sleeves.
7. My favourite colour is teal.
8. I love making crafts. I collage, embroider, felt, colour, decoupage, and make buttons.
9. I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was eighteen.
10. I’m stubborn as hell about the things I believe in. Even with my “people pleaser” ways, I’ve always argued with anyone who puts rules on things like writing and art. I usually win too! Haha. Like, in Grade Six, when we had to write short stories, I refused to put my characters’ thoughts in quotations because I knew that most of my favourite books didn’t follow that rule. When I brought in proof, my teacher gave in and let me do what I want.
11. I love patterned stuff. I love Fossil purses and Kate Spade everything. I can rarely ever afford their stuff, though. Fossil has a have a whole collection named “Erin” this season!
12. My sister is my best friend. She’s three years younger than me. People always get us mixed up.
13. I love decorating everything I own, whether it’s my apartment walls or my laptop or just buying stickers to put everywhere.
14. Adventure Time is my favourite tv show. I have a massive collection of Jake the Dog things: posters, drinking glasses, stuffed animals, and hats (which I never wear but love to look at or put on my dogs).
15. Yes, I technically have two dogs. Digby lives with me and Milo is my family pug. The latter converted me to the world of dogs. Before we got him eight years ago, I was only a cat person. Imagine!
16. I’ve always wanted to write books. When I was a kid I decided I wanted to write and illustrate books, but then as a teenager I decided I wasn’t good enough at art to illustrate. Now I want to collage and write a book, though my biggest love is writing. I haven’t had the courage or attention span to write/collage a whole book yet, but I know I will someday. Hopefully soon.
17. I visit the library about once a week. I’ve thought about applying for a job there because I know London’s libraries like no one else, but I also just don’t trust myself to not get distracted there. In the library I go into scavenger mode; if I worked as an employee I’d probably get fired for reading on the job.
18. I love antiques that are kitschy, colourful, and literary. I have a lot of children’s primers from the past 60 years or so. Little girls in dresses are my favourite and I’ve used them on the covers of most of my Daisies and Bruises zines.
– BREAK: This is really fun! You should write about you, too. –
19. I talk in my sleep. Any time I have a sleepover or am in the hospital, friends and roommates tell me the most wild things that they heard me say in the night. Apparently I laugh in my sleep sometimes, too. CREEPY. Also, I dream in French sometimes.
20. I love quotes. I have a few notebooks filled with them and have a 180 page Word document of found quotes that I paste new quotes into a few times a week. Sometimes people ask me if I’ll send them the whole giant document, but it’s kind of a personal treasure. When I’m talking about things that I am passionate about, I often refer to quotes I have memorized.
21. I have a secret fascination with dolls. I don’t collect them or anything, but I really relate to the feeling of being a doll for others to mould and use and play with. I have a playlist of songs that refer to feeling like a doll. I really want an original Blythe doll.
22. Books are my favourite thing ever but I can’t afford to buy many unless they are used. I’d really like to buy more books and support authors by doing so. Whenever I feel depressed about making money or even caring about buying things in this world, I think, “Oh, but if I could afford books I’d be so much happier!”
23. I like skirts and dresses best on me, but I rarely wear them because I’m either too self-conscious or I can’t stand wearing tights. I have really long legs, so after a few hours of wearing tights with feet my toes start to hurt from being pulled at. LOL
24. I love ice cream. Today I had a pumpkin pie blizzard from Dairy Queen and it was heaven on earth.
25. I go to Starbucks way too often. If I can find a place to sit, I drink lattes and write in my journal.
26. I love squirrels though most people in my city hate them because they’re such tricksters who go through garbage. I just think they are hilarious and way smarter than we realize. One day they’ll take over the world. I also think I’d like to be a squirrel in my next life.
27. I’m really good with maps and directions. I never get lost unless I’m in a new exciting busy city. Geography has always made sense to me.
28. All of my grandparents died before I could get to know them and it makes me sad because I love talking to people I can learn from. Stories make my heart beat.
29. I need a lot of alone time to de-stress and recharge. My best friends are book characters.
30. I have secret messages to myself all over my apartment. Quotes and mental health tips and musings caught in window/glass crayons. My latest mirror writings say “My Life is Just as Important as Mary Karr’s” and “Action Works Better Than Thought.”
When I started writing this list, it was really difficult to think of things to say. I pushed myself to write 30 things though. Try writing a list like this for yourself. Save it some place special to read whenever you feel overwhelmed with pain. We all need to remind ourselves of who we are.
