• Quote of the Day
    "For most people, transformation is slow. It happens without you realizing it."
    Marsha Linehan, posted by Daniel

ThatLady

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It's natural to meet resistance from that part of you that doesn't want to face the issues and deal with them, bbc. I think we've all experienced that feeling. While it's difficult to overcome, it's not impossible. You just have to keep reminding yourself of your ultimate goal - a happy, healthy you. This is one of the most important things you'll ever do, and the payoff is well worth the difficulties we face in getting there. :hug:
 
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nancy i suspect i know what it is.. but i'm not sure. fear of grief i think, of opening the floodgates? i've been trying to figure out what is really going on in my head but that is where i end up going in circles.

tl i know you're right. i just read a very interesting article on therapy resistence. i think my subconscience is really playing a number on me. it knows how to stop me. i know something will happen eventually. i just wish it would be sooner rather than later. i don't feel like i can force things. i tried before and it didn't work.
 
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stargazer i guess indeed at least i did finally get to the cbt. i was thinking i should have been able to get to it much sooner than i did. all this other stuff happened along the way and i feel like it shouldn't have. after all, there isn't really that much wrong with me :)

but you are right, crises have been dealt with, and i learned from those. so not all is lost.
 

Daniel

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There's always the "just do it" principle, also known as the "B" in CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). This is one way to get unstuck. With procrastination, for example, one can be stuck by feeling "I don't want to do this" and "I should/ought/have to do this." The only way out of that mess is to just do it, realizing that overthinking is a waste of brain power. In the long term, one can change one's outlook or even one's so-called personality by changing one's behavior/actions over time.
 

ThatLady

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There's always the "just do it" principle, also known as the "B" in CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). This is one way to get unstuck. With procrastination, for example, one can be stuck by feeling "I don't want to do this" and "I should/ought/have to do this." The only way out of that mess is to just do it, realizing that overthinking is a waste of brain power. In the long term, one can change one's outlook or even one's so-called personality by changing one's behavior/actions over time.

I agree, Daniel. However, I think that concept is more easily applied when one is a bit further along in therapy. Baseballcap has only been in therapy since March, and has only started to work with CBT in the past six weeks. It's going to take her a little time to get the hang of it; at least, it did for me. It was awhile before I learned to control my behaviors and stop analyzing everything I did before I did it. Now, I can recognize old patterns trying to reinvent themselves, and it's easier to nip them in the bud.
 
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tl so you analyzed everything? because this is what's driving me crazy too. i analyze everything, try to discover my motives, why do i do the things i do, why do i say the things i say? i feel like i am playing games somehow, i'm putting on some sort of show. i want it to stop, but if i don't know what's going on then how can i stop it?

am i even making any sense?

just do it.. yes. that may just be my way out of this mess. i need to build up some courage.
 

ThatLady

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tl so you analyzed everything? because this is what's driving me crazy too. i analyze everything, try to discover my motives, why do i do the things i do, why do i say the things i say? i feel like i am playing games somehow, i'm putting on some sort of show. i want it to stop, but if i don't know what's going on then how can i stop it?

am i even making any sense?

just do it.. yes. that may just be my way out of this mess. i need to build up some courage.

Oh, yes, bbc. I analyzed myself into a corner more than once! To me, you're making perfect sense, since I've been there myself. ;)

I don't think it's so much about playing games, as about trying to find new coping mechanisms and new ways of approaching problem solving. We tend to fall back on old habits; especially, early in therapy. After all, that's what we know how to do. We're just learning to do things another way, and it takes practice to get it right, and to do it consistently.

Yes, if you're procrastinating, the best way to stop is just to do whatever it is and get it over with. Sometimes, you'll be able to make yourself do this and the result will please you greatly. At other times, you may not be so successful. Yet, each success will make the next success easier to attain. Old habits begin to be replaced by the newly learned behaviors. It's a process, and it does take time to make it work for you the majority of the time. I say the majority of the time, because I don't think there's anybody alive who doesn't make mistakes, who doesn't sometimes procrastinate, or who doesn't make a bad decision now and then. :)
 

Daniel

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BTW, regarding thearpy resistance, it's so universal--who doesn't resist change now and then?--that it's almost funny:

"What do you mean? You're going to take away my suffering? That's what makes my life meaningful." (Robert Thurman)
 

stargazer

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Baseballcap, about being analytical, funny you should mention that. I also had therapy this morning & it came out that I am very analytical. The therapist asked at the end if I'd thought the session was helpful, and I said: "Yes--it gave me a lot to think about."

She said: "That's good, but don't over-analyze it."
 
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tl: i am so glad to hear you say it's not playing games but a coping mechanism. i hadn't realized that. i don't feel so badly now.

daniel: i hadn't heard that one before but is it ever true!

sg: interesting she said that. maybe i have been overthinking things. of course i've done this since forever so that'll be hard to change as well :)
 
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i had another session today and it went well. i actually had a good opportunity to bring something up that has been on my mind for a very long time. instead of letting the moment slip away i actually said something and we had a very good discussion. it was funny, i wasn't even afraid at that point. i just did it. maybe this worked because today i walked in there with no expectations of myself. i just went in to wait and see what would happen. when i saw the opportunity i seized it. i didn't go in with this huge pressure on myself that i had to say certain things. i somehow felt more like myself there today. no longer hiding parts of myself. at the end he said i did good work this past week. i really worked at things. it was good to hear.

in the end i did leave feeling very sad but i think i may finally be starting my first step towards letting go of things, to healing. there seems to be a feeling of calm as well for a change. acceptance maybe?

thank you all for your input in this thread, it was very valuable and helped me do what i did today.
 

ThatLady

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Great work, bbc! You should give yourself a good, solid pat on the back!

I found it not unusual to leave therapy feeling a bit sad; especially, when very important or intense subject matter had been covered. As I worked through what had happened, the sadness eased and was replaced by a feeling of accomplishment and better understanding. I really believe this is what you'll find happening for you. :hug:
 

Halo

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BBC

I am so happy that you had a good session today and I know the feeling of sometimes leaving more sad than when walked in but I always look at it as growth. I am so proud of you for seizing the opportunity to talk about whatever you wanted to and not letting that moment slip away. I know how hard it can be to talk and how easy it is to let things go without saying a word and if you are anything like me then you beat yourself up about it afterwards. But you didn't do it, you took the opportunity to be yourself and talk openly and honestly and that is something that you should be really proud of yourself for.....I am proud of you.

Good Job :goodjob: Keep it up!! :D
Take care
:hug:
 

stargazer

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That's great that it went so well for you, baseballcap. Myself, I've had the experience of sometimes feeling sad leaving therapy or even just after getting in touch with my feelings. I think it might, as you suggest, be the beginnings of acceptance, of letting go. In my case, I think I blocked out these sad feelings with various diversions and projects which, while they were not without value in and of themselves, were no replacement for reality. When the focus on the projects had ended, the reality was still there. Or, the reality I was avoiding became unavoidable, thus ending the escape into the diversions.

However, I think it's much better to face the feelings and the realities, so as to learn how to deal with them, and ultimately become healthier. It sounds like you're on the way toward that goal, and you should be proud of yourself.
 
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That sounds really great, baseballcap. :) :) I'm glad you were able to bring up what was bothering you.
 

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Good for you! It can be very difficult, so give yourself a pat on the back.
 

Nadyes

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There is a term called the talking cure which is used in clinical psychology. It is meant to describe a phenomenon absorbed where patients solve their problems just by talking about them with the counselor or advisor. The key is not weather they're talking about it with a counselor or somebody else, the critical principle here is that they are talking about it with someone who's there for them and willing to listen.

The talking cure is really not just a clinical psychology phenomenon, it really works any where else in life. We solve out problems with those who are willing to listen. More specifically, it is by talking to those who are there and lending an open ear and being nice and receptive to us, by opening up with them and sharing on our day to day tasks, what's troubling us, in effect being open with those who are open with us, that we get our problems solved.

We can all talk about our problems because we know how to perceive them. If we did not perceive them, it wouldn't be a problem, By definition, by having a problem, we automatically have something that we are good at talking about. But it's not that straight forward just yet. The difference if how we talk about your problems and who we talk about them with makes the difference between being perceived as complaining and opening up or being sympathetic.

Complaining is when we are talking about our problems and talking about the troubles we have with people who are not interested in hearing about our problems, that is bad. Being sympathetic is when we do the same thing, just as well talk about our problems and troubles we have, but with a twist. This do it with the people who are interested in us and are open and kind to what we have to say. So really, being annoying and disruptive or being sympathetic and warm and open are all the same things, the only difference is with who we talk about our problems with and how we talk about them with other person.
 

David Baxter

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Those are interesting points, Nadyes.

To add to what you've said, I think talking about what is troubling you to another person also often helps to clarify what you are thinking and feeling to yourself, and thus what underlies the issues you are trying to figure out.
 

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