The Key to Recovering from a Narcissist

[David Baxter PhD]

The Key to Recovering from a Narcissist
by Lisa E. Scott
January 19, 2012

The key to recovering from a narcissist is to find ourselves again. We must start having some self-compassion for ourselves for a change. We have an abundance of compassion for others, which is why the narcissist targeted us, but we never share any of it with ourselves!

We can be overly giving of ourselves to a fault. The narcissist knows this, which is why he/she chose us in the first place. Narcissists have an insatiable need to have someone cater to their needs at all times. Therefore, they target those they know have an overwhelming amount of empathy. They feed off of this type of person.

In order to recover, it is important that we understand we are "Empaths" or what is also known as a "Highly Sensitive Person." We are NOT "Codependents" NOR are we needy!!!!

I have written about this before. Here's a link to an earlier blog: Why the Narcissist Chooses Us | Lisa E. Scott

We have a gift and we should not share it with anyone who does not deserve it! During an interview for a class project in college, my childhood friend was asked to describe me in one word. Without hesitating, she said "SENSITIVE." Every time I take a personality test, my greatest strength is empathy. I know all of us are here because we have this unique trait in common.

We have an overpowering sense of conscientiousness along with an undeniable urge to help others. The narcissist knows this and preys on us for this reason.

We must accept that we have completely lost ourselves in the narcissist. We did not realize it while it was happening, but trust me, the narcissist planned on this all along. When we lose ourseves, we are more dependent on the narcissist for validation and that's exactly what he/she counted on. They want us to remain stuck. We must deprogram from the narcissist, which is why No Contact is so important.

I know how hard it is to face the truth about a relationship we once thought was everything we ever wanted and more. It is not easy to accept our soul mate is not at all who we thought in any way, shape or form. I divorced a man I was still very much in love with and pleaded with me not to leave him.

However, the only way to true healing is to break free from the emotional abuse of the narcissist, process your pain and find yourself again. You can do this. We can do this. Together, we can help each other find the Path Forward.

 

[Thehurtstopshere]

THANKS for this article, its very interesting to me and also a little challenging. I am trying to grasp the idea that the Narcissist knows what they are doing. I guess in my mind its hard to understand the motivation and I guess I was magically thinking they didnt realize or werent able to see what they were doing..its just so foreign to my brain that anyone would knowingly hurt or use another...its something for me to think about anyway. Thanks for this post!

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

I was in that place, too THSH... Boggles the mind.

EDIT: Another hopefully helpful link -- 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

EDIT #2: and of course -- 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

 

[Thehurtstopshere]

I bookmarked those articles, by title alone I can tell you I need them. I go home in the morning and then cn use my real size computer and read them, on mobile so I am limited. I think the absolute hardest thing to stop doing (for me) is being self destructive. I no longer outright ''hurt'' myself, but Its like as soon as I feel emotional pain of any sort I dont know how to just feel it and move through, I am learning to but I jump straight to hating myself (not so clearly so at the time) but I seem at times to be my own worst enemy. my goal is to be good and sweet to myself. Thanks again, just you being so caring has truly helped me in this tough time being alone with all this time to think. Also looking forward to that group.

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Cool beans!

You certainly aren't alone, so that must be a nice feeling. 8)

See you laters...

 

[Thehurtstopshere]

So true that being alone and time alone are very different. I was just reading your response to the other post and got a lot out of it..going to ponder it over night and respond later. talk soon . Was thinking the one and only time I went to Canada I came back on the absolute last day you could travel across without a passport..and it was funny when I drove over as being from U.K. it was a really silly mistake..but I was saying, wow..you can drive 80 miles an hour and gas is only 98 cent a gallon! I love Canada..hee hee it was KM and quarts ...but it was fun and I loved this tea called King tut? in cool gauze bags? LOL , funny what sticks with us!