The Loneliness of Crowds

[David Baxter PhD]

Loneliness of Crowds
by Jane Chin
January 23, 2011

Here?s an interesting question: ?What can cause a person to feel more alone in a room full of people than when they are actually alone??

My personal experience is that this is primarily due to the self-perception that one has little or nothing in common with any other person in the room, which leads to a feeling of isolation, and can be overcome only when one creates a ?substantive? (this is a subjective measure) connection with another person.

The larger the # of people in the room, the more the person has to:

1. tone down that ?signal to noise? ratio of not immediately feeling overwhelmed by the # of people in the room,
2. identify a particular person out of many people to approach,
3. approach that person while overcoming the concern of potential rejection,
4. establishing an initial connection (i.e. the other person shows willingness to engage rather than turning away), and
5. engage.

When you consider the sheer # of steps to take in order to even begin to engage, it is no wonder that the task appears Herculean and it?s all the easier to isolate oneself whether literally (hiding in the corner) or figuratively (putting up an invisible guard or wall, such as frowning or having a closed body language).

Now that I think about it, I?m amazed that I haven?t become even more of an introvert

P.S. The good thing about self-perception is that I?m in control of my self perception, and therefore, I can change/do something about it if I want to.

 

[Davekyn]

Generally speaking I'm not a people kind of guy and this is not because I don't believe in myself or feel I am inferior, or some other text book label others may wish to subject me too because I don't like to mingle among the masses.

I simply like my space. Despite working on my self esteem and building up a lot of confidences, I still don't like being out in the crowds. In such situations, I choose to happily remain at within my own space without a frown or defensive stance. I simply look watch and wonder. Yes at times I feel lonely in crowds, but not always.

As a homeless man living in such situations, one can find solitude in such a large crowds. I guess its all relative to circumstances, but generally speaking I see more despair coming from those within the crowed who would otherwise act as if they are on top of it all.

Of course I am sure someone will read me and my perception as somewhat twisted, but as long as I'm still breathing easy, am enjoying my magazine and whatever else it is I'm doing in that crowed, I could not really care less how such situation are suppose to have me feel. Life is too short...I just need my arms length, a few nods with some niceties and I'll be on my way.