More threads by Cat Dancer

I've had people tell me this in regards to stuff in my life and I do know it's true, basically I should just get over it, but how do you get rid of or deal with the painful memories?

How do you stop going back there and being hurt all over again in your mind?

(I wasn't sure where to put this.)
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
You don't "get over it" until you deal with the feelings and thoughts the memory evokes.

Think of it as grief: You can stuff the feelings down, bottle them up, distract yourself, compartmentalize the memories... they remain there, either until something else happens in your life to release them, or leaking out a bit at a time in the form of anger or anxiety or something else, or in physical forms (illness, ulces, headaches, etc.)... The feelings and thoughts wait for you to come back and address them, "work through" them.
 
janetr said:
but how do you get rid of or deal with the painful memories?

Honestly? In my experience, you don't "get over" these things. They're not like illnesses. You do need to talk, to work things through, maybe see a spiritual leader, a counselor or a chaplain or whatever, all the stuff David said, but remember that *every single day* you get up and go on living, you've learnt to live with it a little bit more. It'll take time, but one day you'll look back and realise you didn't think about it once today, or once this week, and eventually it'll just be another part of your history. It won't go away, but you'll get stronger and you will learn to live despite it. If I can, then you can too. *hugs*
 

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