The saga continues...sorta

[Chain Lightning]

Gosh, its been like 7 months now since I posted about breaking up with my ex-b/f. How do I end this? - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

Now when I read what I said I can really how I was so worried about how he was going to react. If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself, the hell with with that, get out of that relationship and take care of yourself! After trying for months to be friends I came to the conclusion that it was a very naive idea. Why on earth would you go from a bad relationship to being friends with somebody who has issues with respecting you? I did, but I learned.

We're not seeing each other at all. But there is a kind of a problem. I need to get my stuff from him, important stuff like my bass guitar. I sent him an email recently about that. Then he called me this evening angrily demanding I be friends with him. I explained to him for the 1000th time that I can't be friends with him because he doesn't respect me and still hasn't after 7 months, moved on. Of course that got me no-where, he says "so that's it, you just want to throw me away...you know I HAVE been seeing somebody...I don't care anymore, but I can't help it if I still love you."

I told him no I just want my stuff and he hung up on me...only to call back 30 seconds later...3 times but I didn't answer. I have already gotten 2 email since that conversation (2 hours ago). He was desperately begging and pleading with me to please be his friend, blah blah. So, what should I do, I have run out of things to say...I just want my stuff and to be done with it.

Other than that, I have been doing great, especially since I stopped talking to him all together. Without all of that unnecessary stress, I feel motivated to do things for myself. I started jogging with my dog, going out just having fun, relaxing, meeting guys (none I like yet)...etc. I have learned so much about myself I didn't know since ending that relationship. I feel self confident, motivated and secure!

 

[Mari]

H! Chain Lightning, I think that you should be able to get your stuff but if it was me I would worry about the anger he is expressing - demanding that you be friends? Is there someone who can go with you to pick up your stuff? :goodluck: Mari

 

[Sparrow]

Hello Chained Lightning,

I do not know you very well, but I agree with Mari. Definitely get someone to go with you for support. Domestic "disputes" are very common. Do not become a statistic.
Love your avatar.

 

[Chain Lightning]

I guess I could just take him:

hehehe

More than likely he'll just harass me verbally the whole time I am getting my stuff. I've never felt physically threatened by him ever...just emotionally. He'll probably be a pain in the @$$ the entire time...I can always call the cops I guess.

With people like him, I don't always know what to say...his reaction is always to try and turn stuff around on me. I tell him how I feel about being treated like that but he ignores everything I said and says "so you just want to throw me away, you won't even be my friend?" Normal people don't do this, what is the best thing to say when he does that?

 

[Jazzey]

Having been through a very similar experience CL, I would agree with what was said above with one deviant- I don't think you should be going there at all!!

Even when you think you know someone, you can't always predict their reactions. There's nothing good in his reactions to you so far. I would ask a couple of friends to get your stuff, ask the police to get it, or just let the stuff go...and cease any further communications, block the ex from your email. Although your protector is gorgeous!

 

[Chain Lightning]

I would let the stuff go but my Rickenbacker bass is beloved to me, and expensive. I'll just have my dad (250lb ex-cop) go with me. He'll be less inclined to verbally harass me that way.

As for my furry protector, thanks for the compliment. He has been "proven" BTW, well almost...he didn't have to bite but would have if I let him. I was approached by some thugs one night, they decided not to bother me when his teeth snapped shut a few inches from this guys FACE. I love my doggie.

 

[Sparrow]

Woof!

 

[Jazzey]

..Love the idea of your Dad going with you - anything to be safer. And I can appreciate you're wanting the Rickenbacker back! Sorry - I didn't mean to sound as if I were scolding you. I reacted out of instinct to the potential for harm. The last time I decided to be 'polite' in this context, I was stalked and threatened for 2 years and really didn't know how far he was going to be willing to go....

As for your protector, all I want to do is jump into the screen and give him lots of love! :inlove:

Good luck with getting your stuff back and stay safe!

 

[Chain Lightning]

Its all good Jazzey, I knew you weren't scolding me. That's scary about the stalking BTW...yikes...and for 2 years...

My brindle (doesn't show up in the pic) body guard, normally he is completely neutral to strangers. He never warmed to my ex...wasn't aggressive but just never got friendly either...like never ran up to greet him really. He just kind of sniffed his legs and feet then walked off. With my other friends and family, he wags his tail a little and expects them to pat his head for a second, then ignores them.

Woof!

 

[Jazzey]

Well CL...You know what they say about animals and young children - they're the only ones to have impeccable instincts on humans! They know who to like/ dislike. Children because they haven't yet been "transformed" into all that we are told when young (you have to: be polite, be nice to everyone, give people the benefit of the doubt...etc...) and animals because they're intelligent enough to follow their (no pun intended) "animal instincts"!

As for the stalker dude - yes. Very scary. He would park his car on the street below my apartment and call my home. When I didn't answer the phone, he'd leave a message saying that he could see the lights were one, my car was in the drive and I'd better pick up the phone - blah, blah. He also said that he just wanted to be my friend, that he could believe I was throwing him away etc. (sound familiar? ) And it didn't start off that way - it started out the way that you described your r/ship with your ex. Having said that, I don't know your ex and we shouldn't paint people with the same brush....Or, should we just go with what protector was trying to tell you??! :funny::bonk::funny:

BTW - I only got rid of my stalker when I changed provinces....That's when my email, phone and address changed. Although, he's come to my city on a few occasions and, has tried (unsuccessfully - whew!) to "look me up".

 

[Chain Lightning]

Wow that DOES sound familiar. We should name the condition after them. We are seriously deserving a to meet really wonderful guy right now...esp after all of that right?

I think my dog is very intuitive. Maybe when I start dating a guy, after a few dates I'll let him meet my dog and see how that goes j/k

 

[Jazzey]

Hey - I would go with following your dog's instincts! I listened to mine's instincts all the time. When I'm walking him (a little mix - terrier and poodle who looks more like a big terrier - He looks like Walt Disney's the "lady and the tramp" - he's the tramp ) if he doesn't feel comfortable going in an area - we get out of the area.

I have a brother who's a teacher (young children). When he starts dating a new woman, he always finds a way to bring her to his classroom when the kids are there. If the kids don't like her, he takes this into account. It doesn't meant that he dumps her but, he finds their instincts interesting.

And yes, a great guy would be nice right/'bout now. And, bonus, when we find the nice guys, we'll forget all about the crazies!

 

[Chain Lightning]

That's cool about your brother and the kids.

Terrier poodle mixes are great aren't they? I do like the looks of them and the temperaments...spirited yet classy LOL Especially in a cute teddy bear/puppy trim.

As for crazies, I'm not missing my ex because the emotion overrides the physical attraction...he's really good looking but I can't even acknowledge that anymore, you know?

 

[Jazzey]

"As for crazies, I'm not missing my ex because the emotion overrides the physical attraction...he's really good looking but I can't even acknowledge that anymore, you know?"

...Yes, completely understand. It's not the physical being of a person that makes them attractive. It's the heart that peers through the person. I've known people who, while being stunning physically, are repulsive because of their behaviors and their temperaments.

And yes, my "bear" is completely cuddly. Now I just have to convince him that he's not actually a lap dog!

 

[Chain Lightning]

I replied to his email and asked him how he thought it was unfair for me to not see him anymore and how not seeing him was throwing him away...of course he didn't answer those questions but obviously has thought about it. "I was your friend for 7 months and if you don't want me as a friend then fine whatever it would be nice if you would talk to me and be my friend." I haven't replied yet but wanna just say "great, so when can I get my stuff" but I'll be nice.

 

[Jazzey]

lol - That's the dilemma you're in - you want your stuff back but, in order to do that you have to be nice just a little longer. Having said that, as soon as you get your stuff back, I'd back away from him! As my brother often says to me - "stop picking the broken sparrows, next time leave them by the side of the road"....hmmm, he may have a point!

 

[Sparrow]

Hi there Jazzey and Chained Lightning,

Sorry for being a guy but ahh, the more people I meet the more I like animals. Dogs can have pretty accurate instincts that I trust very much.
But then again, there are crazy dogs too and that's my exit.

Keep the faith CL... and the frowns upside down.

 

[Jazzey]

:wink:..must agree with you there Sparrow!

 

[Chain Lightning]

I'm still dreading contacting him.

 

[Jazzey]

I know CL - just think of how good you'll feel when it's done!