The School Psychologist Mess

[AlisonWasteland]

I'm really not used to asking for advice or help, but I think I could use a little. I'm 16 and I'm in the eleventh grade. For the past little while my teachers/guidance counselor have been asking me if I'm okay or if I need to talk, etc.. I've always said, I'm fine, I don't need to talk, even if that wasn't really what I was thinking. It's sort of an automatic response. I don't like asking for help or admitting I'm not okay, or talking about my emotions. Atleast this is a little different. Anyways, last tuesday, they sprung the school psychologist on me (She comes in once a week). So I sat with her and we talked for a bit, and I guess she was easier to talk to. She convinced me to come see her again next week, and maybe continue to.
The only problem with that is that I have to get this blue form signed by my dad giving me permission. I do not want to have to explain to him why they want me to see a psychologist and I dont want him to worry. He thinks my life is sunshine-ville (but it's not my life that's the problem, really; it's me) and that if I ever had a problem I'd come to him first (I haven't come to him with a serious problem since I was maybe ten- and this isn't really one nice clean problem that's easy to understand and deal with). I don't really know how to bring it up or what to say, etc..
Also, when I told my friends (I don't have many, 2 good ones and a few aquantinces. But I tend to respect them because they aren't stupid following sheep like most of my peers) they said that it's rediculous and just because I'm "eccentric" and "moody" doesn't mean the teachers need to force me to see a psycologist. They also said even if I do have "problems" a psycologist would only make it worse (that's coming from the kid with a lot of experience). I don't even tell my friends about my feelings or real problems. They assume I do. I'm just afraid that if they know I'm going by my own will they'll think I'm stupid or weak or want attention or something. I've never been one to care too much about what others think of me, but I do value the respect of my best friends.
I don't really know how I should go about dealing with this messy business. I know I'm asking a biased crowd here in terms of my decision to see the psychologist, but just how I should handle my dad and my friends, etc., that's really what I'd like some advice about.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The only problem with that is that I have to get this blue form signed by my dad giving me permission. I do not want to have to explain to him why they want me to see a psychologist and I dont want him to worry.

You could tell him that you're finding it difficult to deal with boredom and stress and stay motivated at school and the school psychologist is going to give you some pointers... or something along those lines.

They also said even if I do have "problems" a psychologist would only make it worse (that's coming from the kid with a lot of experience).

How could a psychologist make things worse?

I don't even tell my friends about my feelings or real problems. They assume I do.

So how are they in a position to judge whether this would help or not help you?

I'm just afraid that if they know I'm going by my own will they'll think I'm stupid or weak or want attention or something. I've never been one to care too much about what others think of me, but I do value the respect of my best friends.

You can tell them nothing or that you're talking about how to cope with stress and boredom more effectively.

 

[ThatLady]

It's not unusual for girls your age to have things to discuss that are much easier to discuss woman-to-woman. Since the school psychologist is a woman, it would seem like a really good reason to ask your dad for permission to see her. Tell him it's "girly" stuff and you really need to talk to a woman about it. That way, he won't have reason to be overly concerned, nor will he feel you're leaving him out of your life.

As for your friends, if they'd judge you for a decision you make (whether to see the psychologist, or not), they aren't friends, at all. Friends don't judge one another. Another thing you really need to think about when friends offer advice...they're not that much older than you are, if at all, so haven't had much more experience with the world than you have. They're not likely to know all there is to know about anything, hon. Anyone who says a psychologist will "only make things worse" obviously has little grasp of what he/she is talking about.

 

[kelsischanging]

Hey, I'm 18 and a senior in high school and have been seeing a psychologist pretty much all of high school and i can let you in on some things I've learned.
1) it's really none of your friend's business what you are seeing a psychologist for or even that you are seeing a psychologist...I know they're your friends but if they can't support the decision for you to talk to someone then do they really want the best for you...
2) b/c you see someone to talk things through definitly does not make you a weak person...actually I believe you are stronger by taking the step to talk to someone b/c you are smart enough to say "hey, things aren't going right here and I need some help to work through things." think of it like this, if you had a broken arm you wouldn't say ok I don't need to see a doctor I'll just act like everything's ok and hopefully no one will notice..of course you would go to a doctor and he/she would help you...this is the same thing only a different type of doctor...just like a medical doctor is extremely knowledgable in fixing broken arms a psychologist is an expert in helping people w/ thoughts and emotions and stuff like that...
Finally, it sounds like you connected w/ this person and were able to talk to them...I find it extremely helpful to talk to my therapist b/c he is a third party who is not emotionally involved in the same way that my friends and family are...he is able to be more objective and non-judgemental...
good luck w/ everything...I hope you are able to continue to work w/ you school psychologist or work w/ someone else who can help you...if you need to talk send me a private message...I really do get what you're going through!
kelsey

 

[Eunoia]

having a parent expect you to come to them with every little problem and confiding in them and asking for their advice is great in theory... but not realistic. I don't know anyone who is 100% honest with their parents about everything that is going on in their lives... which has to be expected, I'm sure even you don't know everything about your parents, right? as Kels pointed out, a counsellor is just someone who can give you an objective opinion and ear to listen to. you don't have to worry about hurting the person's feelings or worrying about how them knowing will affect you every day in your personal relationships. David has used the words "bouncing ideas off of that person" which makes a lot of sense.... it doesn't make you weak, it doesn't make you "stupid" or anything else along those lines. you're still you, only stronger b/c you've gained some insight into your problems. A therapist doesn't make things worse... I think someone (espec. in h/s) might say that b/c in therapy you can be confronted w/ things you don't want to deal w/ and then there's the obvious worry about your parents finding out every little detail etc... but you will never be forced to do anything in therapy and whatever you say is bound by confidentiality (at least to a certain extent).

If this really does come down to just being "eccentric" then why would you even give this a 2nd thought? then why do you have that voice in the back of your mind telling you that it's not okay? the thing is, if you're friends don't know (you said you don't tell them everything) then how could they possibly judge whether you should go see this councellor or not??? they don't have enough information to make this decision, unknown to them though. but even if, they shouldn't say things like a therapist will make it worse etc... friends are a great support but there's some things even they aren't the best people to give advice on...

 

[comfortzone]

Hi Alison,

Respect yourself and others will learn how to treat you just the same. I hope you continue to seek out help and find whatever answers you can via therapy. Therapists are people too but with the ability to explore objectively where others may not. Best wishes,

 

[AlisonWasteland]

Thanks for all of you who responded.
I guess I'll just pull out the stupid form, tell my dad im just going to discuss school productivity and stress issues and tell my friends I have to go because my dad's making me or nothing at all. And I'll tell the psyhcologist the truth. As easy as that sounds, it's going to be kind of hard, though. Especially telling my dad, because I always do realitively good in school, (even though I don't do much work, the quality of it when I do do it is usually very good. that and I'm just lucky. although recently it's been increasingly difficult to even accomplish some of my work) and he thinks I'm a very capable, bright person who would never need "help" of that sort. But I'm going to do this anyway because I think I can finally admit that I am not capable of handling this on my own anymore and I could benefit from talking to her.
I just hope my mind/mood doesn't change drastically before I go through with all of this.
Ugh, I'm making such a big deal out of nothing compared to other people's problems.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Good for you, Alison. And the idea of using your dad as the reason when friends ask questions is a good one. I used to say that to my sons in similar situations - "No reason for you to be embarassed... just tell them you have this crazy old worry-wart control-freak father who's still living in the 17th century.. then roll your eyes and carry on with your life. I'm sure they've all felt that way about their parents once or twice."

I'm making such a big deal out of nothing compared to other people's problems.

Not at all. There really is no good way to "rank" your problems compared to other people's problems... and no real point in trying to do that. The problem facing you today is what a therapist once called "the landscape of your life" at the moment - it's what you're dealing with now and for now it's the most important thing yopu have to deal with. What other people are dealing with is irrelevant.

 

[Eunoia]

the other thing about seeing a school psychologist is that everyone knows that because this is in a school setting, they do deal with a variety of issues and are expected to have a grisp about a variety of areas affecting students, teachers, etc. So yes, some people may go for the reasons you want to go, but many other students go to talk about career options or which classes to take, or just about every day stressors... you could even say you're going with a friend or to discuss issues a friend of yours is having. or you could say that at this point in the year the school psychologist likes to "touch base" with all students (in your grade) to make sure that they don't have any questions etc... or that she would like some feedback on your school and problems facing youth and you were picked/ or volunteered to do so... they're not lies, they're an extension of the truth.

you are not making a big deal out of nothing. These are the things you're faced with and trying to deal with and no one else can do that for you... someone else's problem has nothing to do with yours, if they were 'worse off' you'd still have these things and even if they were 'better off' this would still be your life. everyone is equally desering of help.

 

[kelsischanging]

Hey Allison, I use my parents as an excuse all the time...like if I don't want to do something or go somewhere or if I am doing something like therapy, I often just say my mom is making me do it...I know my mom always tells me that I can use her as an excuse so I think that if your friends push you it would be a good idea to use your dad as an excuse...hey what else are we going to use our parents for