• Quote of the Day
    "In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived,
    and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
    The Buddha, posted by David Baxter

texasgirl

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I went to my doctor tonight and he still thinks it best for me to wait to go back to work. I am better with the meds but at the same time can't concentrate and still have other problems. I am so frustrated because I am afraid that I am not ever going back to work. And I feel like such a loser, can't cope, can't handle it, all the labels...

but what's worse to me is that the longer I'm out the more scared I am to go back, that I will be overwhelmed and regress back to where I was. I am lonely since most of what I do now is just mundane, but I can't really think straight a lot of the time so rest is helpful I guess.

This isn't the longest I have been on disability but it is getting there....

TG
 

David Baxter

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You have to be patient with yourself, TG. As my nurse keeps telling me, your job right now is to heal. Period.

When you are ready to return, you'll return.

Talk to your doctors when the time comes about a gradual return to work schedule so you're not jumping right back into the fire. And then get them to help you with balance and boundary setting so it doesn't become unmanageable again.

As I am learning, sometimes these things are nature's way of saying, "You're doing it wrong. You need to find a better balance between work and the rest of your life".
 

texasgirl

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I think you are right, David. And I know it but I forget it until I try to do something even "little" compared to what I used to do on the job, and I can't even focus on the little things. I know I am not ready and would likely get fired if I went back. I have a lot of people who report to me and who would be very upset if I were not up to my job as their supervisor. But you are also right about learning to do it a different way. I think a lot of my breakdown had to do with my not being able to deal with my old abusive boss. Now I have a good one, but still couldn't handle the job. Maybe I need to reconsider whether a high stress job is possible for me, given my history and my propensity for psychotic depression. The drugs, thank heavens, do work but they take so long. Lamictal is new for me and the doctor hopes that combined with the other meds that it will help me to be more stable.

And I really and truly hope that your upcoming surgery goes well and that you are back to what keeps you going and happy. Thank you for your advice and I will take it for sure.

TG

TG
 

David Baxter

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Thanks, TG. I'm still learning those lessons myself. We'll wish each other good luck along the way. :)
 

texasgirl

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Daniel, you are right. I really do need to exercise and will try. Thank you.

TG
 

texasgirl

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I am going to my doctor tomorrow and I hope that he will let me go back to work next week. I am feeling better although I am not 100%. I am scared that if I keep going on like this I will never be able to work again and I am forgetting everything. I don't know what to say to him except that I would like to give it a try. What do yall think?

TG
 

David Baxter

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If you do, I'd strongly advise you to go back part time only - maybe 2 half-days or 2 days per week maximum - and then build up gradually from there.
 

texasgirl

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I will talk to him about doing it that way, David. I think he would be more amenable to gradually returning anyway. Thank you for your help. I will let yall know what he says....

TG
 

HA

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TG, I am wondering if your thoughts about considering a less stressful job would be an avenue for you to explore.

I recall a workshop I attended that my employer provided for staff on stress management due to downsizing. One of the options was to consider moving laterally. Sometimes a change happens in our employment that is out of our control (especially nowadays) so thinking about how to go about getting work satisfaction while considering your career moves, does not always mean moving up or staying where we are currently at.

The article below points out all of the possibilities and opportunities that are available to us.

Career Growth and Advancement: Up is Not the Only Way

To help with your loneliness, can you meet with your coworkers who are friends for social times right now?
 

texasgirl

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Heartart,

I changed jobs within the company I work for about 9 months ago because of the stress of a boss that I had and the work. I took a lateral position but I think that you are right in that I need to consider a less stressful job. We are moving to Texas very soon so that is also on my mind. Thank you for the link too. I have a hard time talking to people for very long so I am going to have to take it slowly like David said. I am not really up to going anywhere with friends because I get confused when I talk for very long. Thank you for your support Heartart, and I will think about everything.

Tg
 

HA

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TG,

The examples for the different career moves are just examples to be applied to your specific situation. Maybe one of the areas may work for you. For instance the example about consulting talks about a person working full-time then doing consulting on the weekends or evenings. Of course this is not going to work for your situation but maybe consulting might be an avenue that would work for you on a part-time basis with flexibility to increase and decrease your work load as you want to.

So, looking at the possibilities and knowing that there is more than one way to work and adapting those ways to fit your needs may open up possibilities so that you don't have a relapse because of your job and you get more job satisfaction.

Have short quick visits with friends and tell them that you can't talk long or much. Would that help?
 

texasgirl

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I thought about consulting and at some point maybe I can but I need the insurance benefits from the company for me and my husband right now. I am not allowed to drive yet but when I can I will visit with my friends (I have one friend right now). I can talk on the phone and that's what I do for short times right now. Thank you for your help Heartart :heart:

TG
 

HA

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Someone else, I think it was LadyLore, mentioned going to a coffee shop or somewhere where there are people can be helpful in decreasing feelings of loneliness.

Of course, you always have us for your virtual friends when you get too lonely.

:heart::grouphug::heart:
 

Halo

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Texasgirl,

I just wanted to say that I think that you are doing great and that I think you are taking a big step by trying to return to work :) I do think like David in that maybe doing a gradual return to work or part time would be good in order to assess how that is going to be but again I do think that you are making great progress with even attempting to return and you should be really proud of yourself :clap:

Take care and good luck at the doctors today :heart::heart:
:hug: :hug:
 

texasgirl

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Thanks yall very much. I will let you know what he says. I am nervous about going back but have to get on the horse again :)

I wish I didn't have such a fuzzy head. Maybe it will clear up over time.

:friends:

TG

Does anybody know what flight of ideas and derailment mean? My doctor had this and other things under his observations on my disability papers and I don't know what it means.

TG
 
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HA

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Does anybody know what flight of ideas and derailment mean? My doctor had this and other things under his observations on my disability papers and I don't know what it means.

TG

From BehaveNet Clinical Capsule:

Flight of ideas: Like derailment, this form of disordered thought suggests leaps from idea to unrelated idea, but perhaps with greater number and rapidity.
 
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ladylore

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Hey TG,

I agree with all the others - you are doing great. When I was reading your posts it reminded me of my experience when I moved out to BC. I was burned out from the social service jobs so I took on a tele-fundraising job for a year and a half. I thought it would be a low stress job as it was only talking to people on the phone and basically reading a script.

Problem was it below my intellectual capabilities - I was bored silly within 6 months, no room for promotion and taking orders from people younger then me with no experience in the social service industry - the exact type of companies that hired us to fundraise. I became more depressed, addictions went sky high...on and on it went until I really couldn't take one more minute of that job.

So I guess what I am saying to you TG is that its a good thing to take the time to see what type of work will fit into your life now. The work you do really needs to fit into your lifestyle. Not the other way around.

The ironic thing of my experience is that I found out this year is that many HSP go the exact same route I took, in efforts to control their sensitivities and triggers. It did the exact opposite.

Anyways, if any of this helps - cool. And if it doesn't, thats ok too.

Take care

Ladylore:hug:
 

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