Thought I Could Go Back to Work

[texasgirl]

Thanks LadyLore,

And it does help for sure. I used to be in Social Service and had a nervous breakdown then too. I changed jobs and have had a long history of hospitalizations and ups and downs but keep trying to get back on the horse. When we move to Texas I will most likely look for another job so that I don't have to travel all the time. I don't do well living out of a hotel.

My niece jumped out of the car to commit suicide one year ago today. She was just here visiting and I think it was hard since she almost died and she has a lot of problems. But she is doing better too.

Thanks yall for your help. I will let yall know if the doctor approves.

:hug::hug:

TG

 

[texasgirl]

I am truthfully still very confused. Disability called me a minute ago and told me that the doctor said that he wants me out until November 11. I am sad about this because my thoughts are better. Except I am still confused and can't come up with words for things. I don't know what to do except to accept what the doctors think is best.

And the doctor wants to wait until I am on a full dose of lamictal.

And the doctor said that my job requires too much high level responsibility and decision making so that he thinks that I am not ready yet.

I feel like such a loser.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I have a hard time talking to people for very long so I am going to have to take it slowly like David said. I am not really up to going anywhere with friends because I get confused when I talk for very long.

I am not allowed to drive yet but when I can I will visit with my friends (I have one friend right now). I can talk on the phone and that's what I do for short times right now.

I wish I didn't have such a fuzzy head. Maybe it will clear up over time.

My niece jumped out of the car to commit suicide one year ago today.

I am truthfully still very confused. Disability called me a minute ago and told me that the doctor said that he wants me out until November 11. I am sad about this because my thoughts are better. Except I am still confused and can't come up with words for things. I don't know what to do except to accept what the doctors think is best.

And the doctor wants to wait until I am on a full dose of lamictal.

And the doctor said that my job requires too much high level responsibility and decision making so that he thinks that I am not ready yet.

I feel like such a loser.

Texasgirl, I really do understand how impatient you are to get back to work. It's not easy sitting at home when you are used to be busy and productive.

But:

First, you are not a loser. You are being treated for an illness and it's still early in your recovery.

Second, I'll tell you again what my nurse keeps telling me: You already have a full time job right now and that job is recovering. Be patient with yourself and recognize that the job of recovery is a tough one - for anyone.

Third, read the parts of your posts that I have quoted here. You have a lot to deal with. If this were someone else instead of you, a friend or family member, what do you think you would say to that person? It seems clear to me that your doctor is correct. You still need more time at home to recover.

There's no shame in that. It's a hard position to be in, I know, but it's necessary.

 

[texasgirl]

I know, David. I am just scared and sad. Scared that I will lose my job and sad because this never seems to end...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I know, David. I am just scared and sad. Scared that I will lose my job and sad because this never seems to end...

In a sense, mental health issues don't ever end, since part of it is interwoven with your personality. That doesn't mean you cannot be successful at getting the symptoms under control.

Think of it as like diabetes or thyroid disease: Those are not conditions that are ever going to go away entgirely but many people do manage the symptoms well and live successful lives. The same is true of depression, anxiety disorders, and even schizophrenia.

 

[texasgirl]

I just got back from the doctor's office and he reiterated what they told me from Disability. He said what you said David almost word for word and I thank you for that. In any event, he said that it takes a long while to recover and that it is a real struggle and very tiring and that the brain takes time to heal. He thinks that I am bipolar and that the lamictal will help but takes time to get in your system. I agree David that I have to take the time as you said and focus on recovery. Thank you. :heart:

TG

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am just passing along what people keep telling me. It's not easy being patient.

 

[Into The Light]

i agree, tg, it takes a while to recover. i ended up off work myself and was told at the time it would take me 6 months to a year to be back to normal. i went back to work after 6 months but only part time, and i've gradually increased my hours since then. i can manage full-time now but i can tell i get worn out more easily than i used to.

even now i don't feel completely back to normal, for the most part i am, but i still have my moments of feeling a little depressed.

take it slow, and have faith that things do improve and get better. you will be able to go back to work when you've recovered from this.

 

[texasgirl]

I will try Ladybug. I am sorry that you had to go through this too. I just get impatient because my mind won't work. It has been a struggle for sure and I am only able to write on here when I take my medicine. I don't have that issue anymore - I take it as prescribed even though sometimes voices tell me differently....

I appreciate your support and thank you.

:hug: TG

 

[Into The Light]

you are indeed having a rough time, tg. i know it's terribly difficult but i also know that having support is what helped me get through it. i really don't know what i would have done without this forum. it would have been a much tougher road. i encourage you to post here when you feel the need, it will help. i am glad you are sticking to your medication despite the voices. continue to do that and things will get better.

one other thought, you may want to look at this time away from work as a good thing. at least you aren't getting overwhelmed and stressed out by your responsibilities right now, and you are off work on doctor's orders. you have actually been given the time to focus on your health, without distractions from work. this way work isn't taking away any precious energy that you need for yourself right now.

 

[texasgirl]

Being off work is a blessing especially since many people don't get paid and I do. I will take it easy which is really what I want to do right now, in fact I can't do much so it makes taking it easy easier if you know what I mean. Thank you, Ladybug.

:friends:

TG

 

[HA]

TG, I'm glad that you are able to take care of yourself and let your brain heal without feeling negative towards yourself for doing it. Things will get better.

Here are some flowers to make you feel better. :flowers: Sorry the psychlinks flower shop was out of roses. :dimples:

Do you have any hobbies?

 

[ThatLady]

TexasGirl, I really like the way you think! You're not beating yourself up over all this, but are looking for real possibilities and ideas. That's commendable, so give yourself a pat on the back!

If your doctor says it's okay, I think going back for just a couple of half-days, at first, might be a good idea. That way, you can get your feet wet without drowning! I also think Daniel's idea with regard to exercise is a good one. Exercise can make a lot more difference than people realize. A brisk walk in the morning is a good way to start out, and it doesn't require that you be around a lot of people. :hug:

 

[texasgirl]

thank you for the flowers, Heartart. I don't have any hobbies except reading and I can't read very much right now but that's ok. Cooking is good and I do that sometimes.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

A brisk walk in the morning is a good way to start out

And by "morning", ThatLady of course means "noon".

 

[texasgirl]

For sure, That Lady and David. I stare for about 3 hours first on the porch. Thanks yall.



TG

 

[texasgirl]

I just got back from my therapist office. In the past couple of months I have not been able to manage talking to him for more than 10 minutes or so because I can't focus and I am struggling with many things like believing I am being programmed and that someone has taken all my feelings away except that I started crying and yelling tonight that someone was pulling my brain with all this talking. I think I am getting better but it's such a struggle. I am obviously not ready to return to work but I want this to stop.It is literally living a nightmare.

TG

 

[HA]

It will get better, TG.

Besides cooking, what hobbies do you think you might like to try?

:grouphug:

 

[texasgirl]

swimming when we go back home to texas. I can't read right now even though I like to read. Can't focus.

 

[Halo]

Can you go swimming somewhere close to where you live now? I know you said that you could when you move back to Texas but I was thinking of something more in the interim while you wait to move. Swimming is great exercise and if you like it then I would definitely look into it being something that you could do now. For me I also find swimming very relaxing which may help as well.

Like HeartArt asked:

what hobbies do you think you might like to try?

Is there anything else that you have thought about trying but just never had the time? If so then maybe now is the time to try such activities. You may find something that you really enjoy.

Take care :heart::heart:
:hug: :hug: