Thoughts of SI is back

[suewatters1]

I am having thoughts of SI after not doing it for about 1 month.. Right now it feels like a million things going through my head. A lot is of uncertainty. I saw my Neurologist last week and she said I was still stable like I was last fall but it did show my nerve testing that my fingers were very cold at 24.9 C. I have in the past asked her some question whether some symptoms I have is related to my CIDP and she would say no. But this past weekend I went to Toronto for the GBS CIDP Conference and the questions that were asked by me or others shows that my Neurologist gave me the wrong answers That most likely it is related to my CIDP. There was expert Neurologist answering questions.

I did manage to talk to a liaison person for my district and she will be asking her Neurologist if I could see him. I know I still have signs that something is wrong in my body even when my local Counselor who was a Family DR for 20 years said that having vibrations over my body like I do at times is not normal..

Today I feel all these insecurities more then usual and I wasn't feeling well so I didn't go to work. I feel the tension in my body that I have had lately not going away. I know while in Toronto staying with a friend he noticed that I grind my teeth. I have been grinding my teeth since I was a child but I know this past week it has really gotten worse where it gives me a headache and my jaw aches.

I can't control what is going on in my life regarding my health issues and I think that is why I am thinking of SI. I know if I did something stupid I would be disappointing myself and I don't want to disappoint my close friend especially since we got close the other night for the first time in over 1 year. I just so many thoughts in my head too many . Also work is still stressing me out.

I just needed to say what is on my mind right now.

Sue

 

[Cat Dancer]

I am sorry you're having those thoughts. It is frustrating. Just remember you don't deserve to hurt yourself. Please try to stay safe.

 

[suewatters1]

Thank you. For the last 10 days I feel the tension allover my body but especially upper back shoulders and jaw which gives me a very bad headache that just doesn't seem to go away. I went to the Chiropractor last Thursday and today hoping it would help relieve some of the tension and it's not and this is driving me to think of SI. I should be grateful for all the good things going on right now in my life which there are many but for me it is always the uncertainties, insecurities and the headaches that gets to me so much and that brings me down.

Sue

 

[forgetmenot]

sorry you are not feeling so great Sue can you call your doctor get something to relieve the tension and something for the headaches muscle relaxant or something. i know pain is something very hard to deal with so i hope you and your doctor can think of something to get it under control. don't harm you okay it is just another pain you will have to deal with You deserve compassion not more pain h ugs

 

[Retired]

Sue,

Do you have a prescription for an anti anxiety medication you can take to help relieve the tension and anxiety you are feeling these days?

tension ..... especially upper back shoulders and jaw which gives me a very bad headache that just doesn't seem to go away

Check with your doctor, because that sounds like what I get sometimes when I' feeling tense. There's a muscle group (trapezius muscle) in the upper back and that extends along your neck to the back of your head that when you become tense, might be the cause of what you are feelng.

Gentle oil massage (by your close friend) might be just what the doctor ordered, along with a warm bath to soothe your muscle tension.

Can you arrange an appointment with your doctor, your therapist or the CMHA support group for help in dealing with your thoughts of SI?

 

[suewatters1]

Hi everyone. This morning I took 150 mg of Lyrica to help with the anxiety and pain then I left work at lunch time and went bought some Muscle Relaxant Extra strength and took 2 I slept briefly and I am still drowsy and the thoughts are not as strong. I did leave a voice message with my CMHA worker and my Psychiatrist this morning tell them both how I am feeling. Maybe I can sleep some more if not I will just take more muscle relaxant to help me sleep more and really relax me. The tension in my shoulder is not as bad as it was this morning but then I am drowsy so I think the medication is working some what.

Found today my boss won't be at work next week and the lead hand on line I work on is off sick leave she just had surgery due to a work related injury so we are so we are stuck with my boss assistant which everybody hates and who makes everybody life miserable . My lead hand stands up to her. She will do my bosses job and that mean pushing people to breaking point. My boss is not like that but when he is not around she runs all 3 production line like she is the owner of the place. She is one person that has always harassed me and bullied me and not having my boss around next week to protect me scares me. Every few weeks I have to tell my boss about something she said to me or how rudely she treated me and all he says I will talk to her.
I am not looking forward to next week.
I think the more I can sleep and get rid of this tension in my body and jaw from all the grinding I do I will feel better. But I am waiting to see if I will get that referral to another Neurologist to see what is really wrong with me
This morning they were talking about the light duty jobs which at times there isn't many and that cause the lead hand problem when they don't know what job to give us. I know us people on light duties are a nuisance to them and you hear it in their voice and then it makes you feel like a nobody. It's not my fault I got this disease and lost my strength. Every day they make you feel like your a nuisance to them and that sometimes make me want to cut myself. Your made to feel like a nobody so often it can't but affect you after a while.

Sue

 

[Andy]

I'm glad your feeling a little bit of relief after taking that muscle relaxant. Hopefully taking those for a little bit will help things.

I just wanted to suggest to you that you might want to go to the dentist (if you can afford it) and talk to them about your teeth grinding. I have TMJ and grind my teeth really bad. If you don't do something to correct that you will grind the enamel on your teeth and end up having to deal with it later. I was sent to a pain management place where they deal with TMJ a lot. I did physio and I have a splint I wear at night and sometimes during the day. It was really expensive though (the splint), well the kind I have is, you can get cheaper ones (cheap as far as the dentist goes I mean).
Babble...You can also go buy a night guard at your pharmacy. They do the job as far as saving your teeth.

I'm sorry your going to be working with what sounds like someone on a power trip next week, I hope all goes well with that. Have a good weekend.

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks STP I use to have a mouth guard but I couldn't wear it because it would make me gag. But it is just lately that I noticed the stress increasing. I think since my Neurologist told me last week that I am stable not getting worse but I know there is something wrong with my body and I waiting to get a second opinion, I am just tired of people treating us disabled people at work as nobodies. I have been there 27 years the 7th employee of over 300 and to be treated like a nobody really hurts me.

Sue

 

[Andy]

Yes, that is not right.
I know you said you have talked to your boss but what is he doing about it? Is there anyway you could ask him to talk to this woman and make sure she will behave while he is gone? Sort of let her know ahead of time that he is aware of how she is and maybe she will think about what she is doing and saying. That has to be really frustrating after being there and working for that company for so long. You definitely don't deserve to be treated like "nobody".

 

[suewatters1]

Does everybody SI for about the same reason? Is it because they can't deal with things in life either that is happening in the present or the past? My Dr asked me last time I saw him why I SI and I told him because it is way to release the stress when I can't deal with certain things or if I feel overloaded and I can't cope and it makes me feel better( not all the time ).
I just 2 more muscle relaxant and I want to SI so badly like I don't care anymore. I will just be careful I don't have to go to the hospital. I hate going there and them telling me I should see them before doing something stupid. Why so that the crisis team will tell me I am wasting their time and to rely on the 3 people I get counseling from? I usually have to wait about 2-3 hours to see them for a 15 minute visit. It is a waste of every bodies time.

Sue

---------- Post added May 7th, 2011 at 11:42 AM ---------- Previous post was May 6th, 2011 at 04:49 PM ----------

Last night I didn't hurt myself because the pain meds knocked me out before I could do anything. This morning I went to the Hospital and asked for some muscle relaxant like Flexeril. The triage Nurse wanted me to see the Crisis Team but I didn't really want to. I was put in a family room a table and chairs and another nurse took my list of medication and I told her I don't need to see the Crisis Team. All I need is to get rid of this muscle tension I have in my upper back shoulder and neck that gives me a bad headache.
The Dr came in after and was hesitant to give me Flexeril because of all the meds I am on because it may cause a reaction with something I am taking. I said yes it might but it is better then cutting myself. I got 7 days of Naproxen at a higher dose then I normally take and 10 mg of Flexeril 3 times a day for 10 days. He also gave me a prescription for Message Therapy but I don't have insurance to cover that.

Just giving you all an update

Sue

 

[forgetmenot]

Hope the meds work for you hugs