To stay or go?

[AllyCat]

Hi everyone

I'm kind of new here, but I need to ask a question so here goes.

I have been to a psychologist for a little over a year now, and I feel I'm wasting my time and his because I can't fix my problem. The problem I have is I don't feel anything, ever, at all. I know what the cause is, I know the problem, but I'm beginning to think I can't be helped and I can't fix it. Maybe this is just the way I am and am doomed to live a life feeling like I'm hollow and dead. Maybe I can't change not because I don't want to but maybe because I can't change the way I am.

Sorry about my rambling, but I'm at my wits end. Should I carry on with therapy even though it hasn't helped this past year, is one year enough time to give it. Or should I just give up and carry on as I am. I have no problem with my therapist (in case anyone was wondering) he is really nice and is trying but I think he just can't figure out what to do with me anymore. I don't know what to do so any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

 

[Banned]

Hi AllyCat,

Welcome to Psychlinks

I think all of us that are in or have been through therapy have asked ourselves the same question at some point in the journey. My first recommendation would be to have this exact conversation with your therapist, simply because often others on the outside, who are objective, can see change in us before we can.

I don't think therapy is ever a waste, except when someone is adamant that they refuse to change. But, if you're giving it your best effort, have a competent therapist whom you have a good rapport with, and give it time, then yes, you should see some change over time. But, its a team sport, and you're the team captain, so you have to do your share of the work as well.

Sometimes we're just not ready, and that may be the case as well with you. If you're not ready, then perhaps a break is in order until you decide that you are.

 

[white page]

I agree with Turtle Allycat, a year is a very short time for therapy, change comes very gradually at times.

It takes a while before we can truly assimilate all the work we do with a therapist, new insights are understood on an intellectual level long before they are absorbed on an emotional level.
And then one day one understands that ones focus and perceptions have changed without realising it.
I would stick with it Allycat.

 

[Into The Light]

this is definitely something worth exploring with your therapist.

it may turn out it's time for a different one, if this one has taken you as far as he can. i am not saying that this is necessarily the case, but it's something that happens and that is possible.

it may also be that something is holding you back from moving forward in therapy. is there anything that comes to mind that you may be apprehensive of bringing up in therapy? (you do not need to answer this here, this is purely for your own benefit). i have had a few times now where i'd hit in a point in therapy of feeling stuck and unable to move forward, and each time it came down to having an issue i was afraid, embarrassed or ashamed of to bring up. when we hit those moments in therapy it is important to try and communicate these thoughts and feelings with your therapist so that you can work on those. your therapist can help you work through them so that therapy can continue on. try to remember that your therapist will not judge you, and will be glad to hear whatever it is that is getting in the way of progressing further, because the more they know, the better they are able to help you. :goodjob:

 

[AllyCat]

Wow! You guys reply fast, thanks for the feedback. I know that it is me holding me back in therapy, I just can't seem to get past it though. I am just not seeing it. I think as Turtle pointed out, I might not be really ready. In my head I think I am but I am not putting my heart into it. I want to fix this but I think I want to just because in my head it makes sense. There are also things that my therapist has brought up that I don't want to talk about but that I know I should, I just cannot get the words out. Thanks again for the replies, I kind of already knew the answer I just think I need some perspective from people other than my mind.

 

[Into The Light]

There are also things that my therapist has brought up that I don't want to talk about but that I know I should, I just cannot get the words out.

i think it would be helpful if you let him know this. he isn't going to jump right in the deep end with you on those things; instead he'll probably talk to you about why you don't want to talk about them and explore together with you what is holding you back.