Too dependent?

[poss]

Hi Everyone,

I'm struggling to deal with dependency issues with my therapist. I had a traumatic childhood in alot of ways and had a difficult time with my mother in particular. There was a lack of affection and I was blamed for things that couldn't possibly have been my fault as a child. So I have grown up with this gap in my life where I crave that affection from someone. The therapist I have now is like a mother figure to me. She's about the same age as my mum and is really caring and really nice to me. She said that she really likes me and it felt so good to hear that. I never want to disappoint her, I don't want to say anything to make her stop liking me, I don't want her to be angry with me about anything. I feel like I want constant confirmation that she still likes me, that it hasn't changed. I'm terrified already about ending therapy, about her no longer being there for me. I live for the day that I see her, I wish my whole week away waiting for that appointment. It keeps me going to count down till the next time I see her. I can't imagine what I'm going to do when I can't see her anymore. I'm not seeing her privately so I have no choice about the end date. I am due to finish in November and it's constantly on my mind. I feel the longer I see her, the more attached I get. I don't want to lose her from my life but I know because of boundary issues that I won't be allowed to stay in touch or see her ever again. I can't deal with it. I know everyone is going to say that I should bring it up with her but I just can't. I don't want her to realise how attached I'm getting and back off because I so need her affection. But at the same time I know it's not really good for me.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of attachment/dependency with their therapist? And if so, how did you get over it/deal with it?

Thanks everyone,

Poss

 

[ladylore]

Many of us have run into the same type of thing Poss. I think being attached to your therapist is just a side effect of finding someone that is really good at what he/she does.

Just a thought - but you may want to be honest with your therapist about how you feel and what your thinking, as in not wanted to say anything that may lead her to stop liking you. This in and of itself may be important for you to look at as it could be how you also interact with others.

By letting her know how you feel can also help her help you with the anxiety you feel about therapy ending in November. Believe me, I really know this one.

Anyways, like I said - only a thought.

 

[poss]

Hey Ladylore,

Thanks for your post. So you've been there and done that eh? I guess it is probably a very common and normal phenomena. I suppose I really knew that the only way to get through it is to bring it up in therapy and it's a good idea to start it by saying I'm afraid of her not liking me anymore. Will give that a go when the time is right.

Thanks again,

Poss

 

[braveheart]

My experience is that it's like 'Going on a bear hunt', you can't go over it, you can't go under it, you've got to go through it... Especially if when you were a child your normal dependency needs weren't acknowledged in some way by your parents. Working it through with someone can be painful, but helpful.

 

[ladylore]

No problem.

 

[kiddo]

Poss-

I understand most of what you have written. I have had extremely similar feelings with all three of my therapists. Craving their affection. My current therapist actually offered to give me hugs at the end of session! Seeing her is the ONE thing that gets me through the week alive.

Check out this book:
In Session, The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists
By Deborah Lott

It will provide much insight to the feelings you have towards your therapist and will help you not feel so alone. It is my bible.

Take care.

 

[ladylore]

Poss-

I understand most of what you have written. I have had extremely similar feelings with all three of my therapists. Craving their affection. My current therapist actually offered to give me hugs at the end of session! Seeing her is the ONE thing that gets me through the week alive.

Check out this book:
In Session, The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists
By Deborah Lott

It will provide much insight to the feelings you have towards your therapist and will help you not feel so alone. It is my bible.

Take care.

Not to hijack the thread but:

Welcome LoveKEE :welcome2:

 

[kiddo]

I am completely dependent on my therapist.
All I want is for her to love me.

 

[Halo]

I want to send a quick Welcome to Psychlinks to you too Kiddo :welcome2:

 

[ladylore]

Hi Kiddo. :welcome2:

 

[poss]

Hi Kiddo,

Thanks alot for your reply. I will check out that book

So does your therapist give you hugs now? Does she ask you or do you have to ask for it? Doesn't it freak you out or make the attachment even worse?

I would love for my therapist to hug me but don't dare to ask as I'm scared of her saying no, that it's not allowed. And also I worry about getting even more dependent.

I understand the feeling of just wanting her to love you too.

Take Care,

Poss x

 

[ladylore]

Poss - I do get a hug from my therapist now and again. One way to approach it is simply to ask if he/she excepts hugs.