- Jun 22, 2005
i wrote a letter to my psychologist the other day about how i feel i left out all the details about being anorexic and of weight loss and stuff that come with being anorexic i didnT talk abotu calories or anythign in that sort all i did was talkabout me and my messed up little brain! her conclusion i am suicidal! didn't really get why she said that i basicly told her that i was at peace now with the possibility of me dying of a heart attack because of my anorexia and that set an alarm in her head i am not afraid of dying i am just sick of trying to live my heart tells me eat !!! my brain tells me i can't i don't know how to explain it but i am lost in this battle! i realise now that i might have a problem after 15 years of woundering if i am thin enough and never seeing it . at the age of 5 i wouldn't go outside in a snow suit cause it made me look even fatter then i thought i was yet i was a very petite child! now at age 20 i envie the days that i was little yet i probably am today but don't see it! people think this is all about control and it may be but in another sence i just want to feel good enough pretty enough i want to be thin! is it impossible for anorexia to just be a desire to be thin! i went through many obstacles in life but yet my anorexia was there before i was raped and molested before my parenst divorced i have always been this way i have always just wanted to be thin!