More threads by Debra


I've come to realize I am not very good at relationships. I am a 44 yr old woman, I am divorced and have a 12 yr old son. My relationship with my son is the best ever. He is the love of my life and the best thing that has ever happened to me. My ex and I remain friends, still pretty close and I still spend time at the house and helping around. I am in a relationship now for about 5 yrs. This is not the first relationship after my divorce, its the third. He is a very good looking, kind, sweet, caring man but it seems no matter what I just am not happy. I am happiest around my son which I'm around him alot. I tend to think about how it was with my ex and my son when we were a family and I miss it alot at times. My ex is not in a relationship and will let me know every now and then that he will always love me. Is it possible to love two people, two men, at the same time? I wish I could be two people one with my ex and one with my boyfriend now. My son lives more at the house with his father then with me at my apartment. He loves coming over by me but just loves his home, his gaming consoles and his friends more which I have no problem with going over to the house and spending time and my ex doesn't mind either. Its like a comfort zone for me. My boyfriend also doesn't mind because he knows I am doing it for my son. Maybe I miss the past because of my son, I'm not sure. I just wish for once I could feel as though I belong in the relationship I am in and with the person I am with. No matter what or when or who I always seem to miss my past and my family life as it were when I was married. I made alot of mistakes and still do, maybe not as much and as major but I still make them. How do I figure out where I belong? Sometimes I think I would be better off alone. And by the way, I did go back to my ex once but it didn't work why do I miss it? Any suggestions, solutions, ideas.........would be appreciated......
Thank you,

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
It seems to me you miss the marriage and family you wish you had been able to have when you were with your ex-husband, not the marriage and family you actually had. Perhaps your inability to feel happy in new relationships is the knowledge that your son isn't going to be a part of that the way he was in your marriage.

I think when you begin to feel nostalgic you should perhaps reflect upon the reasons the marriage didn't work for you - twice.
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