Hey Guys, If anybody has any advice on treatment options for people who have witnessed domestic violence as children please let me know of your experience. I've researched online and haven't really found any clear directions. I would really appreciate your help. I?ll try to sum everything in shortest way possible.
How I got here:
I have dealt with depression for almost my entire life and struggle with lifestyle factors that enable the condition. I?ve been doing a lot of back tracking and evaluation on what could have caused my lack of social connections and isolationist traits. After looking into my anxiety, compulsions and behavioral addictions I was still baffled by how different my relationship and social activity is next to the average person and proceeded to try to find parallels within my parent?s relationships. I ended up reading articles about battered wives and domestic violence and then hit the jack pot with the articles about children who have witnessed domestic violence.
I am the youngest of 2 brothers and one sister. My mother was the head of our family and my dad was very emotionally and financially absent. He was very physically abusive toward my mom and siblings ? but not me ? because I was his favorite. At a certain point he stopped being abusive but also became a lot more withdrawn and absent. He had an issue with gambling as well but since he wasn?t a provider it hardly made any difference except the few times where he would steal money from my mother, but he would pay it back and it would never make a difference on the food on our plate at the end of the day.
I was very resentful of him for his favoritism and felt isolated from my siblings. I felt angry that I couldn't defend my mother and angry that a father who loves you would do that to you mother. Even more angry at my mother for staying and for teaching us to be weak.
I still feel guilty knowing that a lot of people have been through worst things and that years have passed and I am still hurt. I worry that I am holding on to so much pain and one day my parents will die and I will regret this all. At the same time though I am not too hard on myself because I want to beat this emptiness and feeling of loneliness I have most of the time and feel as if time is passing me by, I?m in my mid 20s with very little friends and I'm trying hard to right all of the wrongs and not victimize myself. I also struggled with severe anxiety, sometimes suicidal thoughts, sporadic eating disorders and co-dependece/love addiction. I notice all of that may have spiraled from witnessing childhood trauma.
I am now seeking help and looking into ways to get treatment. If anybody has any advice please DO tell. Thank you! -M
How I got here:
I have dealt with depression for almost my entire life and struggle with lifestyle factors that enable the condition. I?ve been doing a lot of back tracking and evaluation on what could have caused my lack of social connections and isolationist traits. After looking into my anxiety, compulsions and behavioral addictions I was still baffled by how different my relationship and social activity is next to the average person and proceeded to try to find parallels within my parent?s relationships. I ended up reading articles about battered wives and domestic violence and then hit the jack pot with the articles about children who have witnessed domestic violence.
I am the youngest of 2 brothers and one sister. My mother was the head of our family and my dad was very emotionally and financially absent. He was very physically abusive toward my mom and siblings ? but not me ? because I was his favorite. At a certain point he stopped being abusive but also became a lot more withdrawn and absent. He had an issue with gambling as well but since he wasn?t a provider it hardly made any difference except the few times where he would steal money from my mother, but he would pay it back and it would never make a difference on the food on our plate at the end of the day.
I was very resentful of him for his favoritism and felt isolated from my siblings. I felt angry that I couldn't defend my mother and angry that a father who loves you would do that to you mother. Even more angry at my mother for staying and for teaching us to be weak.
I still feel guilty knowing that a lot of people have been through worst things and that years have passed and I am still hurt. I worry that I am holding on to so much pain and one day my parents will die and I will regret this all. At the same time though I am not too hard on myself because I want to beat this emptiness and feeling of loneliness I have most of the time and feel as if time is passing me by, I?m in my mid 20s with very little friends and I'm trying hard to right all of the wrongs and not victimize myself. I also struggled with severe anxiety, sometimes suicidal thoughts, sporadic eating disorders and co-dependece/love addiction. I notice all of that may have spiraled from witnessing childhood trauma.
I am now seeking help and looking into ways to get treatment. If anybody has any advice please DO tell. Thank you! -M
