Trying to fit in with other moms

[wtbh]

Hi,

I am totally new about this, so i don't even know how to start. Anyhow, I'd like to have some advices or to see if others feel the same way as I do.

Ever since I move here, I found it is so hard to fit in because English is not my first language, especially with other moms at my kids' school. I have a group of friends who speak the same language and some came from the same country with me, but I still would like to fit in and make friends with other moms at my kids' school. I am not shy, but I'm sometimes self conscious about my accent. Often, I found that many of them are just not interested to getting to know me. I do often start a conversation first, but if I feel the other person does not want to continue the conversation for very long, I know they are not interested. There are some who are very nice, but often just say hi and causal polite conversation.

I feel funny that I am seeking help with this issue because I should be the one giving my kids advice about fitting in. I heard of a lot of things about the high school experiences here, but I have never felt like an outsider until now. I sometimes feel like a high school kid trying to find a table to sit at lunch time when I go to my kids' school event.

Anyhow, I feel better just by talking about it. I do talk about this with my friends, many of them have the same feeling but we don't know what to do about it. I guess I also would like to know if other moms, whose English or race is not an issue, might feel differently.

Thank you for reading it, and any suggestion or thought are welcomed

 

[David Baxter PhD]

wtbh, I've merged your two thread here.

I wonder whether trying to make friends with other mothers at school is the problem. For parents, school is a transient and episodic experience. You go to school events and see other parents of your child's classmates a few times a year but generally there is little contact between those events u8nless there are common outside interests and activities.

You might have more success by focusing on making friends with other parents and families in your neighborhood. Chances are at least some of those will be parents with children attending the same school as your children. If you are friends outside the school setting, you will have less trouble socializing and conversing with them during the school events.

Alternatively, if you are meeting other parents every day while dropping off your children at school (or picking them up after school), you might think about inviting one or two over for tea or coffee.

Finally, iIf you look through the Shyness & Social Anxiety forum here you'll find suggestions on starting conversations if shyness is an issue for you.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

See also:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/shyness-and-social-anxiety/23479-finding-friends.html

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/shyness-and-social-anxiety/23478-13-ways-to-make-friends.html

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/shyness-and-social-anxiety/23480-small-talk-big-skill.html