I have been trying to get up the courage to post here for quite a while. I am pretty shy and not the most open, so it has been hard for me to decide that I could actually do this. Plus I am kind of technologically challenged and am not sure that I am even doing this correctly. I am also really afraid that my therapist will somehow see what I post here, so I have been very worried about posting for that reason.
After being miserable and very unproductive for a period of a couple of years my husband finally convinced me to go back into therapy about a year ago. I had previously been in therapy about 12 years ago. At that time I was very depressed. Most days it was all I could do to just get out of bed and move to the couch. This time it took me so long to go talk to someone because I was still somewhat functional (most days I could make it to work). I have to say that I am really grateful for him pushing me to enter therapy again as I am hoping to actually be a happy and productive person someday.
My therapist is great and extremely patient as I think that I am a pretty difficult patient. It's not that I am non-compliant or anything, I just have such a hard time actually talking and sharing. It has taken all this time before I have really built up the trust necessary to really feel comfortable talking to him. Most of the time it is still extremely difficult for me to actually say much in my sessions. Often my mind will go completely blank and I will start shaking. So now I bring in my journals each week, so he can see what I am thinking and feeling, which has been a huge help. He also really likes to do EMDR which has been very difficult for me since I can't stand to have people look at me and whenever he gets within a few feet of me I start to panic. With time, I seem to be getting better and having less anxiety.
I entered therapy this time thinking that I was just depressed. Oh yeah, I also have been having lots of panic attacks with increasing frequency over the past few years along with insomnia. As we have been progressing I just keep finding out that I have more and more issues. It has been mentioned that I have OCD, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety, Body Dismorphic Disorder, plus I have discovered that a whole host of other symptoms that I just thought were quirks are actually all related. I don't have an extreme case of any of the above, just tendencies. For example, although I have BDD, I have never had (or tried to have) any plastic surgery.
I apologize for rambling on so much here. It was just hard to know what to write and what to leave out. This has gone on way too long, so I better stop for now. I just wanted to say "hi" and say that this is a wonderfully informative site and everyone here seems to be so generous and supportive.
After being miserable and very unproductive for a period of a couple of years my husband finally convinced me to go back into therapy about a year ago. I had previously been in therapy about 12 years ago. At that time I was very depressed. Most days it was all I could do to just get out of bed and move to the couch. This time it took me so long to go talk to someone because I was still somewhat functional (most days I could make it to work). I have to say that I am really grateful for him pushing me to enter therapy again as I am hoping to actually be a happy and productive person someday.
My therapist is great and extremely patient as I think that I am a pretty difficult patient. It's not that I am non-compliant or anything, I just have such a hard time actually talking and sharing. It has taken all this time before I have really built up the trust necessary to really feel comfortable talking to him. Most of the time it is still extremely difficult for me to actually say much in my sessions. Often my mind will go completely blank and I will start shaking. So now I bring in my journals each week, so he can see what I am thinking and feeling, which has been a huge help. He also really likes to do EMDR which has been very difficult for me since I can't stand to have people look at me and whenever he gets within a few feet of me I start to panic. With time, I seem to be getting better and having less anxiety.
I entered therapy this time thinking that I was just depressed. Oh yeah, I also have been having lots of panic attacks with increasing frequency over the past few years along with insomnia. As we have been progressing I just keep finding out that I have more and more issues. It has been mentioned that I have OCD, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety, Body Dismorphic Disorder, plus I have discovered that a whole host of other symptoms that I just thought were quirks are actually all related. I don't have an extreme case of any of the above, just tendencies. For example, although I have BDD, I have never had (or tried to have) any plastic surgery.
I apologize for rambling on so much here. It was just hard to know what to write and what to leave out. This has gone on way too long, so I better stop for now. I just wanted to say "hi" and say that this is a wonderfully informative site and everyone here seems to be so generous and supportive.
