Week 2

[Ashley-Kate]

Well i know i told you all that i have been doing a lot better and well i wanted to keep you posted on everythin that is going on cause i really feel great! I started drawing again and well i am getting better and better i have so much time on my hands now so it is a lot of fun and well. i decided to stop going to to gym for a while until i really get back on my in terms of eating and all and until i feel more in controle but i am still going out for walks. i am going out a lot more often spending time with my friends going to a movie i still think about it though how easy it would be to just drop this hole thing but this time the thing that is different is thati am doing it really for me so the only person i will dissapoint realy is me! so i am fighting and i think i am going to win this thing! haven't purged in 2 weeks !!! I feel so proud of myself this is the best accomplishment i have ever did including the times i was proud of losing weight that is no wear near how happy i am now!
ashley

 

[Halo]

Re: week 2

AK,

That is so awesome that you haven't purged in 2 WEEKS!!!!! :yahoo: :2thumbs:

I am really proud of you as you should be of yourself. I know that it is a difficult thing to battle and you are doing awesome....glad to hear it and I look forward to more updates

 

[ladylore]

Re: week 2

You deserve to be proud of yourself Ashley-Kate. I am so proud of you. Way to go.:dance::2thumbs:

 

[Misha]

Re: week 2

AshleyKate, you make me proud!!! I'm doing really well right now too and you are right that it is a much better feeling than that of weight loss. To think we thought that was the be all and end all!! Way to think healthy AND act healthy!! Good for you, girl!! Stay strong.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: week 2

it's odd though must i admit i am new to this feeling good about myself thing being in controle btu in a healthy way i have never felt more alive in my life and before i always thought that my e-d gave me a reason to live things we learn after make us see how greatlife can really be i tried to flee it for so long now i realsie that it is so easy to face your demons right away than to run fromthem.
ashley

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Well within th next month i am probably moving out in an appartment of my own a couple hours away fromwere i live now t just finally alow myself to grow up and be an adult i can't wait i feel so good about myself right now like i was so scare that i wouold b nothing without anorexia or bulimia cause that would i think about what would i do and then well i see now that i am ashley nothing less i can be what i want to be ! We can all be!

 

[Misha]

Good for you, Ashley! Make sure you keep a lot of supports around you when you move... in my experience it's very rewarding, but being alone can be very difficult at times too.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

well today finally the summer is showing its face after a very long winter it was begining to get a bit anoying but i had my first ice cream! in like 3 years i was a bit nervous and scared btu it was less bad than i anticipated i looked at myself after and reaslised that i didn'T gain anythign that i was not going to blow up or anything slowly i am realising how unrealistic my thoughts were

 

[Halo]

That is really great AK....you really sound much more positive and in a better frame of thinking than you were. That must have been a great feeling to have that ice-cream

Keep it up, you are doing awesome :2thumbs:

 

[Into The Light]

congratulations life is so much more fun with ice cream in

 

[Misha]

AK, there's something about ice cream.... it's such a huge step and feels so good when you make it!! I'm proud of you. I'm working on chocolate ice cream right now. I can do it, but it's hard.
All your posts lately are so positive.... it just gives me a ton of joy to see you doing so well!!
Je suis fier de toi. :dance:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

it's weird cause before nothign seemed tobe going as planned everythign seemed to just screw up all the time at the last minute and i was never happy and now eveyrhting is getting into place. i am going to be moving soon i am going to get a job that i always wanted i am going to start classes in art cause i really want to try and become some great artist and well i am going to be in my own place my own little home with my little kitten i didn't get him yet but i decided i was going to cal him fluffy no mater how he looks lol.. i feel so happy . i still have rough days must i admit i can't say it is that easy cause i would be lying i have thoughts i always think of how easy it would be to just purge or to just no eat btu a part of me is fighting harder than before and i now fight for life and not for death!
ashley

 

[ladylore]

All your hard work has paid off Ashley Kate.

 

[Halo]

Glad to see you so positive and full of live AK

 

[Ashley-Kate]

my brother and my mother sort of trashed my hole appartment plan yesdterday but i guess it is for my own good i will move on my own in time but my mom wants me to stay in a semi supervised situation first off cause she knows i am doing good and doesn't want to jeopordise that so she rathers i stay at my brothers the time to settle in to life on my own without my mother and well once i get used to it and to my new job then i will be able to live on my own so they didn'T really trash my plan on for once that my mom is trying to control me i am not mad i understand and i think it is better that way cause well i have only been doing good for like 3 weeks now and i have had an e-d for over 10 years so it is very understanding that she wants me to be good a bit longuer!
ashley

 

[Halo]

Well I can sort of understand that your mom wanting you in a semi-supervised situation and it sounds like staying at your brothers will provide you just that. I think it sounds like a great plan of moving one step closer to getting your own place but taking things slowly at first.

Sounds like things are really starting to come together for you

 

[Misha]

Ashley, It's good to hear that your family is there to support you and provide you with the help you need when you need it. Make sure it's what you need though and not them trying to be your caretakers. If you realize that it's what you need, then its great. It takes a strong person to move into recovery slowly enough that it actually works. Good luck.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

I am not sure being supervised is exacly what i need i know that it won't make me worst or anythign but i think it can only help! being with my mom right now is like being supervised almost 65% of the time the rest of the time being at work or out. And when i move out and live with my brother for about 5 weeks that will give me a good 5 weeks of abotu 35% watch and 65% on my own then i can slowly transition into 95% on my own exept for the time i will go out for super with my brother and his famill or when i will babysit my neice the thing is i don't think they will ever trust me completly for a very long time at least cause lets face it i spent more than half of my life lying to them and making them believe that i was eating fine and that everythign was great! it's only normal that they watch me a bit more and that it takes time for them to be sure i am okay. The thing is it has been almost a month since the last time i purged and a bit more than a month since i started really trying to restrict the less possible! i am doing good but i also consider that 1 month out of 15 years of eating disorder behaviors, is hardly anytihng so i understand the people that surrond me that are not ready to get all too happy yet!
yours trully ashley

 

[Halo]

AK,

1 month is a huge deal and something to be extremely proud of yourself for :yahoo: I am sure that you have worked really hard the past month to accomplish what you have and you really deserve a pat on the back for that. Although it may take others a little longer to recognize and acknowledge the great strides and improvements that you are making, in time they will and are going to be as proud of you as you should be of yourself.

I think that moving in with your brother and slowly moving toward getting your own apartment is a great idea. You definitely are approaching this from a healthy perspective, in my opinion.

Keep it up :2thumbs:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

thanks, and yes i am extremly proud of myself to think about a month ago i was at my worst thinking that my reason of life was basicly to starve myself to death to be "the perfect anorexic" and here i am today telling all my friends and familly how good i am doing and then talkign to some of the girls i knew at the hospital telling them how they can make ti too! there is no better accomplishment then beeing able to eat! as odd as it sounds! tasing food is somehting that i didnT' do anymore i just spent my time eating and rejecting or just not eating at all! and now i know what i like what i don't like i hope one day i can go in front of a group of teens and talk to them about this talk to them about how dangerous it is and how you can get better!
ashley