More threads by g-scared


I'm having trouble trying to figure out how to deal and how I should be feeling about my recent break up.

I was dating a friend of mine and we were not seriously committed, but we were intimate. In any case, everything seemed to be going well until I introduced him to my roommate, a sculptor. To keep this straight I will give names. The sculptor's name is Zach and my intimate friend is Joel.

So, Joel was having a hard time because he was unemployed and his latest dream of becoming a train conductor was shattered by the fear of loosing several thousand dollars due to failed drug test. So, I mentioned to him my roommate Zach, a sculptor looking for a new pupil, and someone to help him do work around the warehouse.

The two hit it off great, and not long afterwards, about a month later, Zach offered him a very good deal that would involve him living and working at the warehouse. The only problem is that we were dating and I wasn't sure if I wanted him living there. So, when Joel and I spoke about this he suggested that we end that part of our relationship to avoid any weirdness. Ahhh. I'm so angry because I cannot believe how simply he felt he would solve the problem. It's not that easy, and I can't just shake off a break up and welcome him in. I am infuriated and feel betrayed and worst of all no one seems to care about my feelings. The boys are moving on with their plans with no consideration of me. I have not been able to eat or sleep properly for weeks, and I hate coming home. And I've been asking around, looking for a place to move, but so far no luck. I hate this, I hate all of them, I cannot believe that I used to call them friends. I want to leave, but I have no where to go.
Re: weird break up

hi g-scared, are you living at the warehouse as well? it's not quite clear from your story but that is what it seems like.

i can understand you are hurt and upset that joel's solution to avoid any weirdness was to break things off. i think i would feel the same way. i'm not really sure what to advise as i don't know the personalities involved. do they know you are looking for another space to live?



yes i live in the warehouse that joel wants to move in to.

and, no i have not told any one that i'm thinking of leaving. i've been asking around though.

let me know if you have any other questions.



yes, it's an option. i've spoken to my roommates and joel a little already about living arrangements, but it was not productive.

speaking to joel has been by far more helpful than any interaction with zach. zach is a very masochistic type and i feel like he treats me with only a fraction of respect that he would treat one of his male buddies. i don't get it because he is on one hand a sculptor, who works on really big projects, projects that usually weigh several thousand pounds.

at the same time, i'm an architect, and i deal with so many technical problems, and his projects would be just a scale figure in one of the buildings i'm involved in.

so, there's a little bit of a power struggle, and even though i introduced zach to joel, i am certain that zach likes him more than me.

fortunately, i read a good thread on ambiguous relationships, and was actually able to have a pretty normal interaction with joel today. he said he had been meaning to call me to talk, but that he did not pay his phone bill on time.

i hope we are able to work it out. i do still like him, he was my best friend, but i did feel pretty insulted that he wanted to move in to my place enough to break things off with me. and i did not want to end the relationship, so i am probably going through withdrawal as well.



thanks for the replies. i think that i'm starting to sort out my feelings, and i hope that joel and i can be friends in the future. it's just a totally weird situation. life can be surprising like that sometimes. i just wish things could stay open and ambiguous. i feel that now that he wants to put constraints on our relationship that i'm going to have to hold him to his words. i hate the idea of that. and to be honest, i do still like him.

zach is ok. i think he accidentally stepped in between us when he should have left us alone. he is also in a position of authority, as he owns the building, and i felt threatened.

for the moment i'm trying not to take myself too seriously. that seems to help. because man, was i angry... i totally exploded at joel and said a bunch of things i didn't mean. i can't help my emotions though, and i'm not the type of person that keeps my feelings to myself.

i'm going to talk to a friend this afternoon about possible living arrangements. i'm not sure if i'm going to bail, but i'd like to have something lined up just in case.
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