Weird break up

[g-scared]

I'm having trouble trying to figure out how to deal and how I should be feeling about my recent break up.

I was dating a friend of mine and we were not seriously committed, but we were intimate. In any case, everything seemed to be going well until I introduced him to my roommate, a sculptor. To keep this straight I will give names. The sculptor's name is Zach and my intimate friend is Joel.

So, Joel was having a hard time because he was unemployed and his latest dream of becoming a train conductor was shattered by the fear of loosing several thousand dollars due to failed drug test. So, I mentioned to him my roommate Zach, a sculptor looking for a new pupil, and someone to help him do work around the warehouse.

The two hit it off great, and not long afterwards, about a month later, Zach offered him a very good deal that would involve him living and working at the warehouse. The only problem is that we were dating and I wasn't sure if I wanted him living there. So, when Joel and I spoke about this he suggested that we end that part of our relationship to avoid any weirdness. Ahhh. I'm so angry because I cannot believe how simply he felt he would solve the problem. It's not that easy, and I can't just shake off a break up and welcome him in. I am infuriated and feel betrayed and worst of all no one seems to care about my feelings. The boys are moving on with their plans with no consideration of me. I have not been able to eat or sleep properly for weeks, and I hate coming home. And I've been asking around, looking for a place to move, but so far no luck. I hate this, I hate all of them, I cannot believe that I used to call them friends. I want to leave, but I have no where to go.

 

[Into The Light]

Re: weird break up

hi g-scared, are you living at the warehouse as well? it's not quite clear from your story but that is what it seems like.

i can understand you are hurt and upset that joel's solution to avoid any weirdness was to break things off. i think i would feel the same way. i'm not really sure what to advise as i don't know the personalities involved. do they know you are looking for another space to live?

 

[g-scared]

ladybug,

yes i live in the warehouse that joel wants to move in to.

and, no i have not told any one that i'm thinking of leaving. i've been asking around though.

let me know if you have any other questions.

-gs

 

[Into The Light]

is it an option to discuss this with them? and see if there might be another solution?

 

[g-scared]

yes, it's an option. i've spoken to my roommates and joel a little already about living arrangements, but it was not productive.

speaking to joel has been by far more helpful than any interaction with zach. zach is a very masochistic type and i feel like he treats me with only a fraction of respect that he would treat one of his male buddies. i don't get it because he is on one hand a sculptor, who works on really big projects, projects that usually weigh several thousand pounds.

at the same time, i'm an architect, and i deal with so many technical problems, and his projects would be just a scale figure in one of the buildings i'm involved in.

so, there's a little bit of a power struggle, and even though i introduced zach to joel, i am certain that zach likes him more than me.

fortunately, i read a good thread on ambiguous relationships, and was actually able to have a pretty normal interaction with joel today. he said he had been meaning to call me to talk, but that he did not pay his phone bill on time.

i hope we are able to work it out. i do still like him, he was my best friend, but i did feel pretty insulted that he wanted to move in to my place enough to break things off with me. and i did not want to end the relationship, so i am probably going through withdrawal as well.

 

[g-scared]

ladybug,

thanks for the replies. i think that i'm starting to sort out my feelings, and i hope that joel and i can be friends in the future. it's just a totally weird situation. life can be surprising like that sometimes. i just wish things could stay open and ambiguous. i feel that now that he wants to put constraints on our relationship that i'm going to have to hold him to his words. i hate the idea of that. and to be honest, i do still like him.

zach is ok. i think he accidentally stepped in between us when he should have left us alone. he is also in a position of authority, as he owns the building, and i felt threatened.

for the moment i'm trying not to take myself too seriously. that seems to help. because man, was i angry... i totally exploded at joel and said a bunch of things i didn't mean. i can't help my emotions though, and i'm not the type of person that keeps my feelings to myself.

i'm going to talk to a friend this afternoon about possible living arrangements. i'm not sure if i'm going to bail, but i'd like to have something lined up just in case.