I feel weird

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't know. What do those words mean to you?

Or is it a play on the initials NOS?

 

[SilentNinja]

They dont mean anything... just a random thought though ive been really obsessed with flourecent colours since i started to feel good again. But its not just that its the fact i was laughing so hard which at the same time turned to me crying. Also chemtrails.. aliens and dark matter is always on my mind 24/7. I feel like im losing it i cant just be in a normal moodand everything i say or type i regret it and hate myself. Arrgghh. Im lost.

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Also.. everything i think keeps coming true its freaking me out again. And this morning i jumped up outta bed heart pounding coz i heard a voice scream SORRY.. i dunno if it ws a dream.. i was kinda half awake.

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^^ forget what i just wrote above. I sound ridiculous. Im ok now.

 

[MHealthJo]

Well, "NEON ORANGE SPOONS" (in capitals, no less) is quite amusing, in the right mood and for the right person...

 

[SilentNinja]

im falling apart. I wish i could go back to my psych but i cant.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Why not?

 

[SilentNinja]

I was with my psychatrist for 2 years and in those 2 years i could only answer Yes and No, or nod, i never did get better or trust her. i couldnt speak.. Id write things down but when she asked.. i couldnt go into conversation, its been the same for the last 3 psychs ive seen.
I only really come here to talk now. But im annoying everyone here coz i can type alot! but if i was to meet you or someone from here in real life, id not speak.
CBT didnt work for me, i dont know whats left to try??
I want someone to help me, i want to overcome everything, im just a problem child.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You're not annoying people here, SN.

 

[MHealthJo]

Yeah! Its okay to talk about what's on your mind. Even if you can type a lot, people can still choose whether or not to read it! Or they will just read and respond when they are ready or if they think they have something good to say. You have as much right to post as anyone else!

Try to keep ignoring those negative thoughts SN, I know you work hard to do that. That's great! Remember the real truth is you CANT read other minds. Write it down on pieces of paper every day!!

Because talking online could be a good starting point for you. Some people with these sorts of difficulties begin by getting a little more comfortable in these kinds of environments, and gradually they work up to getting more success with talking to their therapists or they find ideas which eventually help them do that.

 

[SilentNinja]

Thanks
I have been trying to think positive things for the last few days, ive pushed myself to go to training even though i dont want to.. hoping i'll start to feel good again.
but my emotions, thoughts is all over the place. Living in fantasy land right now. Its safe there.

 

[SilentNinja]

i was going through a sort of mania stage but in my mind only.. i was believing i could change the world, and had so many projects on the go in the house at home i was happy and yapping on and on to my mum and dad, singing... but when i go to martial arts classes.. i cant express those feelings... i kinda just look blank, do you think my AvPD sort of conflicts with my bipolar is that possible... usually people thats mania you can tell but with me you wouldnt know if i was sad or happy if we met face to face, although i do have more chance of crying when im feeling down in front of people. I think i might be falling down again