What do you do if your parents hate you?

[Noughts]

...Right now, I hear them talking downstairs... I'm not hallucinating. That wouldn't happen to me while I'm at my desk, sketching... Why would I, when I don't even want to think about my family anymore?

"She's insolent," "childish," "needs to grow up," "doesn't work hard enough," "isn't disciplined enough," and it goes on, and on, and on... I don't want o type it anymore!

Why am I crying? When I promised myself I wouldn't cry over my dad's rebukes and insults anymore? When I know I shouldn't listen to what they say... I don't know what to do, really, except stay heree... Stay here... I can't stay on the computer for long... I just want to go somewhere, and I want to stop crying! It doesn't feel like anywhere is safe anymore! Not my room, not under my desk, not my closet! Nowhere! And I have nowhere to go... The streets wouldn't even accept me...

I... I want to do something... I want to die... But I can't. I can't, because I know Kia would be sad... He'd be sad, he'd cry... If I die, then I might see him again, which is fine, but he'll be sad... I've never seen him sad, I don't want to either... But it hurts. Listening to how my parents are talking about me, and discussing what they should do... it's as if... As if I'm like some wild animal, a hopeless wild animal...

What did I do wrong? I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't! I'm trying hard! So why are they talking about me like this? WHY? What did I do wrong! And I shouldn't feel sad, then, right? Why am I letting this get to me? I didn't do anything wrong! And I wish... I wish kia was here! Kia... I didn't do anything wrong, but I'm all alone... Living with cruel people who don't care! I want to die...

 

[white page]

Hi Noughts ,
:support:
Sweetie I hope you are feeling a little less distressed right now.
It is so hard to hear your parents discussing you. It sounds as if there is a lack of communication at the present , I really don't believe that they hate you , it sounds as if they are in distress as well , wanting the best for their child and not knowing what to do , , it is maybe a good idea to ask your parents to have a face to face disscussion to hear your point of view , and where there could be a constructive communication of how everyone could make the situation better , compromises which would benefit everyone.
Child and parental conflict has the confusing aspect where both parties are right and wrong at the same time, talking about it together helps to smooth the conflict and works towards an acceptance of the differences .
I do so hope it is possible for you to talk this out with them.Do you have supportive adult who could help you in your approach to your parents .?
sending you a big comforting hug

white page

 

[Noughts]

...Wanting the best for their child? I honestly don't believe that's it... If he wants the best for me, then why is he always rebuking me?! Berating me?! Yelling at me?!

Ugh... I'm sorry... I hate it when I'm like this. I should be stronger, I know that. I shouldn't cry over things like this. In my situation, I shouldn't even be getting upset. Things like these aren't exactly shockers...

My head hurts from all the crying... But I've felt worse. :smiles: Yeah, I can handle it! Thinking about it, it'd be awesome if I could show Kia that I can handle things like this. You know, to show him how much I've grown and that he can depend on me and stuff. So, I should be a little stronger...

...I'm not sure about talking face-to-face with my father. I've tried it before; it's always ended up with him scolding me, berating me, going "Why can't you be like your brothers?" or, "When I was your age I was bleargh-'n-stuff here," or things like that. And, "Why are you so [insert negative adjective here]?" "You're thirteen! You should be [something thirteen-year-olds should be able to do]!" And things like that... It's as if he thinks that all the faults are within myself and that everything can be patched up if I live, think, and breathe exactly like someone else in the family. And every time after that, I go upstairs into my room, close and look the door, lean my back against it, start crying, go to the computer, and start surfing and/or listening to music to block out the "trauma" I've "sustained." ...Actually, I do this every time I get stressed out... It's a ritual.

With my mother... Maybe... But after... After a few things... I can't forgive her. I honestly can't. Can you forgive someone who you trusted so much to hurt you as deeply as that?! I thought she would comfort me! I'm her only daughter! Her first-born! And yet she did nothing... I can't, I just can't talk to them anymore. I'm disgusted to see their face. I'm disgusted to hear them. To even be within sight's range of them disgusts me! And, I'm disgusted by being with people anymore! I've tried, I haven't met someone who honestly cares... Every time I'm just a "shrug-a-bye" friend. But I think all their friends are like that... I don't think they value their "friends" in the way I want to value other people... I can't trust any person anymore...

As for the internet... You don't see or hear anyone when you interact with them. You can't be shoved away and yelled at when you're trying to get a hug. You can't hear them yelling at you. You can't see them walk away. You can't see them shrug. There's no need to cry. You don't feel like cutting yourself after reading a harsh post. You may feel a little hurt, not go on that site for a few days... But it's not that bad, as bad as actually being with people. And if those people on the internet talk behind your back, you don't hear them. So it's not nearly as painful as it is right now...

I think I feel better after venting, and thinking about Kia, and him being proud of me, and my situation, and, everything else... I've started to stop crying, though I'm still killing trees (how many tissues have I wasted?). And it's good to know that maybe one person out there is concerned...

I'm going to start channeling my feelings into doing something good, now... Like, maybe drawing a bit more. It's a good thing I pulled back away from my desk befor any tears landed on my sketches!

 

[white page]

Hi again Noughts ,
It is so good to have a rant and vent , to get all those thoughts out , I like what you say

I'm going to start channeling my feelings into doing something good, now... Like, maybe drawing a bit more. It's a good thing I pulled back away from my desk befor any tears landed on my sketches!

Tell me what you sketch , I really am interested , do you use your sketches for paintings , I like to scan my sketches and then work on them further with the computer .

When I had a cat , he used to sit and watch me , and at times knock all my pencils off my work table .
I agree with you , about web interactions with people it is so easy to walk away when it becomes upsetting . at tims this helps to strengthen defenses in real life .
I hope you are busy sketching now and that the tears have dried .
another hug white page .

 

[Into The Light]

hello noughts, i am sorry to hear about all this. it's really rough going. have you seen your school counsellor yet?

i don't know why your parents are saying those things to you. it could be frustration, not knowing how to deal with how you are feeling. it could be the misguided idea that if they yell at you enough they'll get you to change your behaviour for the better.

what happened where your mother did nothing?

i am glad you have found us here. you can vent here when you need to. no one here's going to yell at you or berate you. this is a moderated forum with rules so you're safe here.

take care and we're here to listen.

 

[JohnnyBoy]

Hi Noughts! I hope your relationship with your parents is better by now. I have the exact same problems with my parents. Please tell me what you did to solve it, or if you haven't solved it, tell me what you are doing that is helping.
Thanks!

 

[Retired]

Hello JohnnyBoy,

Could you describe the situation in your home that causes your distress?

This original discussion was started a couple of years ago by a member who is no longer active, so if you bring us up to speed on your own situation, our current members may have some suggestions.

Welcome to Psychlinks, and I hope you find some information that can help.

 

[vasden]

Hi, I would suggest that you prove them wrong... well cry it out first, but don't hate... let your tears out, calm down, then prove them wrong. If they say that you are too lazy... clean your room, do some chores, stuff like that... if you cannot proove them wrong than you are as wrong as them... What I'm trying to say is, show them that they are wrong. Actions speak louder than words...

Other than that... I would suggest your read Legacy of Love: My training in the path of nonviolence by Arun Ghandi (Ghandi's grandson), its very helpful in getting them to thing about what they are doing to you withoght realizing that their words hurt.

 

[Ziesha001]

hardly do anything....

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Hi JohnnyBoy (and Noughts if you are still around)..

Sometimes it seems like you can't approach your parents, so I was just wondering if there was someone you could talk to at school or another trusted adult you could confide in?

Sometimes it is just your fear of the unknown, because when you are an older teen you start to see things your way and question things. It's not unusual to feel strange about standing up to your parents when you think you are right, but you can discuss your point of view calmly (and so can the parent). The thing is sometimes this new behaviour throws everyone off, including the parents, and they are taken by surprise that their child is questioning their authority. This can be frustrating to parents who love you, and they may talk about you when they think you aren't listening to vent (although they should have the sense to keep their voices down and not yell it loud enough so the whole house can hear them).

On the other hand some parents just lack understanding (for everyone, not just their kids) and you might need to talk to an aunt or uncle or other older relative or teacher or counselor at school to help you get through this sort of thing. Some people (not just parents) lack empathy or have very set ideas about things and are very inflexible. When this person happens to be your parent, you have to try to remember it's not your fault that certain people are the way they are.

Perhaps if you can talk to someone you can figure out what to do from there.

 

[MWCT]

Noughts and Johnny Boy,

I am not sure your ages or financial situation - but it sound to me like if you are living at home and have the means to - I would move out. That way you can live your own life and your parents can live theirs. I did that myself 3 months after I graduated from college. It was hard, but I didn't want to hear them say "when you live on your own you can live by your own rules, but when you are in our house....".

If you cannot move out - then I would have a frank conversation with them. Adult/children relationships are especially difficult when the transition between childhood and adulthood happens.....because your parents fear letting you go and are also worried whether you will be successful on your own or not.

Moving out at 21 for me was the best thing to do. And I have made mistakes along the way - but have learned from them and in the end - they are very proud of me.

Stay positive (or try to) and find a support system from others that are close to you and can help you along the way. Good luck.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Thread split to Problem with my parents

 

[GaryQ]

David, the link to the split thread returns the following errors:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Thanks, Gary. That was an old URL structure. It's fixed now.