What to do if your parents don't care

[Neon]

Today we had to go clothes shopping. I have two brothers, who fight over stupid things. My mother, who favors them, blames me for all of these things, even if they happened right in front of her. She takes everything I have for being present for her to pin it all on me.

My brother ruined the changing room at the store, urinating on clothes left by previous customers. My mother looks at a stained yellow t-shirt on the floor, walks out, and yells at me. I know these are minor things, but they are driving me to spend very little time with my mom, and opt out of family trips if available. My dad can't do anything about this because he is god knows where with his 17 year old girlfriend. I used to side with him in the whole divorce thing, but I have realized how much of a deadbeat he is and hasn't seen me in a year and a half.

Please post something I can say to her or do for her that will help me with this, she is obviously corrupted, and doesn't want me to have an enjoyable life.

 

[rdw]

How old are your brothers?

 

[MHealthJo]

Hi Neon.

It is really unfair for you to be in trouble about things your brothers do. It's very hurtful. I don't think that is really a minor thing, emotionally. I am real sorry that you are having to deal with that.

Yeah, how old are your brothers?

I am sure we can help you out a bit in coping with this especially if we know a bit more rough info about your situation.

xx

 

[forgetmenot]

Is there a councilor you can talk to hun at your school
Perhaps write out all the things that are making you sad and show it to a teacher or councilor .
You reach out ok to someone you trust hun who can help you perhaps talk to your mother to get her to see how she is acting towards you is so wrong.

 

[Neon]

My brothers are 9 and 5 so it's easy to understand what I'm dealing with.
I used to mention it a lot to this state counselor that used to come about the divorce. But my mom talked to her for about 30 minutes after I was done, assuming she would know that I'd mention it.

All in all, I have other places to be besides with my mom and brothers, like every weekend I usually go to my one friends house, but he gets upset with me from time to time so I can't always count on that, and after school I lock myself in my room until dinner so I don't have to deal with the insanity.

I also can't really talk to her because when she knows she is wrong, she yells at me, and says "I don't want to talk"

 

[rdw]

Do you talk to a counselor at school? Does your mom still speak to a therapist? It might help if you and your mom spoke to a therapist or counselor together.

 

[Neon]

We tried a counselor together when my parents were married, but that's actually the cause of the divorce. The three of us sat down with someone and talked. After the firs couple sessions my mom found out that my dad was cheating on her and that is what kicked it off.

My school counselor is someone I see a lot, I used to talk to her about my mom and dad, but now I try to talk to her and I have to tell her to not tell my mom. It wouldn't help if she knew, she would just be mad at me.

---------- Post Merged at 02:27 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 02:22 PM ----------

I was looking through the thread and I'm sorry I think I posted in the wrong thing. It's really stressful but I don't have anxiety disorder or anything, just letting you all know

 

[rdw]

Nothing will be solved unless you and your mom can work towards a solution together. I would almost bet that your mom would like to work things out but from what you have written it doesn't sound like there is any communication between the two of you. Would you be able to talk to your counselor about setting something like that up?

 

[MHealthJo]

Yeah don't worry Neon, it kinda makes sense that you posted it here because it definitely sounds 'stressful'!

Glad that you at least have another place to go sometimes, and a person you can talk to about it - even if you have to ask the counselor to then not pass it onto your mum.

Sounds like she is really not ready at the moment to 'get real' about her behaviour and its impact - maybe doesn't even quite 'see' her behaviour or how wrong it is - and that really is a shame.

I had that situation too when I was young. I am glad you are able to get away from it in your room. I did that too.

Other things that were good were:

-earplugs.
-getting a part-time job, and being busy with other things too - different places to be, and having other better things going on in my life.
- always remembering that my parents had their own issues and things in their life they had not faced/ coped with properly. It was NOT ABOUT ME. And it was important to let it be 'my problem' as little as I possibly could - however I could figure out to do that.
- Being proud of myself as a person, trying to just do well in my own stuff, have my own positive values to stick to - even if my parents were acting immature and lame.
-Talking about it to other caring, supportive, positive people.
-Escaping into awesome things like great music, video games, books, and sci-fi. As soon as I could afford it I bought a little TV for my room.
-Remembering that one day I would be away from the situation.

I'm really sorry you are dealing with this Neon....

 

[eva]

It's so brave of you to be dealing with the hard things you've got. But you deserve time to relax and be happy and enjoy being young, too. I know it might not feel that way because your father's actions and your mother's inability to cope are forcing you to be more of an adult than you are prepared to be, but you have every right to think about your own sense of happiness and comfort. It's good that you have a safe and private space like your bedroom! It's okay to make time for yourself. You're not the mother of those boys and its not your job to be. It's not your job to be your mom's babysitter, either.

Keep talking to your school counselor, and talk about it to your friends. If you have teachers at school you like or other adults you trust, talk to them too. They can support you and help you find solutions or ways of coping, hopefully. If you feel scared and hurt you shouldn't be silent.

 

[Darkside]

If you are the oldest child I wonder if your mom is expressing her anger and pain over your father's infidelity at you as a sort of substitute because your father is not there. It's not fair what she is doing, and it sounds to me like she needs to get in touch with her anger and find a better outlet than dumping it on you.

 

[eva]

Neon, do you have access to a social worker? It might help if you can get one. It sounds like you're in a spot that's hard on you for your age. If you feel that you don't need assessment or treatment for a mental disorder it might still help to talk to an adult who can help you find peace of mind and give you some sense of control of your life. Maybe try looking up affordable social workers in your region?