• Quote of the Day
    "Healing might not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you,
    all of the expectations, all of the beliefs, and changing into who you are."
    Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. , posted by Daniel

vi

Member
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
Hi! I'm new on this site.

I was hoping for some clue as to what type of therapy I was receiving for the last year. It sounds terrible to not know but the only answer I was given was "whatever you want it to be" with a dry tone and an icy smile.

I have struggled to find help before this place. When I went to this clinic, I was at my wits end. The reason I stuck it out is because I must have trusted this guy.
I stopped a couple of months ago because I had enough nonsense,though.

Here are a few 'clues':

He would say something-a remark, and if I referred to this remark the next
week, he would deny ever saying it. This happened a few times.

He would use facial expressions. I found that he was purposefully ambiguous in his comments.

He once asked if I liked to pet my kitty?! A rather childish reference to a cat, so I felt he wanted me to wonder what did he really meant.

Whenever I was not pleased , he would put on this innocent child's face, pointing to the area between his nose and upper lip.

He communicated with the woman running an art studio which I attended. They would exchange info of what I said. I know this because both made it known by their knowledge of such comments. She began doing things like him. Saying things that were disturbing. The last time I was there, she stood beside me(I was near smelly buckets of old clay). She would say, "these buckets smell like someone farted".
I said I couldn't tell, my sinus problem dammaged my sense of smell. She would then add "in fact, I KNOW someone has farted". There was no one else in that area.
She was acting just like the therapist.

I can understand that maybe they want me to find out for sure, and not always jump to conclusions, but I'm sorry. There has been so much tension in that place. People being very aggressive with me. This woman I just gave an embarrassing account of has been very hurtful in the past. How else should I interpret her comments other that the intention to embarrass me? I even told her previously that I am very confused.

The therapist I saw would purposely say a nice hello to whoever was in the waiting room at the same time as me, and then right away, turn to me and say 'Oh, hello 'in a 'aw no, not you'-tone. I found I could never take him seriously. He acted all the time. He never wanted to tell me what type of therapy he used nor what his credentials were.

I'm finding that I can't reveal who my last therapist was to prospective sources of therapy, because they contact him!

I ended up getting more of this stupid smirk attitude when I applied to a women's college group and made the mistake of giving his coordinates.

What was I dealing with? Where do I go from here? I want a kinder-gentler approach. In fact, I wish I could find a Christian therapist who was covered by OHIP. I would have liked a support group. I need to work on my social skills. I want to understand why I seem to bring out the worst in people.

I once asked my counsellor, as he referred himself, if he thought that I had a personality disorder? He said 'No"-so what is it then?! He never wanted to tell me. Was he being honest? Why never tell me anything? Strange...
 

vi

Member
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
Hi,
I was reading some of the comments about therapists and building a trusting
relationship with their clients.
I experienced a session where my counselor started things off by locking eyes with mine.
It became a long and intense gaze, with no blinking.
I eventually looked away not sure what to think!
The next day, I felt outraged about it. I was never warned of what was to take place.
I was never asked. Nothing was ever said.
The next session, he proceded to do the same thing. I looked away.
I think it was meant to help the therapy relationship.
Unfortunately, I think it was the beginning to an end for me there.
The lack of concern to fill me in at any point at all through the entire therapy left
me feeling left out. -That it was not important to include me.
I told him a few times that I was confused. I wanted to understand so that I could participate
better. I got nothing.
I figured that it was part of the therapy for me to not know. That my knowledge would actually
interfere?
I told him soon before I quit, that what he did and said could be interpreted in so many ways.
How effective was his therapy if I didn't get what he was trying to achieve?
I'm still confused!

If anyone has read my message from yesterday, I explain a bit about my experience with this
counselor.
A month after I stopped the sessions, I got a call from the woman I mention, who runs a studio
that I attended.
She appologised for her past behaviour and invited me to return to the studio.
I resisted because I was crushed by her behaviour as well as her assistant's.
I said 'no,I feel I bring out the worst in people"
She said "no, just come on back and you can go to your therapist or whatever he is, and tell him
about your feelings of inadequacy".
I was confused... I went back to the studio, but never went back to the therapist.
Eventually, things got weirder and weirder. The previous message I wrote tells of one of the
embarrassing moments. That day, as I left, I got an angry smile from her as she looked straight on
as I passed her. No good byes, nothing. That was enough for me.
Still confused as to what I'm supposed to get out of it all.
Can anyone 'decode' and explain things to me? Pretty please?-with candies on top!
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,865
Points
113
Vi, I have no idea what type of therapy that was but obviously it wasn't a pleasant experience for you. As to his credentials, what did he call himself - in the phone book, on his business cards, etc.?
 

Peanut

Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2005
Messages
1,083
Points
36
Vi,

Although your therapist's techniques are unrecognizable to me, I just wanted to tell you that it sounds really uncomfortable and I don't blame you at all for not being happy with whatever that approach he was using. It seems strange that he would attempt to build a trusting relationship by being vague and skirting around questions that you ask him. I think he should definitely give you his credentials if you ask for them.

Have you tried doing Google searches on him or looking for his license? Before I picked the therapist that I have now I looked at his credentials, experience, specialties, approach, age, year he got his license, etc on the internet. It helped me feel better going in knowing a little information about him. Anyway, maybe you'd turn something up about yours. Or maybe you might just want to find a different one.

She said "no, just come on back and you can go to your therapist or whatever he is, and tell him
about your feelings of inadequacy".
That is unbelievably rude. Plus, it is so illegal for your therapist to tell this woman anything (right?)!

The whole thing sounds really traumatic--hopefully you can find a better therapist (if you still want one) and people who more decent to talk to than the woman at the art studio. Her comments are absolutely obnoxious. Just hearing what she said irritates me so I can imagine how it made you feel.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I read your post and feel for you. It honestly doesn't sound like your therapist had much of a concrete approach to me. Maybe he was trying to use the new "eclectic" approach. :confused: I doubt you'll run into the same approach if you try again. If it is any consolation before I found my therapist I went through two others and one of them was SO strange, he didn't want me to talk, he just wanted to talk to the fingers on my right hand. After 1.5 hours I told him I had to go and never went back. It's hard to find a good therapist but sometimes it just takes trial and error I think (and research never hurts)!

Good luck :) :)
 

braveheart

Member
Joined
May 8, 2005
Messages
1,485
Points
36
from me experience of being in and training on (tho I had to leave the training due to personal reasons..) integrative therapy, it certainly doesn't sound like integrative therapy (aka 'eclectic' in some circles) to me...at least not GOOD integrative therapy...

I take it you stopped therapy with this man....and I hope you find someone more empathic and supportive...
 

vi

Member
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
To answer Dr. Baxter's question, his business card referred to him as counselor.
By the way, I did look him up.
The only info I got was about his musical band's web site as well as their CD promo.
I then did something I thought was invasive to him, but necessary in my attempt to understand
him(also, if I should be suspicious of him!) so I bought his CD!
Typical guy stuff...if you know what I mean.
Anyhow, I do think he had good intentions. I will stick to what I said earlier..he didn't get me+ I didn't
get him=2 frustrated people!?
I keep going back and forth to what my imterpretation of technique was employed.
It felt like an attempt to recreate what I was terrorized by,and rubbing my face in my poor attitude?
Should I have been so confused about it all, though!
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
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Messages
37,865
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A "counselor" can be anything, including someone who has taken a week-long coaching course or NLP course.

There are organizations which certify counsellors, such as the CCC in Canada (Canadian Certified Counselors) but in most places there is little or no regulation as to who can call himself a counselor.
 

Peanut

Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2005
Messages
1,083
Points
36
I then did something I thought was invasive to him, but necessary in my attempt to understand
him(also, if I should be suspicious of him!) so I bought his CD!

Well, I have to say that I am glad to hear that someone else does that kind of stuff. My husband's psychiatrist has a winery around here and ever since I went to see him I have been buying his wine and I get some strange pleasure out of drinking it.

I think it does help to feel like you know something about who you are talking to.

That is also alarming what Dr. Baxter said about the lack of education needed to be a counselor. :shocked: I really didn't now that, I thought that you had to go through grad school.
 

vi

Member
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
Thank you for the suggestion that it might be 'integrative'(eclectic)-therapy!!! Thank You!!!
I read up on it and it sounds just like it!
I understand the why of some of his behaviours etc.
The part about our 'script' makes so much sense in many aspects of our sessions.
My question remains..Why not tell me?
I resented his acting! In fact, I refused to go along with his scenarios because I resented being manipulated emotionally.
That meant that I gave him a false account of how certain behaviours make me feel.
As I said, his choice of action could be interpreted in so many ways.
I also think that it was overwhelming for me to understand him without SOME insight!
Can anyone tell me of a good book for this type of therapy?
I don't think I will be able to find someone for treatment. Actually, the web site I read didn't mention
what this type of therapy is used for...Anyone?
 

g-scared

Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2006
Messages
152
Points
16
I agree with Dr. Baxter. A counsellor could be anyone really, even an amature musician. Maybe you should upgrade to a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Someone who is more understanding and knowledgable. It sounds like you need someone though.

Take care,
g
 

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