I know I like to give advice to others on how to improve their moods and life. And I do use my own advice.. however sometimes I really get depressed regardless.
It must be peri-menapausal (sp) but this seems to re-occur this particular week especially every month. I will have my hormone levels checked, if I can get myself out of the house to get it done!
I am trying to remember the last time I felt truly happy or excited about something. Life is not numb but sad to me anymore.
Was it when I ended up on the Oregon Coast with my two kids after a fight with the inlaws on a visit? Yes, the coast was beautiful and the luck with the $20 a night cottage on the beach was a blessing. It was a dream come true...and the nice guy I met who was a companion to me and the kids that sad night was also a gift from God.... but there was something missing. Why couldn't I truly feel the joy and relaxation that should have been most prevelent watching the sunset on the waves? That was over a year ago.
Was it when I won 3rd place in the photo Annual Phone Directory in 2003?... well that was nice, but really the picture should have won first... but I am being greedy. lol. No, there was something missing then too.
The last time I remember full happiness was the birth of my 4th child in Dec. of 99, but then the nurse informed me I was on morphine... so was it genuine happiness or drug induced? Only a day later I started suffereing from some post birth depression or minor psychosis. I spotted it right away and quit breast feeding which stopped those horrid feelings and restored me to my numb self....
Yes, perhaps though the months after Colten's birth I was sort of happy. Or temporarily contented. After the birth of my four babies were the most quiet times of my life, less depression actually... but I can't keep having babies anymore!
Other than child birth when was I sincerely happy last... I can't really remember. I see commercials on TV or movies and I see how things used to be even for me... but those days are long gone. I am no longer in my 20's... full of hope of a bright future.
If you are reading this and you are young.... don't take it for granted... every morning you wake up is a new day to start all over! When you start to age those mornings don't seem to bring promise of hope, but troubles.
I can say that having four kids ranging from 5 to 20 is a source of chaos and depression. My 19 year old son has schizophrenia and this is a great stress on me to care for him and keep him safe. He was just released from the hospital after a few days stay for a phychotic induced suicide attempt.
My 20 year old duaghter is pregnant for the 3rd tiem and we are working on plans for an adoption.
My 9 year old is suffering from some kind of hyperactivity and defiance, and of course my 5 year old is hearing and speech disabled.
I am overwhelmed, exhausted, and overburdened. If only I still had my health I would have hope... but my health, mental and physically is declining quickly.
SusieQ aka Exhausted
It must be peri-menapausal (sp) but this seems to re-occur this particular week especially every month. I will have my hormone levels checked, if I can get myself out of the house to get it done!
I am trying to remember the last time I felt truly happy or excited about something. Life is not numb but sad to me anymore.
Was it when I ended up on the Oregon Coast with my two kids after a fight with the inlaws on a visit? Yes, the coast was beautiful and the luck with the $20 a night cottage on the beach was a blessing. It was a dream come true...and the nice guy I met who was a companion to me and the kids that sad night was also a gift from God.... but there was something missing. Why couldn't I truly feel the joy and relaxation that should have been most prevelent watching the sunset on the waves? That was over a year ago.
Was it when I won 3rd place in the photo Annual Phone Directory in 2003?... well that was nice, but really the picture should have won first... but I am being greedy. lol. No, there was something missing then too.
The last time I remember full happiness was the birth of my 4th child in Dec. of 99, but then the nurse informed me I was on morphine... so was it genuine happiness or drug induced? Only a day later I started suffereing from some post birth depression or minor psychosis. I spotted it right away and quit breast feeding which stopped those horrid feelings and restored me to my numb self....
Yes, perhaps though the months after Colten's birth I was sort of happy. Or temporarily contented. After the birth of my four babies were the most quiet times of my life, less depression actually... but I can't keep having babies anymore!
Other than child birth when was I sincerely happy last... I can't really remember. I see commercials on TV or movies and I see how things used to be even for me... but those days are long gone. I am no longer in my 20's... full of hope of a bright future.
If you are reading this and you are young.... don't take it for granted... every morning you wake up is a new day to start all over! When you start to age those mornings don't seem to bring promise of hope, but troubles.
I can say that having four kids ranging from 5 to 20 is a source of chaos and depression. My 19 year old son has schizophrenia and this is a great stress on me to care for him and keep him safe. He was just released from the hospital after a few days stay for a phychotic induced suicide attempt.
My 20 year old duaghter is pregnant for the 3rd tiem and we are working on plans for an adoption.
My 9 year old is suffering from some kind of hyperactivity and defiance, and of course my 5 year old is hearing and speech disabled.
I am overwhelmed, exhausted, and overburdened. If only I still had my health I would have hope... but my health, mental and physically is declining quickly.
SusieQ aka Exhausted