What would you be doing differently if you were happy?

[Banned]

Coatbridge,

Although this placement didn't work out the way you'd wanted it to, I think you handled it admirably. You offered to provide more information, you let her know you were disappointed, and you also provided her with feedback on what she could do better next time (let the person know she doesn't actually have the final say). Although it still feels absolutely crappy because you had your heart set on it, how you handled it was above par. :2thumbs:

 

[coatbridge]

:dance2: Hi Ya Turtle:

Thank-you for your insight. I wasn't able to see it in that perspective until you pointed it out.

I forgot to mention the Director said she would keep me front and center in her mind should an opportunity arise and said to feel free to keep in touch. It's just I have a lot of trouble letting go of things and tend to dredge it up and go over and over it again. One of the many traits I have to work on. Oh well I'll get over it in time.

thx

 

[Banned]

Of course. You had your heart set on something, it didn't happen the way you thought it would, and planned for it to, and then all you see is the collapse of your dream. I'd be seeing the same thing. That's why outside perspectives are sometimes nice. And its great that she said she'd keep you in mind for future opportunities.

I've also learned, as pointed out already, that sometimes, "this" opportunity isn't the best opportunity, and sometimes "this" opportunity has to fail to get to the better opportunity.

I remember five years ago I applied to a convent in Michigan (I wanted to be a nun SO bad). I was accepted. I was supposed to enter in August; I was accepted around March/April. Finally, my childhood dream was coming true. I was over the moon. I was so excited.

Just prior to entering, I started chatting with a friend, who is a psychologist and a priest, and asked him if he could help me put a couple issues to rest before I left. All I could focus on was that I was going to be a nun! A real nun, complete with long veil, a habit, everything. That was my unofficial start into therapy. By August it became clear that I was NOT ready to enter. I was shattered. Devastated. Thought my life was over. Thought well if God doesn't want me why go on? I was heartbroken and inconsolable.

It's taken me five years to realize that had I entered, I would have had to leave because of depression and whatever mystery diagnoses I have. I would have given up EVERYTHING (you are allowed to enter with only one suitcase, and they tell you exactly what to pack in it) only to have to leave the place of my dreams in a couple years. That would have been much harder to swallow. It's taken me five years though to accept that I'll never be a nun (and also accept that I'm far too corrupt and my mind is too warped anyway ).

But, in not being a nun, I'm fulfilling another dream of having my own dog training business that never would have happened if it wasn't for everything else.

Sometimes we just have to let things fall into place, make lemonade out of lemons, and resteer the boat when the winds blow us off course.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

When one door closes, another one opens.

When your journey down one path is blocked, you look around and discover another one you hadn't seen before.

 

[coatbridge]

I guess the big thing for me is attachment to the outcome, I had it all built up in my mind it was going to be the perfect job/environment. I am currently taking a 10 week course of Mindfulness Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and going to CBT weekly with a psychotherapist.

Hopefully in time I will be able to disengage and have a non-judging attitude and look at the whole picture in perspective.

thx

---------- Post added at 11:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 PM ----------

Hi Ya Dr. Baxter::hithere:

Thank-you for pointing that out, sometimes we need to be reminded.

I also wanted to thank-you for your website for not only supporting people like me but providing insightful current information regarding mental health.

cj

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Ya Jazzey:

Congratulations on both going back to school and getting a job that you love. You know what you said about "They didn't show you a particular level of compassion...But, that's just my perspective." (I haven't figured out how to do the quote thing yet). I also had the same thought, who knows maybe it will work out for the best. (Wait a minute, I can't believe I just said that, me that spews nothing by negativity day and night).

Thank you Coatbridge. And I love hearing you be positive about this. It is grueling to go through it, but somehow, we always seem to manage, to have something pan out for us.

Well on a more positive note (I better stop this, it might become a habit heaven forbid, ha ,ha) I am dropping off 3 resumes to organizations that were voted some of Canada's Best Diversity Employers.

:lol: More positivity - I love hearing you positive Coatbridge. Sometimes, life throws us those hurdles, but they only need to be adversities if we choose to look at them in this light. Or, we can lower them to just 'experience'.

In this instance, wouldn't it be wonderful if you landed one of these jobs?! I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for you. Let us know how you make out.

Thank-you for being there when I needed someone to listen and empathize.

Anytime Coatbridge.

 

[Pheonix]

There is nothing interesting about my answer.

What would you be doing differently if you were happy?.

My answer: absolutely nothing.

same answer for what would I be doing differently if I was unhappy.

I really have no true affinity to the positive psychology movement, though I understand many, many people grasp it and are helped by it. i have read many articles by Dr Elisha Goldstein, although she is a well thought of and clever, I find much of her thinking and premises mystifying and forgive me, false. For me happiness is not what I am doing. For me it comes and it goes. I am not going to spend my life chasing it around like wild turkey. I am so fed up with positive psychologists. I will not be told I have to keep a constant good eye on my happiness meter, watching for any little dip in positive happiness feelings and be ready to correct it. Some people are not motivated or driven by the constant need to be happy. My unhappiness has motivated, taught and transformed me in good ways as much as my happy times have. I value my pain as much as my happiness. I am a student of aikido martial art. We learn not to be afraid of feeling pain. Pain instructs. Physical damage, is different and to be avoided, but pain is sometimes felt and sometimes its not, take what it has to give you. We train and learn and master ourselves. So much lauding on positivity alone is only half the story. Yin and Yang exist together. This is just my two measly cents

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I really have no true affinity to the positive psychology movement, though I understand many, many people grasp it and are helped by it. i have read many articles by Dr Elisha Goldstein, although she is a well thought of and clever, I find much of her thinking and premises mystifying and forgive me, false.

Just a minor correction: Dr. Goldstein is male.

 

[Pheonix]

Elisha is a he??, well excuse me. Thanks for the correction.
One of our prime ministers was called Rosie, and he was a guy

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes, I think it's a variant of Elijah.

There was also an NFL football player name Rosie Greer, back in the day.

 

[Domo]

If i was happy I'd probably have a life worth living.

 

[Andy]

If i was happy I'd probably have a life worth living.

You do have a life worth living. You just have to keep working on the happy part. :hug:

 

[Domo]

Aww thank you buddy. As long as one of us believes it :hug:

 

[Murray]

Here's another person who thinks that you have a life worth living Domo. Please don't ever feel that your life isn't worth living, even if happiness is eluding you right now.

 

[Domo]

That's very sweet, thank you Murray.

 

[JustMing]

Interesting question. I have been reflecting on it. It seems to me, the things you do if you were happy would be more things that will make u happier. It's like a cycle. As for me, I'll keep up with what I am doing. Working on business ideas and working to reach out to youths.

 

[HotthenCold]

1) Scratching my creative itch by making people laugh and think through writing....either a blog, scripts, short stories, something... (also via any other creative endeavour I can fathom)

2) Always striving to bring serenity and positivity to my world, in little ways and big ways.

3) Standing up to injustice, ignorance, bigotry, intolerance, cruelty, et al, whenever I crossed paths with it instead of staying quiet out of fear.

4) Making wise choices constantly (with room for error of course, since it is inevitable)

5) Studying/practicing Spanish everyday

6) Taking cooking courses/practicing cooking as often as possible

7) Cultivating relationships and widening my social circle (overcoming shyness and hermitude, or at the very least overcoming this self imposed semi-isolation I now live in)

8) Dating

 

[AmZ]

Nice thread.

For me:

1. I'd have friends. And friends that I can rely on and they can rely on me. I've never really had friends that I can just hang out with and feel good with.

2. Go back and study something. I didn't finish my degree course. But I need grants and suchlike in order to live. So then I'd be able to have a career in something.

3. Get out of depression. This will change a lot of things for me.

4. Change my nieces nappies/diapers! I get the joy from them but don't put in the dirty work too.

5. Have a family of my own. Even though I feel like I won't be a good mother and wife. I've got to work on some things first.

6. Have hobbies and interests. Get involved in something. This goes with getting out of depression as I don't feel like I want to do anything.

7. Get super fit again. Under the fat is muscle! I used to do JUST sports. I want to lose the 26 kilos that I put on during my hospitalisation and get fit and healthy again like I was when I was a teenager.

8. Be happy

 

[forgetmenot]

If i was happy good one i would like to go east and see the whales then to north and see the polar bears Just small trips nothing outside the country then maybe a train trip to the west to the mountains it makes me cry just thinking about these dreams because they seem so far away so far away but maybe one day

 

[Ftbwgil]

I am happy because I am healthy
I am happy because I have a good home
I am happy because i have a daughter
I am happy because I have a good wife
I am happy because i have good friends
I am happy because I can exercise
I am happy beacause I choose to be happy