- Jun 11, 2006
Taken from On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler, page 104, ISBN-13 978-0-7432-6628-4, ISBN-10 0-7432-6628-5.
When the pain and sadness hit, you can do what Wanda was attempting to do. Just sit with it. If you feel sad, let yourself feel that sadness. Do the same with anger and disappointment. If you need to cry all day long, do it. The only things to avoid is repressing the hurt or artificially trying to bring it on when it isn't raw enough to express. What we are trying to achieve here is to feel the pain and then feel the release that follows it.
Be aware that when grief hits in all of its power, we instinctually try to resist the sense of overwhelm. But resistance to pain only serves to amplify it. Try sinking into it and feel it become more spacious. Allow it to wash over you and feel the strength return to your body and your mind. When you surrender to grief, you will discover that you are so much stronger than you ever imagined. Peace lies at the center of the pain, and although it will hurt, you will move through it a lot faster than if you distracted yourself with external outings.
Wanda's instincts told her exactly what she needed and she followed them, even when her friend disagreed. Although there are times when the mind needs a rest and a little distraction can be a good thing, one of the greatest injustices we can do to a friend is to try to pull them out of grief before they are ready. You just can't look to anyone else to tell you when your sadness will be over. It may be a month, a year, two years, or a lot longer. Only you will know when your loss is integrated and it's time to come out and rejoin the world.