Where to begin getting help?

[Sonz]

Oh Yeah! I remember lusting for food, like said it was all I use to think about! I still get it sometimes!
I am not sure about all the different things that happen to your body and whether it recovers, but I do know that I have been trying to get my teeth fixed and one other problem that I have is loss of calcium in my spine, it called osteopenia, which is fixable, I have to take a bunch of calcium and vitamin d three times a day.
I have been thinking hard about what to tell you about “getting through it” and I guess there is no good answer. My recovery started bc I thought I was going to die bc of my heart and once I told someone I knew there was no going back. From there I started to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist and a regular doctor and a cardiologist and a nutritionist AND I started to take medicine (to help with the compulsive behavior)! Wow, so there were lots of people coming at me form all directions!
I never wanted to tell anyone bc I didn’t want to stop and I didn’t want to stop being skinny, but I was so scared.
Think about it, most bulimics weight only fluctuates about 5 pounds (2.3 Kilograms), is that small amount really worth it Look at all those other girls out there aren’t thin and they’re happy and eating!
Maybe you should start eating healthy food that you know wont make you gain weight, I always snack on stuff like that, it makes me feel healthier!
By the way, you weight a mere 94 pounds! Tiny!

 

[KiM]

its weird... it feels both good and bad that you say im tiny!! i remember my ex boyfriend telling me how i reminded him of a herion-addict. i didnt know what to make of it at the time, but now ... gross!! i dont wanna look like that! and maybe it was just his way of telling me that i was too thin ..... eventhough we were pretty open (i wasnt binging or purging at the time, just VERY controlled with what i ate) he never really did anything concrete to change me... and thinking back, maybe it was my reactions that made him not wanna bring it up. i dunno. now i wish i had listened.
and like you said, i dont wanna tell anyone. im ashamed and i feel like 'anyone' wont understand ... whereas you do. i talk to mum and my sister about my eating issues, but have never mentioned binging and purging ..... coz then i know they would take drastic actin and i wanna do this myself. im in my last year of university, i want to get good grades and graduate without having to worry about this and them ..
do you feel hungry now tho? do you have a natural rhythm or whatever they call it ? its scary all the tings that were actually doing to our bodies ....its so bad. my dads motto is

'life is too short so live it to the full and ENJOY it'

... i wish that i could really live uptp that coz right now i feel im missing out on my young life and enjoyment. how sad is that???????
anyways, enough of my moaning... im sure that you guys are experiencing or have experienced similar scenarios ... and ijust hope that we can share with eachother how to best deal with and beat this. coz we do only have one life and we should live it to the full ... (i know that sounds strange coming from someone like me, but funnily enough it is what i think ....)
KiM

 

[Sonz]

Even though I told my doctors and my boyfriend, my bf and I never talk about it, he’s knows about it but we have never discussed bc I still don’t believe that he wont be grossed out by or think that I am weak and something is wrong with me. I guess I don’t care too much about what the doctors think of me esp bc im sure they see this all the time, but I do care very much about what he thinks. Even months after it got out I still don’t want to talk about with him bc I'm so embarrassed. Starting here is a good way to learn to talk about it without someone staring at you thinking ”whats wrong with her, why doesn’t she just stop?” Telling medical people is one thing, then telling your loved ones is a whole new issue, if I ever get there ill tell you all about it!
You mentioned being concerned about your grades and let me tell you that its my last year at school also and ever since this came out I have been going a lot better in all my classes and I think one of the reasons is bc I spend more time doing work then obsessing about food and going to the gym, I feel like I have shifted being in control of my body and food to being in control of my grades, I'm actually really proud of myself when I get a grade, more proud than if I lost weight.