Hi! I'm new here having just discovered the forum. I guess I'm in need of some constructive help and advice so I'd appreciate it if anyone could supply some. I am so ashamed of myself and the things I have done. Please if you feel like insulting me or saying something nasty to me I'd rather you didn't answer the post because I don't think that would be helpful to me at all. I know the things I've been doing are wicked and manipulative and I want to stop being the way that I am. I don't know what has caused me to be this way and I'd like some answers.
I am a mature single mother of two, one adult and one teenager. Mostly I'm fairly level headed and 'normal'. I hold down a responsible job and also do voluntary work. Today the realisation that my life is following a destructive pattern has hit me. I wonder if anyone could tell me why I do the things I do and how to put a stop to it.
I had a turbulent relationship with someone for 4 years; this ended 2 years ago although we continued to see each other with 'certain benefits'. I still love him dearly and despite the fact that I know we have lots of differences I wanted to continue in some form of relationship with him for as long as possible if not forever. A month or so ago my 'ex' told me he had started a relationship with someone else. I took this really badly and went on a course of destruction. First I made up a story about me being pregnant and having a miscarriage. Then I upset the new woman in his life really badly by telling her that he had been seeing me at the same time as her (this was a fact) and also by sending her letters and anonymous email (not illegal in my country) basically rubbing that fact in. I also took to sitting outside her house (I wasn't seen) to check whether he was there or not. Ironically by the time I managed to track her down and start being malicious the relationship had already finished unbeknown to me! As you might expect my 'ex' who was also a dear friend for 10 years before we became an item no longer wants to see or speak to me because of the upset I caused. Am I becoming obsessional?
10 years ago I met up with the father of my daughter again. I had not seen him for about 12 years. Despite the fact that I knew he was now married with four young children I slept with him again. I justified this with the fact that I still loved him as the relationship had never come to a natural conclusion and it was simply circumstances that had kept us apart. I felt it wasn't really comitting adultery because he was the father of my child! Not content with that I then set about making sure his wife found out. I knew deep down there was no chance that our relationship could be rekindled because he lived in a different country to me. My next move was to try to make him feel pain/sympathy (I don't know what) by telling him I'd been pregnant and lost the child. Consequently he severed all contact with me and my daughter.
20 or so years ago I was in a relationship with someone who eventually decided he was going to go back to his former fiancee. Same story as above.
30 years ago. I met someone who was married, at work. We had a very intense affair and were deeply in love. His wife was pregnant but I made sure she found out he was having an affair by sending her an anonymous letter purporting to be from a well intentioned neighbour. He left her and came to live with me for a few weeks but was under such pressure from his family that he decided to go back to her. Again I did the pregnancy thing.
I didn't have a great childhood. I always felt as though I was being punished for my mum being abandoned when she was pregnant with me. There wasn't a lot of love shown. My teenage years were completely horrendous.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????? How do I stop it?
I am a mature single mother of two, one adult and one teenager. Mostly I'm fairly level headed and 'normal'. I hold down a responsible job and also do voluntary work. Today the realisation that my life is following a destructive pattern has hit me. I wonder if anyone could tell me why I do the things I do and how to put a stop to it.
I had a turbulent relationship with someone for 4 years; this ended 2 years ago although we continued to see each other with 'certain benefits'. I still love him dearly and despite the fact that I know we have lots of differences I wanted to continue in some form of relationship with him for as long as possible if not forever. A month or so ago my 'ex' told me he had started a relationship with someone else. I took this really badly and went on a course of destruction. First I made up a story about me being pregnant and having a miscarriage. Then I upset the new woman in his life really badly by telling her that he had been seeing me at the same time as her (this was a fact) and also by sending her letters and anonymous email (not illegal in my country) basically rubbing that fact in. I also took to sitting outside her house (I wasn't seen) to check whether he was there or not. Ironically by the time I managed to track her down and start being malicious the relationship had already finished unbeknown to me! As you might expect my 'ex' who was also a dear friend for 10 years before we became an item no longer wants to see or speak to me because of the upset I caused. Am I becoming obsessional?
10 years ago I met up with the father of my daughter again. I had not seen him for about 12 years. Despite the fact that I knew he was now married with four young children I slept with him again. I justified this with the fact that I still loved him as the relationship had never come to a natural conclusion and it was simply circumstances that had kept us apart. I felt it wasn't really comitting adultery because he was the father of my child! Not content with that I then set about making sure his wife found out. I knew deep down there was no chance that our relationship could be rekindled because he lived in a different country to me. My next move was to try to make him feel pain/sympathy (I don't know what) by telling him I'd been pregnant and lost the child. Consequently he severed all contact with me and my daughter.
20 or so years ago I was in a relationship with someone who eventually decided he was going to go back to his former fiancee. Same story as above.
30 years ago. I met someone who was married, at work. We had a very intense affair and were deeply in love. His wife was pregnant but I made sure she found out he was having an affair by sending her an anonymous letter purporting to be from a well intentioned neighbour. He left her and came to live with me for a few weeks but was under such pressure from his family that he decided to go back to her. Again I did the pregnancy thing.
I didn't have a great childhood. I always felt as though I was being punished for my mum being abandoned when she was pregnant with me. There wasn't a lot of love shown. My teenage years were completely horrendous.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????? How do I stop it?