Why don't I like it when people are nice to me?

[TheNorm]

What reasons could it possibly be that i get very uneasy and trepidatious when i am complimented and treated favorably or kindly? Someone who I was sure didnt even remember me agreed to do me a favor because he said he remembered me favorably from the past and I got pretty anxious, sort of scared or uneasy or something...but why???? I mean that should make me smile......??????

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Why dont I like it when people are nice to me?

Perhaps because you distrust the motives of the other person in giving you the compliment. Or perhaps because you don't believe it to be true yourself.

 

[forgetremember]

What reasons could it possibly be that i get very uneasy and trepidatious when i am complimented and treated favorably or kindly? Someone who I was sure didnt even remember me agreed to do me a favor because he said he remembered me favorably from the past and I got pretty anxious, sort of scared or uneasy or something...but why???? I mean that should make me smile......??????

I hear you TheNorm and can relate to the "discomfort" you sometimes feel when someone is acting "nice" with you (not to be confused with being polite or civilized).

In the case of your acquaintance, it sounds like he or she is merely wanting to return a favor but only you can assess what transpired in the past to warrant his/her kind offer to help you out. Perhaps you can enlighten us on how you won this person's esteem?

Personally, i'm suspicious of people's motives when i don't know someone well. I've learnt to gracefully accept a compliment with a smile and a thank you then move on; however, when someone wants to "go out of their way" to do me a favor i didn't ask of him or her outright (because i only ask those people i feel it's safe to do so), my antennas go up and i look for motives.

I always turn down complete strangers' unsollicited offers to do me a "favor" yet i can take calculated risks with acquaintances by trusting my gut feeling based on circumstances, their general behavior and their body language.

I gracefully turn down help from needy co-dependent types (people that stand closer than 3 ft away from you when talking)or anyone with an exaggerated sense of self (those that have wondering eyes when talking to you). There are other body language that make me trepidate too...i just trust my gut because my life line is not to get tangled up in somebody's web...again. Yes, "once bitten twice shy" is a dead metaphor lol!

Glad you brought this topic up TheNorm!

Blessings,

Jos?e

 

[ladylore]

I agree with Josse,

Its your instincts that may be telling you something is up. I have been able to distinguish for the most part if my "gut" is responding to a possible threat or unkind motive or my head "playing old tapes". If its my head doing the talking I sometimes take that calculated risk and say thanks to the compliment or say hi to that stranger.

Ladylore

 

[ThatLady]

What brought on this person's agreement to do you a favor, TheNorm? Were you talking to this person about something you needed, or did this person just come to you out of the blue?

 

[HotthenCold]

It's normal to be suspicious of people being nice when it's likely they have other motives. However, I really can't take people being nice to me at all. It makes me really uncomfortable, and I usually avoid them afterwards. I think it's almost like if their nice to me then it's because somehow i've managed to be normal and confident for a moment or a day, and I can't stand their changed reaction to me when they see me again and I'm inevitably not as happy or confident, which makes me seem really inauthentic and flaky.
damn it it's hard to be consistently confident.