Why even bother?

[gooblax]

I see my therapist once a month, generally? but that just proves that I don?t actually need to see him at all.

I do okay for the most part, and it?s not like I really talk to him much when I do see him. There?s too much rigmarole involved in organising sessions (more than half of which is probably self-induced, but whatever).

... and I just don't care enough to bother anymore.

 

[Jazzey]

Hey Gooblax,

I only see my psychologist about once a month too - it doesn't mean that I don't need to see a psychologist...

I hope that you'll reconsider Gooblax. I'm hoping that with a little practice, you'll start talking more and more with your psychologist...

In the meantime, I'll give you a couple of :hug: :hug:

 

[gooblax]

It's been over a year with him... Somehow I don't see anything changing.

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: Gooblax.

I have been seeing my Psychiatrist for 5 years now, once a month. I wouldn't give up on your therapy. Sometimes it takes longer for the person to be comfortable to open up to their therapist. I don't think a year is a long enough time to deturmine the benifits of it.

Just because you only go once a month, doesn't mean it isn't benificial.

:hug:

 

[Jazzey]

I know it feels frustrating Gooblax. You've said in a few posts that you don't really talk to him about what counts. Could you maybe try and talk to him about what you think? As difficult as it is to talk in the sessions, I think that we have a responsibility in being an active participant in these sessions. Our psychologist can only guide us through change - we have to do the heavy lifting. Can you give it a real chance by trying to talk to him. Maybe journal some thoughts and bring them in to him?

I have to go to work right now, but I'll check on you later on today. Thinking of you :flowers: :hug:

 

[gooblax]

By the time I speak to him, current issues won't be issues anymore.

It's been a month and a half so far this time - would be at least 2 weeks if another session could be organised now, which it can't, so... maybe mid-February at this rate. It was supposed to be fortnightly, but I can't seem to make that happen.

I appreciate the input though - thanks guys.

 

[sister-ray]

Our psychologist can only guide us through change - we have to do the heavy lifting.

I like those words Jazzey.

Gooblax I dont have a therapist at the moment due the funding issues in the UK but I can understand how you feel I use to like to see them everyweek but sometimes it use to be monthly even 3 monthly, sometimes when theres that distant between visits it does feel theres no point to it. I like Jazzeys Idea of writing how you feel and taking them in or maybe email or send a letter if you feel uncomfortable talking when your actually there :hug::hug:

 

[gooblax]

I’m sorry you’ve had problems with the frequency of your sessions too, SR. Thanks for your reply.

I’ve been thinking a bit about how I don’t say much to my T. My ‘homework’ this time was to think of ways to get me talking to him. Along with email and letters, I’ve thought of writing quick notes to him during the session, keeping a tally on ‘ambiguous’ answers and “I dunno”, moving the chairs so that I’m not facing him (and he’s not facing me), or sitting on the floor.

I know I need to try harder when it comes to communicating with him; I’m just not sure that it’s worth the effort for me.

 

[sister-ray]

Gooblax,

I hate talking to people across desks, and I dont like it if their chair is higher than mine, if your uncomfortable with seating arrangements ask him to change it, try different ways see what feels better for you, see if it improves how you communicate with him.:hug:

 

[Mari]

I?m just not sure that it?s worth the effort for me.

It is always worth the effort. When you respond with 'ambiguous' answers and 'I dunno' have you ever considered it from the therapists perspective? He can not read your mind so 'I dunno' is not helpful for you or for him. I am not sure I follow your logic. If current issues are not issues anymore, does that mean that all of your issues have been resolved? :heart: Mari

 

[gooblax]

That’s a good idea SR, thanks.

Thanks Mari.

When you respond with 'ambiguous' answers and 'I dunno' have you ever considered it from the therapists perspective? He can not read your mind so 'I dunno' is not helpful for you or for him.

Yeah, I get that it’s not helpful. It just feels safer, despite being pretty useless.

If current issues are not issues anymore, does that mean that all of your issues have been resolved?

I really mean the more day-to-day stuff – particular stressors mostly, but also thoughts and feelings to an extent. That’s not to say that those issues don’t return, but they don’t seem as useful to talk about as post-event reflections.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I see my therapist once a month, generally? but that just proves that I don?t actually need to see him at all.

... and I just don't care enough to bother anymore.

It's been over a year with him... Somehow I don't see anything changing.

I know I need to try harder when it comes to communicating with him; I?m just not sure that it?s worth the effort for me.

There's that trademark negativity dominating rational thinking again, gooblax.

Your starting point should be to bring this up for discussion with your therapist.

It was supposed to be fortnightly, but I can't seem to make that happen.

Why not? What's the obstacle?

 

[littlepieces]

Hi Gooblax,
I can really relate to 'why even bother'! I seem to think that all the time relating to Therapy...but then keep coming back to the 'catch', which is I have to do something about how I feel and if I don’t continue to see a therapist I won’t be doing anything...I have sort of decided to see it though with all the ups and downs which I have realised are going to happen. Still there is the niggling voice telling me that’s its just a waste of time and there is no point Ill never be able to feel better...but I know I have to try and hope to make it work.
Maybe one of your difficulties is not keeping to fortnightly appointments, I know if I started missing appointments I would find it really difficult to return.
Hope you manage to sort things out
Thinking of you.
Littlepieces

 

[amastie]

Gooblax,
I hate talking to people across desks, and I dont like it if their chair is higher than mine...

Absolutely!

 

[gooblax]

There's that trademark negativity dominating rational thinking again, gooblax.

I guess it is - well spotted Dr B.
[SIGN]Negative Thinking^TM is a registered trademark of Cognitive Distortions Inc.[/SIGN]

The main reason I don't make the fortnightly sessions is because I'm supposed to book the following session with the receptionist (either in person or on the phone). ... and I haven't managed to get up the nerve to do that on a regular basis (did it once - mum does it the rest of the time).

but then keep coming back to the 'catch', which is I have to do something about how I feel and if I don?t continue to see a therapist I won?t be doing anything.

Yeah, that's a good point. Thanks Littlepieces.

I suppose I'll end up continuing therapy, but it's just so frustrating at the moment. Thanks everyone.

 

[Jazzey]

Yay - :cool2: I'm happy to hear you'll give it a try Gooblax.

The main reason I don't make the fortnightly sessions is because I'm supposed to book the following session with the receptionist (either in person or on the phone). ... and I haven't managed to get up the nerve to do that on a regular basis (did it once - mum does it the rest of the time).

I think this would be a great exercise for you to practice self-assertiveness Gooblax. Why aren't you booking these sessions? I think it's time that you took hold of these reins. I believe it would give you a sense of control and accomplishment to book these appointments yourself.

Gooblax, I'm happy to see you taking ownership here. It's a step in the right direction. :hug: :hug: :airkiss:

 

[Halo]

The main reason I don't make the fortnightly sessions is because I'm supposed to book the following session with the receptionist (either in person or on the phone). ... and I haven't managed to get up the nerve to do that on a regular basis (did it once - mum does it the rest of the time).

If you are nervous about making appointments, I would think that doing it over the phone would be easier. Just a thought but what about making a few appointments ahead of time. For instance, if you book 4 appointments for every second week it would be two months worth and then you don't have to worry for a while.

I suppose I'll end up continuing therapy, but it's just so frustrating at the moment. Thanks everyone.

I am glad that you are going to continue therapy and I hope that you can get the scheduling worked out.

Take care

 

[Into The Light]

the other option is talking to your therapist about the difficulties you are having booking those appointments. i would say that should be at the top of your agenda and once that is resolved, you can move on to other things you are struggling with.

 

[amastie]

..I suppose I'll end up continuing therapy, but it's just so frustrating at the moment...

I be :cheerleader: for you gooblax, wishing that whatever is best for you comes about

 

[Ryan Howes]

Man, you guys are so supportive on this site! It's not your typical comment section dogpile of negativity. Your posts are helpful, constructive and supportive - I'm glad this forum exists.

I have a couple thoughts to add in the form of quaint sayings.

The first is: "Are you there to fix the car, or fix the road?" I think it's important to look at your intended purpose for therapy when evaluating whether or not to bail. If you entered therapy to fix the road - to manage and organize your environment (job, school, relationships) - and your goal is accomplished, then maybe it's time to pull the plug. If you came to fix the car - understanding and managing your own thoughts, feelings and behaviors - then you'll need to assess your internal progress. It's possible you came to address one area, you've finished that work, and you're not motivated right now to address the other. Either way, talking it over with the therapist would be a good start.

The other saying is: "it's best to fix the roof when the sun's shining." Many people come to therapy in crisis, and a state of panic isn't always conducive to deep and meaningful work. The problem is, when the crisis passes they want to leave therapy without resolving the underlying issue. For example: if a person enters therapy because they've been dumped by their 93rd unavailable lover and they want to terminate after the panic subsides, I'll encourage them to stick around so we can treat the issue while they're feeling stable. People don't always want to talk about their difficult issues (abandonment, abuse, fear of death, sexual issues, etc.) when they're feeling good and symptom-free, but sometimes that's when they have the internal resources needed to address them.

Having said that, I also strongly believe in weekly sessions, fixing "cars" instead of "roads" and clients investing in therapy when they're motivated to do the work (and saving their money when they're not). Those biases are not shared by every therapist.

Be well, gooblax. I hope you get the care you seek.