Words...

[Ashley-Kate]

hello,
i am currently in therapy for the abuse i was submitted to as a child and adolescent. I was wondering if it is normal for words to cause such discomfort. not only mentally but physically feeling sick to your stomach... is it normal to feel so bad by words.. I asked my shrink if he could not use certain words like for example "abuse" and to him he sees it more like i am trying to lower the importance of those words trying to make a explosion into a little mess. kind of.. maybe i am is it so wrong to rather use incident or event or moment in my life rather than the abuse... he believes that when he uses those words i go back to the state i was almost when it was happening the feelings physical and emotional i was feeling before it happened and that is why i don't like certain words.. yet he still uses them.. i don't understand

 

[Jazzey]

Re: words...

I think it's normal Ash. I squirm at a few words too. And like you, I think that certain words make me feel uncomfortable because they force me to think about the real magnitude of what happened...I've often re-worded what my psychologist has stated to me in terms that are less inflammatory to me. For instance, the word "incident" (I've only noticed recently) is really a big part of my vocabulary. And yes, it does diminish the reality....

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: words...

i don't like when he choses traumatisme or other serious words it seems so harsh... my way of seeing life is that everyone is generally kind and good and that everyone can be mean but the an geniunly good, it is hard for me to accept that maybe i am not the "bad" girl in this but that it is the other way around..

 

[Jazzey]

Re: words...

I hope that you'll think about why you think those words are hard. That's part of my process too Ash. Why is it that some words are harder to hear? Do you write them down and think about why they bother you?

As for people, I still believe that there are some really good people out there. And no, we're not bad. But bad things did happen to us....It's not a reflection on us Ash. Sometimes, it "just is".

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: words...

I don't want to believe that someone could put their own needs above someone else when their need or wants can cause someone else such pain, i don'T want to believe that they were wrong thati was not the bad guy if i am the bad guy than my image of perfection of the world stays intact if it is the other way around than the world is a terrible place..

 

[Jazzey]

Re: words...

Ash,

What makes you think that you were the bad person? And why do you need to take that on to make the world an ok place for yourself? Some part of this world is always going to be harder to accept but, can you believe that not all this life is bad?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: words...

i don't know.. that is why i rather live in my ideal..

 

[Jazzey]

Re: words...

It's ok to see the beauty in life Ash. It doesn't take anything away from you or from the people you love. As long as you acknowledge that sometimes, bad things happen. This too doesn't take anything away from life being good...

Why do you need to view life as ideal? Sometimes, placing such a high standard can be harmful to us. Is it possible to see life as beautiful all the while recognizing that there will always be some rougher patches?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: words...

i guess i feel that if i accept the "truth" tha it was wrong that they didnT' love me that they didn't care for me than that would mean that they were mean that they did something moraly wrong and didn't care about the outcome of their actions. how could a human being do something bad and not care about what they did i may sound naive and pathetic but is it not true,, if a bunch of guys intentionnaly did this.. than how can my vision of a good world make sence...

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: words...

than how can my vision of a good world make sence...

One way of being optimistic is seeing that, even though life is far from ideal, one can always overcome obstacles/pain, which is temporary.

 

[suewatters1]

Re: words...

Bad thing do happen to good people at it's not right at all and not fair. Not every part of this world is bad though. Think about the fact you found this forum and made some friends who want to help you and wish they can take your pain away.
There are some very good people in this world so part of your vision is true it's just that not all people are good people and to figure out who are the good people and who are the bad people is not always easy.

Sue

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: words...

i don'T know anymore i guess i just dont understand why i can't believe in a fairy tail when the nightmare is past. is it so bad to just want to recreate a bad memorie into something fairy tail like.

 

[suewatters1]

Re: words...

I think the way to heal is to accept the past for what it was bad. By making it into a fairytale it is denying it ever happen. That is what I think. So in order to heal and move forward in your life means accepting your past for what it was and deal with the trauma.

Sue

 

[white page]

Hi Ashley Kate,
Words can be very powerful , here on this forum we only communicate with words , day after day I read words of comfort, support ,empathy and understanding , words are used to express emotions , distress , anger , confusion and fear. We can choose how we use words , and how we understand them . some words are triggering and if we are feeling fragile there are words that appear to diminish us . But there are also words which uplift us and allow us to move forward .

Suewatters is very right when she says that one should try to use the appropriate words for how it really was in the past. Only that way you can deal with it and then leave it in the past , which will enable you to construct your present how you want it to be .
best wishes wp

 

[Into The Light]

than how can my vision of a good world make sence...

i think the truth is that the world has both good and bad in it. i think it is important for you to understand that if you accept that you aren't to blame, that this does not turn the entire world into a bad place. the good that is there will not disappear. it's not all or nothing.

i have trouble sometimes seeing anything good in this world but in my clearer moments i realize that that's depression putting blinders on me again and filtering out the good stuff. there is a lot of good in the world. think of people here helping each other out. think of your doctors and therapists helping you. not all people are bad. i believe most people mean well, unfortunately there's a subset of them that don't care about harming others and you had the bad luck to have run into some of them. but this subset of people does not make the rest of the world a bad place.