manicstreetpreacher
Member
Hi! This is my first post after finding a forum that looks as though it may be able to help me.
Please bear with me, I find it hard to put how I feel into words.
I appear normal(well at least I think I do ) but I feel like I am living by a different set of rules to everyone else, playing with a different deck of cards, not quite gelling. It isn't one thing in particular just lots and lots of little things and it is slowly eating me away inside to the point of thinking I'm going mad.
A few years ago I had a business - like a fool I tried to be nice to my staff - big mistake, they walked all over me. When I eventually decided enough was enough they downed tools and went funny on me - I couldn't make sense of this as the previous boss was an utter cow who paid low wages and treated us all like dirt but was very well respected and loved by them all.
The above is just one small example of my life - it happens day after day -looking back I had it happen all the time at school but I was just too young to realise it.
I have very few friends - I'm not cool enough, good enough, whatever it is. I find it so hard to trust people, especially other women who I find vindictive and 2 faced - I feel that if I was to behave in the way people behave/have behaved towards me then I'd get a lynching.
Is this making any sense? I feel like I am detached, completely playing by a different set of rules, rules that have to remain stringent for me, but everyone else can bend them as and when they see fit.
I'm sorry to sound self obsessed - that truly isn't the case believe me. I have had a good trawl through this forum before baring my soul and you don't seem to have any nasties amongst you good people - if anything, I felt better that I wasn't alone.
If anybody understands what I'm getting at then please reply to this post or pm me as I feel really alone right now. Worst thing is I'm a 35 year old mum and I just feel utterly hopeless and worthless which really isn't going to help my little girl, I know. But I just cannot seem to snap out of it.
Thank you.
Please bear with me, I find it hard to put how I feel into words.
I appear normal(well at least I think I do ) but I feel like I am living by a different set of rules to everyone else, playing with a different deck of cards, not quite gelling. It isn't one thing in particular just lots and lots of little things and it is slowly eating me away inside to the point of thinking I'm going mad.
A few years ago I had a business - like a fool I tried to be nice to my staff - big mistake, they walked all over me. When I eventually decided enough was enough they downed tools and went funny on me - I couldn't make sense of this as the previous boss was an utter cow who paid low wages and treated us all like dirt but was very well respected and loved by them all.
The above is just one small example of my life - it happens day after day -looking back I had it happen all the time at school but I was just too young to realise it.
I have very few friends - I'm not cool enough, good enough, whatever it is. I find it so hard to trust people, especially other women who I find vindictive and 2 faced - I feel that if I was to behave in the way people behave/have behaved towards me then I'd get a lynching.
Is this making any sense? I feel like I am detached, completely playing by a different set of rules, rules that have to remain stringent for me, but everyone else can bend them as and when they see fit.
I'm sorry to sound self obsessed - that truly isn't the case believe me. I have had a good trawl through this forum before baring my soul and you don't seem to have any nasties amongst you good people - if anything, I felt better that I wasn't alone.
If anybody understands what I'm getting at then please reply to this post or pm me as I feel really alone right now. Worst thing is I'm a 35 year old mum and I just feel utterly hopeless and worthless which really isn't going to help my little girl, I know. But I just cannot seem to snap out of it.
Thank you.