Abstinence Buddies Support

[HotthenCold]

Sweet!
It's great to hear some other people are down for the cause.
Well, I haven't had a drink in 2 weeks. Not much, but I'm really working to be conscious of my need for a clear mind every day. I have been trying to convince my self I'm going to go a year without booze, with the idea that if I don't miss it after that time I'll give it up for good.
It's tough to think that I would be done with drinking, given the amount of pressure there is to drink where I live and in my age group. Though the resentment I feel towards someone elses thoughtless expectation that I should get "totally wasted" with them because it's a "good time" gives me fuel to do what's right for me.

 

[Into The Light]

Re: Abstinence Buddies?

good for you! :goodjob: just take it one day at a time. don't try to think ahead too much. each day that goes by without a drink is a bonus. you could start a counter or something and write it on your calendar too

 

[ladylore]

Re: Abstinence Buddies?

I wanted to let you know that this thread is a great idea Hotthencold - its your baby, so to speak. :cool2:

Two weeks! That's great Hotthencold. :goodjob:

I find that even after 2 yrs of sobriety and clean time it is still an conscious choice at times. When I am under stress my thoughts go to I wish I could..., or nobody would know... Then it is a choice to do something else instead of drinking or using. I am proud of you.

 

[boi]

thats great hotthencold. 2 weeks is great.
I dont know what age group you are in but I do understand the pressure to use esp when you are young. I quit heavy drugs a long time ago when I was 19 and with that no alcohol either and everyone around me was drinking. I know it can be difficult. This time round I quit weed and that was quite a challenge because everyone seems to smoke it. I've managed to stay away from it for about 4-5 months. Well done!! and like Into The Light says one day at a time.

 

[ladylore]

Way to go Boi! :yahoo: It is one day at a time.

 

[HotthenCold]

One day at a time is right, even one minute at at time sometimes.
Thanks for splitting this into a new seperate thread Ladylore.
I was at a friends house yesterday after class and he wanted me to drink. Told him I didn't want to and left early before the party started. Kinda felt like I might be missing out on a good time with friends, but I can't deal with the fact they can't just let my sobriety be what it is...if they pester I'm just gonna leave. When you think about it, it's so random to make a big deal out of someone not drinking.
Also didn't hit the bong...was tempted but ended up not. It makes me so anxious and scared. Why I ever smoke pot is a mystery to me...boredom I guess.:jiggy:

 

[Into The Light]

awesome hotthencold! :goodjob: you did great besides, being around a bunch of drunken people isn't a whole lot of fun when you're sober. so i'm not sure you missed all that much to begin with

 

[ladylore]

Thanks for splitting this into a new seperate thread Ladylore.

Your welcome HC.

 

[HotthenCold]

Update...still no drinking. It's definitely a record for me since I began drinking.
I've had to say no a few times to people, and it's funny what a big deal it's been with some of them. The judgements people seem to make...even if it's only detectable in the tone of their voice or the way they say "OH yaa, you're not drinking..." to imply that I think I'm superior or just a lame-o.
The thing is, I enjoy being a lame-o. It means I get to be comfortable by controlling my surroundings (i.e- not going to bars to hang around with insecure, volatile people), plus I don't have any pressure on myself to appear cool, or smart, or with it, or anything that requires approval from others. Not that I'm dressing in burlap sacks and shunning society over hear, but I couldn't care less if someone thinks less of me for failing to follow the group...
I'm definitely feeling happy that I can control something..for the longest time I've felt that my locus of control was beyond me for most aspects of my life, and most troublesome, that I couldn't count on myself to stick to a goal or accomplish something. Now I feel like I'm gonna ride this out and see where it takes me, I have a feeling that being sober minded will save me a lot of heart and wallet ache.
Just a little self congratulations to keep the thread alive
:kick::kick:

 

[ladylore]

:dance: :thewave: :dance:

 

[healthbound]

Way to go HotthenCold!!!
I stopped drinking over 2 years ago. I stopped because it was making my depression worse and was drowning out any small bits of sanity I had at the time. I still don't know if it's forever, but my it certainly has helped dramatically so I continue not to drink or use drugs. So, congrats and great idea to support one another!

 

[HotthenCold]

Thanks Healthbound,
I know what you mean about "I don't know if it's forever". But I find that not setting a strict goal of "Forever" relieves the stress I have about the impossiblity of controlling behaviour far in to the future. That's not to say I wouldn't like to be sober my whole life, just that reducing it to a day to day frame of mind seems to work much better, since I can work on my frame of mind, but not on future situations or temptations.
Right now I'm just telling my self that I'm going dry for a year, and taking it one day at a time, with the "option" to resume drinking small amounts if I go a whole year, but in the back of my head I'm thinking "I'm gonna go my whole life", but it's not something I'm bound to (and can therefor fail at or spend time worrying about failing at).
Also, it's kind of a fun challenge in a sick way, to see how much I can build my character by telling people I don't want to drink when people are mindlessley "getting-their-party-on" and are pressuring me to drink, even if only with a slight comment. It's a way to learn new ways of feeling comfortable being myself and doing what's right for me, and avoiding that damn impulse to please people and follow people.
:roll:

 

[healthbound]

Well said, well said and well said

 

[ladylore]

Hey Gang.
Checking in to see how you all are doing. How is the recovery process going? What tools have worked the best for you in keeping you on track?

If you are having difficulties, this is a great space to share those too.

Have a great day.

 

[healthbound]

Hey ladylore.
I'm not struggling with alcohol or drugs, but I am seriously fighting food (sugar in particular) right now. It's weird because food seems so insignificant (in terms of being damaging) when compared to drugs, alcohol or mental illness, but it really seems to be a massive issue for me right now. I don't know if I have an eating disorder or if it's more of an addiction or just my using another substance to avoid reality or what...but I'm really struggling. Struggling to talk about it too.

Anyway, I'll go post in the eating disorder area too.

How is everyone else doing?

 

[ladylore]

Hey Healthbound,
You have made an excellent point. I have been reading (still) a book called "In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts". Most of the book is about addictive behaviourbecause addiction is all about subtance abuse. Basically even after someone gets clean and sober the most work comes in when dealing with all the behaviours around the addiction.

I have had my struggles with food too and still do at times. For me its has to do with self worth, sometimes control. But other times when I am under stress food turns me off - instead of it being appitizing it goes in the opposite direction.

What I still deal with is the isolation. Its a hard thing to break.

Thanks for the post.

 

[healthbound]

Hey LL. I still battle with isolation too. My isolation seems to be fueled by my faulty thinking around food and my body though. Sometimes (a lot of times) I turn down social invites and stay home with chocolate and a movie.

But beyond that, I have found that since I went into (and came out of) my major depression, I experience a lot of anxiety about being around people. This is extremely problematic since my job requires me to deal with people all day long. I often avoid my key responsibilities because of my anxieties. Then, of course, I feel guilty and start in with the negative talk to myself which seems to propel more crummy behavior.

What about you? What propels your isolation and how are you able to overcome it sometimes?

 

[Into The Light]

the last 6 months or so i have developed a bad habit of eating too much chocolate or cookies, i find i do it to comfort myself in a way. i'd like to stop snacking on those kinds of things but i don't know how else to get the comfort something sweet gives me.

do you find it's more than needing comfort?

 

[ladylore]

When I first became clean and sober I felt that I had lost my only and best friend. So that kind of comfort was hard to let go of. But, what you are talking about ITL may be a bit different as we all need comfort.

do you find it's more than needing comfort?

For me ITL, yes. And I am dealing with it again at the moment. My therapist suggested spirituality for when I don't have the answers to give over to something greater then me to help me come up with an answer - if there is one.

To help with the sweet tooth, and I have one too you may want to trade in one thing for something healthier. Say chocolate for darker chocolate or bake yourself a sweet potato. Not the same but it does help.

What about you? What propels your isolation and how are you able to overcome it sometimes?

When I was using it was that I didn't want anyone to find out what I was doing and that I was afraid of people. I still deal with anxiety but not to the extent that I use to.

What propels me out of isolation is my need for contact. I need my space but as I have gotten healthier I want to be around people more and more. That is when I am feeling ok and my head isn't doing any of the PTSD stuff.

 

[healthbound]

do you find it's more than needing comfort?

That's an interesting question. Kind of yes and kind of no. I think I over eat because I think it will comfort me. And it often does - but only momentarily. Similar to how drugs or alcohol used to work for me.

Before I over eat, it feels like I am completely compelled to eat. I am completely obsessed with the cake (or whatever it is) and can't think of anything else. It's weird, lol. It is all consuming and I think I will die if I don't have it. It's very much like a physical addiction. And it may be at this point since the foods I over eat contain a lot of sugar.

But even beyond the physical addiction to sugar I think my need or obsession with sugar is a decoy to my reality. If I am constantly thinking/obsessing about cake or chocolate bars then there is little (or no) room to think about or experience anything else. If I am either constantly on a very restrictive diet or over eating then I become all-consumed with those activities and cannot focus on any other area of my life. If I tell myself that I am "too fat" to go outside then I focus on fat rather than other potential reasons for not wanting to face people.

I used to drink to very consciously become unconscious. During the later part of my drinking I was in a serious depression and wanted to die. I knew that alcohol could accelerate the process. It is similar with food (although food seems a bit more passive). I know if I continue to abuse the kinds of food I chose, I will most definitely cause harm to myself. Maybe it seems easier to focus on my physical problems rather than my emotions. I have seen evidence of self harm with food in the way of malnutrition, potassium deficiency, iron deficiency, rapid increase in weight or rapid decrease in weight and depression. Diabetes is on both sides of my family. And I battle depression and anxiety -overeating and sugar in particular are terrible for regulating moods. So, like booze, cake is another way to avoid living or experiencing life and to self destruct. If I am constantly dealing with health issues, I don't have to deal with emotions or other current realities.

I spent some of the afternoon reading a portion of It's Not About Food by Carol Emery Normandi and Laurelee Roark. It talked about eating to deny emotion. I'm glad I read it because I realized I was caught up in obsession for food instead of perhaps recognizing the obsession as a possible decoy for other things I might be trying to avoid. Like emotions. Or action I might need to be taking in other areas of my life etc.

So, I guess I'm kind of answering my own questions. My behavior is the same regardless of whether I'm using alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, food, dieting, relationships, work or even art. It seems, for me, I need more practice and patience with staying present and allowing myself to experience myself and life just as it is.

Geeze...who knew something so simple could become so complex!!!!