After therapy sessions

[Jazzey]

As horrible as this is, sometimes part of the reason I hold back from talking is also because I am angry/hurt about something the therapist has said/done and I think she hasn't earned the right to get to hear my real thoughts. I know I am really only hurting myself by doing this, not making her suffer and that it is very childish.

I've done the same thing Buffy. And you're absolutely right - it just hurts us in the end. Sometimes, when I take a few steps back from what has been said, I finally understand what the psychologist has said to me and the reasons for it. And sometimes, I actually go back in the next time and address the comment or observation that made me angry or upset. And we talk. Often, when I give her this opportunity to clarify - I feel better about her reasons for saying what she did.

In the end, the psychologist is really there to help us - which includes giving us the observations. Irrespective of whether these hurt us or we agree with them. Tough but necessary for the process I think.

 

[Marcel]

Thank you for all the responses since this thread started. You are all incredibly supportive on this site.

 

[Marcel]

Sorry - I have another question...again. Are you allowed to call the therapist and say you are completely traumatized because of a session? I know that is the whole point of therapy, and you are supposed to go off and reflect on a session and then bring your thoughts back next week. And you are only paying them for the hour and can't encroach on their boundaries. But is it ever ok to call them? Are you ever justified or permitted to do it?

 

[ladylore]

Hey Buffy,

Those are great questions. You may want to write them down and discuss them next session. Some therapists are ok with calls of that sort and some are not, so it's great to get the boundaries straight right off the top. If you have anymore questions write those down too. You can tell your therapist that you need to ask them a few questions to get clear on the boundaries.

 

[Jazzey]

Sorry - I have another question...again. Are you allowed to call the therapist and say you are completely traumatized because of a session? I know that is the whole point of therapy, and you are supposed to go off and reflect on a session and then bring your thoughts back next week. And you are only paying them for the hour and can't encroach on their boundaries. But is it ever ok to call them? Are you ever justified or permitted to do it?

You never have to apologize for having questions Buffy . Remember, oftentimes the questions you ask here are questions that others may have but don't have the courage to post...:hug: :hug:

As for your question: Absolutely. At least, my psychologist has recently just told me that I should call her when I'm struggling (I have her home and office numbers). I also have her email address.

Do you have an email address for you therapist? If you're uncomfortable, maybe just flip her/him an email asking if you can call? Or put your fears in the email and acknowledge in the email that you were hesitant to contact him/her.

Or again, just call. And explain that you really hesitated about calling but, that you're struggling with a few thought as a result of the last session. I'm sure your therapist wouldn't be upset with you for doing this. He /she may ask you to book another appointment sooner - but that's ok too right?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Sorry - I have another question...again. Are you allowed to call the therapist and say you are completely traumatized because of a session? I know that is the whole point of therapy, and you are supposed to go off and reflect on a session and then bring your thoughts back next week. And you are only paying them for the hour and can't encroach on their boundaries. But is it ever ok to call them? Are you ever justified or permitted to do it?

Absolutely. At least, my psychologist has recently just told me that I should call her when I'm struggling (I have her home and office numbers). I also have her email address.

Do you have an email address for you therapist? If you're uncomfortable, maybe just flip her/him an email asking if you can call? Or put your fears in the email and acknowledge in the email that you were hesitant to contact him/her.

Or again, just call. And explain that you really hesitated about calling but, that you're struggling with a few thought as a result of the last session. I'm sure your therapist wouldn't be upset with you for doing this. He /she may ask you to book another appointment sooner - but that's ok too right?

I agree. I have many clients who call or email between sessions. I consider it an excellent way of clients keeping me up to date with what's happening. Sometimes I'll wait until the next session to address the issue; other times, I'll reply via email or telephone if it seems important not to wait that long.

 

[Marcel]

Thanks for the feedback. I have been seeing the therapist for coming up a year now and only ever call for scheduling related matters. And I think I will leave it that way.

I actually talked in therapy like you are "supposed to" (participating, being honest) today and am paying the price now. The last time I talked like this in therapy was at a session last October (different topic then) when it lead to the same completely traumatizing effect. It took me a very long time to recover from that October session (and 4 months later I repeat my mistake! d'oh!) and I never told her about how traumatized I had been from it. I'll just stick to writing if I decide I ever want to tell her about the trauma now because calling her won't make it go away.

Take care all and thanks for listening!

 

[Jazzey]

Thanks for the feedback. I have been seeing the therapist for coming up a year now and only ever call for scheduling related matters. And I think I will leave it that way.

I actually talked in therapy like you are "supposed to" (participating, being honest) today and am paying the price now. The last time I talked like this in therapy was at a session last October (different topic then) when it lead to the same completely traumatizing effect. It took me a very long time to recover from that October session (and 4 months later I repeat my mistake! d'oh!) and I never told her about how traumatized I had been from it. I'll just stick to writing if I decide I ever want to tell her about the trauma now because calling her won't make it go away.

Take care all and thanks for listening!

I'm so proud of you for being upfront and honest with your T today Buffy. I know it takes a lot of effort and emotions on your part (and all of us). This was a huge step for you. And one that you really need to acknowledge for yourself.:hug:

I know you're now reeling in that vulnerability and nakedness. But you did a really good thing here - as we've said before, this is the only way that your T can really help you.

Calling him/her may calm some of those strong emotions Buffy. I know it's really hard. But I hope that you'll reconsider not discussing the effect of this session with your T. This will give your T some invaluable insight into what's going on with you. Insight that could help you in the end....At the very least, I hope you'll consider bringing it up at your next session.

 

[forgetmenot]

way to goBuffy i hope i am as successful as you at my next session great work mary

 

[Marcel]

But I hope that you'll reconsider not discussing the effect of this session with your T. This will give you T some invaluable insight into what's going on with you. Insight that could help you in the end....At the very least, I hope you'll consider bringing it up at your next session.

Hi Jazzey - I won't be able to bring it up at the next session. I wrote something out for the T (very honest) but cannot give it to her. You see, I've "made my bed and so now I have to lie in it". I cannot tell the T that I am upset or unhappy about anything because her response will be that you need more medication - and she'll send me off to the psychiatrist again. Well, as I've previously mentioned, I have issues with medication. The T has heard my concerns and appreciates them - but for her, the bottom line is that my concerns are irrelevant and the medication is a must (this is my interpretation of her position but I do believe it is accurate). So I lie and tell her I take the medication because I feel she will not compromise on this point and I don't want her to say I can't see her anymore.

I'm sure her thoughts would be that I wouldn't get so upset by the sessions if I had more medication (as she doesn't know I am not taking any, let alone the correct dose) - and for that reason I will not be able to tell her how upset the session made me.

Yes, I've dug the hole for myself. But at least I still get to see her this way. I don't want to lose her. I wish I could see her more than once a week (for awhile anyway, until I couldn't swing it financially anymore) but at least I get the one hour a week. I can't jeopardize that. And I know how disappointed she would be if she ever knew I was lying to her - she would feel badly that I didn't feel I could trust her enough to be honest.

She's a good T. I'm just the one with issues up the wazoo that makes things so bad and worse than they have to be.

Thanks for listening.

 

[forgetmenot]

hi buffy your concerns are not irrelevant and if it is your chose not to take medication and only receive therapy then it is a good idea to tell your therapist this she can suggest you use medication but the chose is your ultimately i have the same issue with taking any medication at all my T knows this and chose to work with me anyway because he realizes i have the chose talk honestly with your therapist and explain to her why you said what you did she is a professional and should respect your decisions take care may

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Buffy,

Thanks Buffy - I understand now why this is a really tough situation for you.

What would happen if you told her that you didn't want to take any medications? I just wondering because I suspect that at some point, she will discover that you're not taking them...Do you not have any control over your medical care? I know that with my psychologist, she can only give me advice. At the end of the day, if I decide to not do what's suggested, that's still my decision and she tells me as much.

It sounds to me like this is really bothering you Buffy. It may be time to tell her what's really going on. I think you may be postponing the inevitable here and harming yourself in the process. :hug: :hug:

 

[Marcel]

I'm so proud of you for being upfront and honest with your T today Buffy. I know it takes a lot of effort and emotions on your part (and all of us). This was a huge step for you. And one that you really need to acknowledge for yourself.:hug:

I know you're now reeling in that vulnerability and nakedness. But you did a really good thing here - as we've said before, this is the only way that your T can really help you.

Calling him/her may calm some of those strong emotions Buffy. I know it's really hard. But I hope that you'll reconsider not discussing the effect of this session with your T. This will give your T some invaluable insight into what's going on with you. Insight that could help you in the end....At the very least, I hope you'll consider bringing it up at your next session.

I did something I have never done with any therapist, in all my past years of therapy - I called and said I wanted to see the T for an extra session, before the regular session. And I wrote a letter for this extra session asking if I can see her twice a week for awhile and telling her how upset I was from the session where I was honest. And telling her a couple of other things. I feel so humiliated - requesting extra time - and worse, requesting further extra time on an ongoing basis. And if I give her the letter, I will really humiliate myself from the other things it says. I'm so worried. I keep telling myself if this extra session is a disaster, I never ever have to go back again - I can turn tail and run for the hills. I have hit such a low, but the humiliation that I am voluntarily going to put myself through? And I think I really will do it - go through with it and give her the letter. I'm so worried. But I don't know what else to do. She did call me back and I have the extra appointment so now I wait and see if my actions are just going to (yet again) make everything even worse...

 

[forgetmenot]

good for you Buffy the more open your are with T the better she can help you
i too have asked for extra session when i am upset as i find it hard to wait 2 weeks sometimes I have said things i shouldn't have and apologised later and my T understood so will yours they are professionals who just want to help us get better keep up the great work on your part and know your T will appreciate everything you put forward to help her understand you better best wishes Mary

 

[Into The Light]

buffy, what you are doing is taking tremendous courage. you did really well requesting the extra session!

i know it's really hard opening up and especially when we feel that what we are revealing is embarrassing or something we feel ashamed of. maybe you can talk to her about the emotions you are having around giving her this letter, either before or after she reads it. it would probably help you a lot.

is your next appointment soon?

 

[Marcel]

is your next appointment soon?

tomorrow....

 

[Halo]

Buffy,

I also think that it takes a lot of courage to ask for extra help when you need it. I think that writing your T a letter is a good idea. What I would suggest though is to already have it in your hand when walking in her office. The reason I say this is because I use to write letters for my T as well but leave them in my pocket and "conveniently" forget about them (basically to scared to bring it out). Now if I write something I have it in my hand so there is no turning back as the T will definitely see it and more than likely question it.

Good luck with the session and let us know how it turns out.

Take care

 

[Into The Light]

good luck tomorrow buffy :goodjob:

 

[Marcel]

Buffy,

I also think that it takes a lot of courage to ask for extra help when you need it. I think that writing your T a letter is a good idea. What I would suggest though is to already have it in your hand when walking in her office. The reason I say this is because I use to write letters for my T as well but leave them in my pocket and "conveniently" forget about them (basically to scared to bring it out). Now if I write something I have it in my hand so there is no turning back as the T will definitely see it and more than likely question it.

Good luck with the session and let us know how it turns out.

Take care

Yes, I am all too familiar with the keep the letter in your pocket so you can back out and not have to give it to the T when you are there technique.

The extra session helped. It really did. But like a feral cat, after that I got scared and darted away, yet again. Humans are too dangerous, especially therapists. Like the cat who reaches for the food in hunger, I reach out as well, but for a different kind of nourishment. But then it is just too overwhelming. And I too have to jump back in fear. For humans cannot be trusted. They will trap you and you will lose control. They will hurt you. It just isn't safe. And yet, the food is so tempting and you want it so badly that you keep returning, like I did again today. Knowing you shouldn't and that it isn't safe. And so I continue the dance, playing with fire, taking risks I shouldn't and then regretting it...then doing it all over again. As skittish as the feral cat. I really wish I didn't want the food and that I could just stay hidden in the shadows. But my soul is so hungry...

 

[Into The Light]

it sounds like even though therapy feels scary for you that you are getting something out of it that you need. i am glad you went. :goodjob: